The Experiment

Submitted by Galileo on
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He needed to experience giving me an orgasm, because I think it was important to him, and he also might have wondered if I was able to have one. And so I took the fall, and had one.

We had been trying not to have an orgasm for our last few encounters, so this orgasm was, like, off the map. Gold star. But back to the experiment...

I had an orgasm, and then we rested, and he was saying, "I want one too." I just kind of lay there resting, thinking "maybe he'll change his mind in a minute..." and he did (!) thank God.

And I said, oh good!, then we can continue with the experiment, and he said, I don't want to be your control subject! and he was laughing. Control subject. He can do whatever he wants, I always am very conscious to say. We talked about anxiety and running away, which we both do.

So I was the one that took the fall this time, and was grumpy the next day for my hike in the woods with a good friend. And my lover let me know that he thought it was probably for the best, as he wouldn't know about it, and he had lots of work to do. A win win situation all around. Wink

This is fun.

xo Galileo



Glad you're enjoying your experiment. Remember that you could see a few more seizmic ripples over the next two weeks. Don't believe them. The reality is what you've seen in each other so far.

Another orgasm for me...

One more orgasm for me, while he has been controlling himself. I think this might be part of my process. I was just writing to someone privately on the site, that I'm going to have to build myself up in some way if I'm going to compete with the biological program. I need to start working with the more subtle pathways that I know are there too. We are all trying to do will be amazing once we get the hang of it.


I find it rather amazing

that your guy adopted karezza, not at your request, but on his own accord just by following your lead. And that he hasn't had any orgasms with you, as far as I've heard. Has he made any comments about what he thinks about this practice? Did he ever practice it before he met you?

Be careful about having too many orgasms. I hear they are habit-forming and can cause relationship stress. Wink

It doesn't surprise me that

It doesn't surprise me that Galileo found a man willing to forego orgasm entirely. It's interesting, but ever since I found Mantak Chia's book, I've had no problem at all finding a guy who's happily willing to give up orgasm. In fact, I can't even remember one in the past five years who has had any objection to it. Is this a West Coast thing? The number of men and people I've met who have heard of and even tried foregoing orgasm or channelling it upwards are pretty numerous over here.

Finding a man who is happy for ME to forego one is an entirely different story, however.


Just fake it like all the rest of the women. Just kidding! Well, I guess it's good that they care that much. I think there're a lot of guys out there who just care about their own.

Ha! Too bad that isn't an

Ha! Too bad that isn't an option, as I've never been a good actress and there's something downright weird about doing that (though I have done it, when I was very young and hadn't discovered my orgasmic capcacity). I don't think its necessarily that the men here on the West coast who are so willing to forego are doing it because they are not self-interested - it's just that they've discovered, perhaps, that more than having an orgasm they enjoy feeling like a stud. That's what I've found men crave the most, even more than pleasure - feeling and being perceived as the stud.


Yes, male sexuality has a power aspect, and I don't mean that in a bad way. (Female sexuality can too, but it's way different. With men, it goes to the core.)

This interruption to your regularly scheduled programming...

When I first found this site, I needed to answer the question, 'Why do we treat each other so badly?'

Why did Kevin persuade me to be his girlfriend, and then go off and play the field? Answer: because his brain was rewarded with a surge of dopamine for:
A. not having to raise other men's babies, and B. spreading his seed around.

Why were all the other women in his life so single-mindedly inconsiderate of me? Answer: a dose of dopamine for landing an alpha male who already had a girlfriend.

Why was I involved with that type of guy? Answer: a nice dopamine reward for landing a male who exibited risk-taking behavior, ensuring the survival of my own genetic agenda.

And now that I have a new man in my sights, Why do I drive all the way home to orgasm, when by now I know so much better? Answer: the dopamine reward overwrites all my other programming. Assuming there are other programs lying around in there dormant. If not, I'm at the point where I will just have to get in there and write some new ones.



You're just the goddess for the job, too!

You definitely do have a *bonding program* in there, too. And you know how to talk to it. Daily bonding behaviors, and relaxed contact. Foreplay, again, is tension-producing contact, so it's not as soothing to that bonding program. Although, with all the "honeymoon neurochemistry" flying around, it's really hard to see that."

So nice that you've found a willing explorer.

Aggressive Sex

It's so nice hanging out together, and he's invited me to leave a toothbrush at his house. One other new arrival in the relationship is aggressive sex. I was surprised, because his love-making was a stand-out to me for being so gentle and affectionate. I'm not sure what brought it on.

I remember reading that there is a connection for men between agression and sex. And I think he's been driven slightly mad with all the postponement of gratification we've been practicing. He lost control this time, which is fine, but the true shocker was that he came inside me without any birth control. Now I have to wait for my period to see if there is a little Galileo in the making. I wasn't planning on this other new dimension to the relationship, however imaginary at this stage it may be. The mating program really trumped me this time!

