Quandry: What to call this kind of lovemaking?

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Anyone have any ideas about how to refer to this other type of lovemaking? I sometimes call it "controlled intercourse," which lacks poetry...to say the least.

Many years ago, the Catholic Church called it "coitus reservatus" in a mandate discouraging its use. The author of "The Karezza Method" argued that since it is not "coitus completus" (ejaculatory sex) or "coitus interuptus" (ejaculation...er...elsewhere), and yet gives a feeling of "perfect realization," it should be called, "coitus sublimatus"...and be recognized as another form of "complete coitus."

Many authors have referred to the feeling of blissful merging with a partner as "melting." That term appeals to me most. In fact, I think MELT is a perfect acronym for "Mutual Ecstatic Loving Transcendence." However, for the uninitiated, "melting" does call up the image of the demise of the Wicked Witch of the West....

"Non-orgasmic sex" is hard to get excited about.

Suggestions?

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The Name Game

Brainstorm ---

- Lovegiving (instead of lovemaking)
- Controlled Intercourse
- Intimate Union
- Heart Sex (to go with the Heart Orgasm)
- Valley Sex (to go with the Valley Orgasm)
- Sacred Doin It

But I think it needs a "Tantric", "Yoga", "Hindu" type name to it. Something along the lines of "Namaste".

hmmm...I Just don't know!

Making Love sounds about as close as you could get. (c:

what to call this kind of love-making

hello everyone,

part of my professional background is that of being a buddhist tantric master.
i am writing a revision of a sexual tantra founded upon the original classics of nearly 1000 years ago.
i have also been developing a dry form of sexual yoga that i call yab-yum tantra. there is no penetration, even no undressing and participants have spontaneous orgams but with no ejaculation.

i haven't done karrezza and i will looking for guidance from the more experienced members.

it would interest me to search through my hindu and buddhist glossaries for a suitable new-name for your method.

the original sexual tantra which is called the hevajra tantra states that 'we rise by the same way that we fell' meaning if sex and emotions have brought us down, they are the same means by which to heal and restore yourself.

Kilaya.

Holotropic Sex

I have been thinking a lot about that lately... Of course, I thought about names, such as Spiritual Unity, Inner Sexuality, Tantric(Dao/Tao/) Love, Brahmachari Devotion, even celibate sex, because it performs the same spiritual purposes as celibacy, but including sex. And so on and so on… Finally, the best name I made up, was: Holotropic Sex, or Holotropic Unity, or Holotropic Oneness, Holotropic Love. Holotropic is Greek word that means: Directed toward the Whole, the Wholeness. The word is used by Stanislav Grof, one of the great revolutionary pioneers in the Transpersonal Psychology, for the breathing therapy he uses. So: why not – Holotropic Sex ! ! ! :) :) :)

Be Healthy!!!

i vote for sexual alchemy

My vote goes to either "Sexual Alchemy" or "Infinite Intercourse" tho intercourse isn't the sexiest word, but i like the infinite part. Maybe "Infinite Alchemical Coupling"? I've read that some practitioners of sexual alchemy report a feeling of constantly making love even when they are not touching or are in different locations. "Sexual Alchemy" is still the most succinct, evocative, and accurate description of the process, in my opinion.

OK here goes :-)

1. tendering
2. deliberate non-orgasm
3. keep-it-up
4. no-landing love
5. cudlove
6. oxitocology
7. stopless love
8. lovelymaking
9. lovelife support
10. sweetning

coitus reservatus

Marnia, you wrote:

Many years ago, the Catholic Church called it "coitus reservatus" in a mandate discouraging its use.

I think this was in response to Noyes or Stockham, right? I saw somewhere that you mentioned Jesus as an advocate of coitus reservatus, but perhaps without you or he actually calling it that. How can the church unaware of Jesus' teaching on this, or do you just have a different interpretation of some line from the Bible? From what text did you come to this conclusion?

