Orgasm hangover

Submitted by CuriousFellow on
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Sunday morning I had one of those rare dream orgasms with ejaculation (only happened about 7 times in my life). Probably caused by some combination of:
- tight underwear
- going to bed around 4 or 5AM
- a new woman friend coming into my life. We've been communicating by email, haven't met face to face yet. I've been feeling hope and excitement the likes of which I haven't felt for almost 30 years. More about that in other posts, perhaps, as things progress. Smile

Symptoms possibly related to orgasm "hangover":
- Difficulty focusing on work (could also be due to thinking about my new friend Lol
- Sleepiness (could also be due to insufficient sleep)
- Emotional flatness / reduced interest in social activities. "Social activities" for me means writing email and blogging. (Yeah, I know, I need to "get a life.") Usually I come home from work and eagerly read and write email and blogs. Since Sunday I've had much less interest in that. In fact yesterday I spent most of the evening working on a math problem. How un-social is that?! Two of my friends apparently sensed that something was a bit "off" with me and wrote asking if I was upset or "feeling rejected".

It's been a long time, of course, but I vaguely remember feeling like this after having sex with my wife.

Fortunately I seem to be bouncing back today.

Orgasms - yuck! I don't want 'em!


Well, Miss Duck

I meant that when you notice your brain and personality get "foggier" after orgasm, you miss how it felt when you were clear.

How are you getting along?

I'm glad I have friends here...

I'd like to say I'm doing ok. But truth is, life hurts a lot. I am proud of myself for many things though even though I don't do much right most of the time. I'm still proud of some things I do. After all...I must be pretty strong to hang in there like I have, I feel. Thank you for asking.

I liked your comment Marnia even though I didn't understand it.

To CF and Mania: Thank you for clarifying.

You mean like getting attached to feeling mental clarity and enthusiasm can make going through orgasm hangover much worse? Kinda like that? I'm not sure why I can't wrap my mind around what it means. Maybe it's not important. ??

Thank you though. I'll keep trying to figure it out because a certain part of me does get it...but obviously not the mental part.

Hey cute Daffy girl, My goal

Hey cute Daffy girl,
My goal anyways is to get some of these "good" habits started to replace some of the old habits of ups and downs, foggy brain, decentralized nervous system going in all direction. We can have some attachments to good things in our life. I have realized that I was still seeing my self as "victim" from playing that role from all those years ago. And, there really is not anything in my life that would smell of victim. But I think when stress overloads me, then the ol' brain cells dig around to find the old familiar patterns to fall back into. I would really like that to stop happening, but I like CFs comments about "conscious choice" and even some place in the bible, it mentions choosing life or choosing death -- meaning the positive life giving or negative life stopping. Me reaching for sugar is the life stopping; but I also believe it is part of the science that is explained on here, that I am trying to get some brain chemistry to work or balance or give me energy or something. And, I am thinking a first step might be to do what I did the other day when I was feeling some sexual urgings, is to gently and peacefully turn that craving energy for the sweets back into my self and let it flow positive life giving energy to me. I am doing something good for myself by doing that little silent meditation and learning to replace the old cravings with a new action. I would like to get a craving for that -- of giving myself love and peaceful positive energies into my physical and auric bodies.
Daffy you are a dear soul.

Awww! AWWW! Hieee...

Awww! AWWW! Hieee... Giraffe.

I have trouble responding to posts because I get so overwhelmed with what I want to respond to. But, what you wrote ...

"My goal anyways is to get some of these "good" habits started to replace some of the old habits of ups and downs, foggy brain, decentralized nervous system going in all direction. We can have some attachments to good things in our life. I have realized that I was still seeing my self as "victim" from playing that role from all those years ago. And, there really is not anything in my life that would smell of victim. But I think when stress overloads me, then the ol' brain cells dig around to find the old familiar patterns to fall back into."

MEE TOO Giraffe. I feel just like this! Because you said this and all and quoted CF about conscious choice and when CF talked about the coffee verses water...I've been thinking about that since. I wanna be more conscious of my choices. The victim thing I relate to...but I wanna write more in another blog about things that KEEP happening even today that throw me off and I think make it impossible for me to get out of familiar patterns. Like Marnia said to me once "Any progres I make while living at home counts DOUBLE!"

I love you guys. Daffy

Brain Chemistry

It's easy to get caught up in the brain chemistry, the hormones, the chemicals and their effects on the body, etc. But don't shoot the messenger just because you don't like the message!

Let's take a simple example. My daughter loves to spot Volkswagen Beetles on the road. When she sees one, she calls out "Punch buggy, no punch backs!" It gives her pleasure not only to spot the Beetles but also to be the first one. Her brain responds. She is putting effort into something, so she gets better at it. Now, a couple of years later, she's so good at it that it gets annoying. It has become a habit and she does it almost subconsciously. She actually has trouble suppressing her Beetle reaction even though it results in an angry outburst from her brother. If she wants to break this habit now, she will have to unlearn the behavior.

Neurochemically, I expect you could pinpoint a small group of neurons in her brain that has become specialized at Beetle recognition. I bet you'll find that she gets a little burst of dopamine in anticipation of spotting one of those cars. These changes RESULTED from her actions, yet now it looks like they CAUSE them.

What I like about Marnia's work is that she has put together the research to support what we can all observe about addiction. The research proves that she is on the right track, but we would be wrong to blame dopamine as the culprit, when it was really only the messenger, doing what we wanted done.


You mean...

where I do anything repetitive...I create neurons that connect for those things and then a reward kinda reaction where dopamine is involved? So, balance for anything is the key? Depending on if my understanding is correct or not of all next question would be WHY DOES THAT DOPAMINE/REWARD THING HAPPEN?