The sex of this last encounter was more aggressive and kinky. In the past, with other lovers, whenever this started happening my initial reaction was to become indignant, but then--and I understand now what I didn't then--a shot of dopamine would course through my system. Later I would feel ashamed and confused by this, but now I understand. It's a message from my ancestors, rewarding me for being fertilized by an aggressive male who will provide me with aggressive babies, and conditioning me to submit to the situation. I think we've completely outgrown the need for this S&M scenario.

This time, I felt the pleasure of it, and I pushed back, so to speak. I see how easy it is to be controlled by this chemical programming, especially for those of us who have had a deficit in the bonding program department.

It's very tribal and primitive, this social conditioning to be submissive to the aggressive ones, the ones in power, the alpha males and females. I see this where I work too--a kind of Emperor's new clothes situation, with one of the bosses whose every infantile whim is indulged by his staff who are forced to dance to his tune. It's like that Harlan Ellison story, or the Twilight Zone episode where Billy Mumy is the child in the household who does horrific inhuman things to his family, because of his immature emotions and overdeveloped psychic power. And it is afterall, just a head game.


He wants to keep ya

No man has that little control. I think a lot of progeny in the world comes from the insecurities of the sex cycle described here. Careful though, its a game but not really, or its a vicious one:) My friend just had a child and it seemed like a pretty good idea at the time, but his partner turned into quite a creature after the baby was born. Keep your guard up and keep thinking objectively, it could save you 18 years of awkward interactions.


I dont mean to encourage your anxiety. I understand how menacing uncertainty can be with these kinds of things. Its somewhat difficult to get pregnant though. Im just saying there is no excuse for a man to not pull out, just so you know as a woman, from a man who has remained childless through many a hot nights with long term partners. best,

2 cents

Hmm... I wouldn't make such a broad statement. Maybe Dirtyangel has that kind of control 100% of the time, but I don't think all men do. In fact, I know they don't. I can get so caught up that I just don't want to pull out, and keeping a woman by getting her pregnant was the last thing on my mind.

Anyway, as for aggressive sex, well, as the resident Deida man, let me just add that it (and the whole attraction to the alpha male thing) doesn't have to be negative. Unfortunately, however, it often is, and that's why guys like me suppressed it for so long. I see now that to be complete, I have to find a way to let my masculine side out. Not doing so did me damage.

Yvette told me that she used to have fantasies of being kidnapped, raped, etc. I think a lot of women do, but it still surprised me to hear it. I just can't imagine someone choosing to fantasize about that. Being the dominant one, yes, but given that one has full control of one's fantasy, why pick that? It's because she's feminine. Deep down, she wants, not to be kidnapped and raped, but to surrender to a powerful man. S&M gives the illusion of this, but the real thing is so much deeper because it ceases to be about dominance and submission. Rather it's about loving surrender, integrity, and true strength.

More thoughts...

The female principle wants to surrender to a powerful male principle, and vice versa? Isn't that very different from surrendering to an alpha male in a dopamine-charged tribal situation? I want to be very specific about what I surrender to. I would not choose to surrender to some idea or behavior that perpetuated dysfunction, which in my experience has something to do with dominant males having power stuggles with something feminine within themselves which they don't like. I've been cast in a play in which my role is to be an elusive and much feared feminine figure, who in turn must be controlled and contained by the male characters in the play. Is that me? I don't think so! I really just want to learn about love. That's it. I swear...


The man surrenders too but in a different way. I'm no expert on this subject, but from what I've read, what happens is that the man's "presence" (i.e. his strength of character, his integrity, etc. that he's projecting at the time in his interaction with a woman) allows the woman to trust him enough to surrender, which is what the feminine is ultimately seeking. That you enjoyed surrendering, even if the man might not've been in full integrity (i.e. loving, caring about your needs but still honoring his own) but rather just playing out a desire for aggressive sex, shows that deep down you may have this feminine core need. After this surrender, it allows the man to open more himself and deeper levels of intimacy are reached. (BTW, when I say man and woman, I'm over-generalizing. What it's really about is masculine and feminine, and a man can be feminine and vice versa. Also, this doesn't have anything to do with sexual orientation. Gay men can be masculine, for example, and straight men feminine. However, the most common scenario is a masculine man in relationship with a feminine woman.) Surrender to the feminine isn't a core need for the masculine, however. Deida is about getting back to our core needs, which are often suppressed due to the shift in consciousness where we began to value equality, caring about others, women's lib, animal rights, etc. This was due to a broading of consciousness, but to complete the journey, we need to get back to the fact that even though it's good for women to be liberated and men able to be sensitive, those aren't are core needs.

Dirtyangel, wow, I always thought all men would be able to pull off a pull out only with great difficulty and only rarely 100% success if ever. Funny how we just go by our own experience and think everyone's that way, huh! I guess that's what happens in a sexually repressed society where so much that goes on in the dark stays in the dark. Wink