I can resist everything except temptation

Submitted by relearning on
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Well, I found this site in response to wondering why my husband brought up the topic of divorce a few hours after intense, joyful love-making. It seemed such bad timing; I mean, why not bring it up after an intense argument? Now I know better, and I more fully understand his exhaustion and depression in mood (coupled with increased anxiety) on the days following orgasm.

We have recently separated and I am trying to live orgasm-less (since the information presented on this website seems logical and worthwhile to me). I am someone that's learned to always be 'in the mood' so to speak-- and I thought that I was doing my marriage a great service with this sort of attitude. Now it seems that I have much re-learning to do.

My current issue is that I feel 'antsy' if I go without orgasm for more than 3 days. Like Oscar Wilde mused, it seems that so far I've been able to 'resist everything except temptation'. Tell me not to think of of the 'Eiffel Tower' (with all of its related phallic symbolism relevant in my case) and... well, that's all I think about. God, it's exhausting, yet I think that this re-learning process will also exercise my emotional intelligence and self-control.

Well, there you have it. Life is hard... and long. Oooops, I did it again. It's just that my mind can't stop going there.




Glad you haven't lost your sense of humor. Reading your post really touched me...as I, too, was (am?) a high libido gal.

That energy is our life force energy, and it can help us move mountains. But when we get caught in the cycle of constantly craving orgasm, it can really noodle with our priorities...and make our partners not act like themselves (not to mention not bringing out the best in us!). Knowledge is power, but here are a few practical tips, too. First, believe nothing you hear from your sweetheart for the next two weeks. Just employ as many of these bonding behaviors as you can (see list in this article: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200909/the-laz...). Notice that many of them do not even require touch. These should soothe his nervous sytem (and yours). That will help (gradually) restore your mutual perception - if it can be done.

Second, when you feel that intense horniness, try some of the solo practices that were developed for men struggling with this challenge. I found them helpful. http://www.reuniting.info/node/2011 Simple daily meditation of any type is also surprisingly helpful. (A girlfriend noticed that it really cut down on dream orgasms.)

Third, give yourself a big hug. The rock you have bruised yourselves on is certainly not your fault or his. Biology means business when it comes to pushing us on to new mates...even if one of us really doesn't want to go! http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200907/what-if...

You are enabled to blog. Feel free to journal here. It may help you through the tough times. Trust me, whatever it takes...learning what's really going on in intimate relationships is worth it.

Finally, if you're really open-minded, you may find some comforting insights here: http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/inner_wisdom_oracle