From what I understand, the Catholic church came out against coitus reservatus because it was thought to be an unnatural means of birth control. Since their statement was pretty much contemporary with Noyes, and Noyes also did not seem to be aware of the potency of pre-ejaculate, perhaps someone should ask the pope for an update, given that it is now widely acknowledged that pre-ejaculate is potent.

I'd be interested to know if the first occurrence of the term "coitus reservatus" was in that mandate by the church. If Jesus was advocating it, even without using that term, perhaps the term can be found in earlier Western texts, the Gnostic Gospels, for example. Or maybe any previous uses were in texts that were burned.

Pardon me if I'm asking questions that have already been answered.

I've been using "karezza" or

I've been using "karezza" or "oxytocin rather than dopamine sex" (or some derivative), but I *really* wish there was a better English term too. Glad I'm not the only one with this nomenclatorial problem.

Foreign words are good for people already in the know, but there should be a simple English term too. Maybe since the root of karezza is "caress" it could be called "caressive sex" or "caressing sex"? Caress-oriented sex? Hmm... nah. Nice idea, but... no cigar. Wink Maybe incorporate the word "bonding" into it... though that might get confused too easily with "bondage," which is quite the opposite. "Tantric sex" *would* have been good, except now it's associated with something different. Oneness sex. Merging sex. Relaxed sex. No... these aren't strong enough terms. A new term needs to evoke the main things about the thing, in this case that you switch over to (for lack of better words) oxytocin from dopamine. It's a neuro-chemical shift in the brain. Procreation vs. bonding. Selfish vs. self-less. Goal-oriented vs. timeless deep connection. Holistic sex. Organic sex. LOL. Sacred bonding?

I dunno, I'm starting to think "controlled intercourse" or "non-orgasmic sex" might be the best despite the negativity. Just call a spade a spade. On a simplistic level, which might be the best for nomenclature purposes, the most outstanding feature is control and no orgasm. Well, I don't like "non-orgasmic sex" cuz that sounds suspiciously like coitus interruptus. "Controlled intercourse" so far seems the best to me for introducing the concept to people. Then karezza for insiders.

Still looking for better though!

Sublime Reuniting Karezza

You all are so awesome. I really love reading what you all have to say. I think one word is a good idea. You don't need to explain everything in the title and if you keep it simple people will use it. I love the word sublime. As near as this newbie can tell, Marnia and Gary (and we) are creating something new from old wisdom. So a new word is in order. I like that karezza is a known and established western word that will get people in the right direction. An eastern term should be limited to that specific practice. I haven't done enough study (you all are too distracting) on how Reuniting differs from any particular practice.
Reuniting
Karezza
Sublime Sex

Brainstorming...

I do like the word "karezza". People ask what it means, and you get to say it means "caress" in Italian, a romantic language...it's nice, not too specific or mechanical, but people get the idea after you explain it to them. For the Latin, "coitus carus" would mean "beloved union", and I believe that "carus" is the root word for "carezza" and "care". Also, the Latin word for "caressing" is "blandus", so, that could be a funny little pun - "coitus blandus".

If, not, I still like "caress". So, caressive coitus, conjugal caress, "Karess", "Caress". Also, if you think of a couple kissing or touching while conjoined, the lips are meet at one point, the genitals at another, so the two form a circle. Circular caress, caressive circle, circular energy, circle melt. The Latin for circular love-making is unfortunate, it's "coitus rotundus".

I've been explaining it as "basically, penetrative makeout sessions...", so, I guess the faster a name gets into the public consciousness, the better. I think my favorite is "coitus carus".