I have noticed that when I change my actions that I end up changing my preferences and all. I was rather relieved to find that to be true. But if I really look at it, like your cute little "punch-buggy" story, I never used to do certain things doing things repetively seems to be the problem. So, again...balance is the key or "ratio" as Galileo said in another post.

Not quite ANYTHING repetitive . . .

I don't think it's the repetition that causes the dopamine surge. If my daughter had practiced piano scales over and over (but hated them), there would have been no dopamine trigger, but if someone she admired and respected gave her praise and attention every time she did her scales a little better, I think dopamine would enter the picture. It's not the repetition that counts as much as the emotional reward that comes from success.

Please note: this is just my understanding of the material presented here and elsewhere. I have no special qualifications. I am just trying to make sense of it all. So much of the material about the brain presents pieces of the picture. It reminds me of those historical maps of North America where the cartographer had a little piece of the coast perfectly mapped, but fills in the rest with conjecture and speculation, so that now the documents look quaint and a little funny.


Dopamine reward

Ever since I learned that it wasn't the sex, drugs, alcohol and sweets that were so much fun, it was just the chemical system that was either rewarding me for these activities or was being manipulated by them, the dopamine prize has lost its luster. I've seen the little man behind the curtain, working all the levers. Sometimes I fantasize about finding a new reward system, as powerful as the first, but maybe we can just reprogram our use of dopamine to reward us for healthy activities and naturally mind expanding adventures. I need some new inspiration! -G


activities wire the memory faster and more powerfully than others, so not all repeated behaviors are equal.

I did read that if you start a new healthy habit, the first two weeks are the toughest...and then dopamine starts to work in your favor. Here's an excerpt:

A week later, I call Monika Fleshner, PhD, a neuroimmunophysiologist at the University of Colorado at Boulder who has done extensive research into the physiology of exercise. I explain my situation. I say I found an exercise I like, and I think I’ve got the dopamine thing solved, but funny thing is: I’m still not doing it.

You know what her bottom line is? Suck it up—just make yourself exercise.

Fleshner is very clear: It’s not like you find your dopamine jackpot and your brain immediately says, Now we exercise every day. For a while, you still have to force yourself to do it. But, I tell her, I have a very good reason not to: I know her research found that in animals, forced exercise doesn’t lead to the same physiologic benefits that voluntary exercise does. In fact, it actually weakens the animals’ immune systems by causing an increase in stress hormones in the body. I ask her about this, and she says it’s true, but I don’t have to worry about that. Why? Because I won’t have to make myself exercise long enough to cause problems. To which I say, “Excuse me?”

Then she tells me something wonderful: All I have to do is force myself to exercise regularly for about two weeks, maybe three, and my brain will start producing a protein called brain derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF), which she calls Miracle-Gro for the brain. It increases brain plasticity, so you can learn, think clearly and focus for longer periods of time. It also increases dopamine neurotransmission, which means the more I exercise, the more reward I get, and the more my dopamine system is activated to make exercising a habit I’ll soon crave.

“Just put on your Rollerblades,” Fleshner tells me. “Strap on some headphones, leash up your dog, go outside, and start exercising right now.”

Long, silent pause.

“I’m serious,” she says.

I sit holding the phone for a second before thinking, Oh, what the hell. Three weeks isn’t that bad. So I head out for day one. And yes, it’s day one again, because I didn’t go out for day two last time, which means I’m starting from scratch.

Ok, I get it...

I think I'm understanding more now about this whole thing.

It's all very empowering ya know? I mean thanks to all this evidence we have about the science behind it and all those reports we have from people here about their experiences about orgasms and how it applies to all addictions in general, really I have a new perspective on what it means to be seemingly afflicted or victimized by all the things I can't control. Without the so much moral approach to it, I find I have a new respect for exactly who I am and who others are as human beings and what exactly it means to be human.

I think having an understanding of how my past relationships (abandonment issues) have played a part in it all, along with an understanding of the kind of unique person I am whether it be HSP (Highly Senstive Person) or ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) or Slightly Autistic, along with an understanding of what it means to be a biological human being makes life awesome.

I think I'm grasping it all better now.

Exactly, don't you think our

Exactly, don't you think our genetic makeup, behaviors, of being special unique people, Daffy, may have been why so many of us have survived over the aeons. Hey those traits are what would have been desired if you were out walking in the jungle with the saber tooth tigers and T-rex roaming and looking for a snack. [bigsmile]


Usually around day 4 after an orgasm, I get cravings for another. It can be distracting and annoying. This time, there were no cravings at all. I think the joy and excitement of meeting (in cyberspace) that New Woman supplied enough dopamine to prevent the cravings.

Unfortunately, I learned this Sunday that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, so I've been feeling a bit sad and disappointed. I still think she is a wonderful woman, and we're still friends.

Another piece of the puzzle

Marnia, thanks for the clarification about repetition and the 3 week rule of thumb. I have to think that the emotions have to be involved. There has to be some emotional reward from the activity to influence the reward chemistry (i.e. dopamine). For example, when I was between projects for three months, I did an hour on the elliptical every work day after I dropped the kids off at school. Nothing. It appeared to have no effect on my weight, on the way I felt or on any desire to exercise more. I don't think the dopamine system kicked in.

Now, I'm working with a trainer and lifting weights. I started a little over a year ago. This time it has affected my weight and I do notice a difference in my overall feeling of health, particularly when I do something like run up a flight of stairs. If I haven't been exercising, I notice it, not as a craving, more as a feeling of sluggishness. Actually, if I haven't been exercising, I actually have to force myself to start up again. Once I overcome the excuses and get going again, it feels normal again. Funny, isn't it?


Makes sense

to me. I didn't mean to contradict what you were saying, merely to add to it. Obviously, there are lots of nuances in how the brain learns and how habits can be formed and replaced.