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I don't know

where the term first arose. There was no "term" for it in the Gnostic Gospels, just references to intercourse that was calm and under control. And other references to the idea that the goal was transcendental, not procreation. You might have a look at some of these articles: http://www.reuniting.info/taxonomy/term/41

Someone Catholic probably knows a lot more about this than I do, but my sense is that the Catholic Church very much wants more followers, and has had the maximize-followers strategy for a very long time. Even a Catholic nun said in an article I read in Tricyle Magazine (Buddhist) that the Church still condemns birth control because that position "sells" better in developing countries. Those are the followers who fund the Church these days. In the States, law suits about child abuse are bankrupting parts of the Church. Certainly there is nothing in the New Testament suggesting that Jesus was pushing procreation. I once looked. Wink And the Gnostic Gospels say quite the opposite. Their focus is on transcendence.

Here's what Lloyd had to say

He calls karezza, "coitus sublimatus":

But must the nervous sexual surplus find an outlet through the orgasm? Yes, say the doctors of the orgasmal school, or health suffers. Here is where I differ. They recognize a coitus completus, a coitus interruptus, a coitus reservatus, and I would add a coitus sublimatus, which may also be a coitus completus in another way. I teach an embrace in which, in its perfect realization, there is a complete dissipation of congestion, complete discharge of nervous surplus, complete relief from tension and a complete satisfaction. ...

But where the technique of the orgasmal school is followed this embrace can hardly be realized, especially by those of powerful surplus. For everything in their technique tends to create a local congestion which must find relief in orgasm or distress follows. A "mutual, reciprocal, simultaneous friction" must certainly produce this result. I teach an alternation of friction, one positive while the other is passive, or else mutual quiet, magnetation and sublimation being the object. With them the whole matter is sexual and tends downwards to a sexual conclusion. With me the sexual magnetism is generated simply as a current on which to carry the love message, or by which to create the love light, all to be sublimated upwards to a romantic, poetic, spiritual conclusion, satisfying sex incidentally. They would concentrate the energy on the genitals and I would diffuse it from the genitals throughout the system, from the sexual to the affectional, from sex-desire to romance, tenderness, spiritual exaltation and love, affording, I contend, more complete satisfaction than an orgasm, especially to the refined.

Where were you genuises when

I was putting together the most recent manuscript??? Wink All good suggestions.

I ended up using "bonding-based sex" (as contrasted with fertilization-based sex) and "karezza" interchangeably to refer to "it." I did wish I had a better word. I love the "basically, penetrative makeout sessions..." definition. Excellent!

In Peace I used "controlled intercourse", but that's because I hadn't yet read Stockham's and Lloyd's work.

In Cupid I used "karezza," figuring that it was the closest description to what we had been learning...and that it might have some recognition already. Also, I felt that Stockham and Lloyd deserved recognition for their pioneering efforts.

a name...

I think every time I've discussed the practice with someone, I've called it something different. Depending on the person, I've tried to describe in a way they understand. But as for an actual technical term, hmmm..... since it so closely resembles Karezza (and because Marnia is the reincarnation of Alice B. Stockham:), I often call it by that name. Of course, I also like "Pure Embrace" and the Taoist "Dual Cultivation" which I'm just learning about reading "Energy and Eros". (Fantastic book, by the way, very educational and inspirational!)

What to call it

I have contemplated quite a lot about what to call this as well. I generally refer to it as Karezza - that term is simple and unique enough that people don't immediately assume that they know what I mean. If I have time to explain in detail, I do - but worst case, if they look it up on the internet, they will at least get headed in the right direction, and probably find their way to Marnia's book.

Marnia - do you have Karezza as one of the Meta terms on your webpage, so search engines can pick it up?

Greg

Quandry: What to call this kind of lovemaking?

Greg asked:

Quote:
... do you have Karezza as one of the Meta terms on your webpage, so search engines can pick it up?

I think this is a good idea, as this is a known term. Other terms might be appropriate as well to get the attention of those who are searching, but I especially liked how he used the word in conversation.

I have also found myself spontaneously using a couple of terms in my own writings which I will share here: “conscious energetic coupling” or “magnetic melding” (CEC-MM). This helps me to think outside of any system or box, but it does shows my bias toward understanding things in terms of the meridian or nadi systems through which a “life force” theoretically flows. This bias forms the philosophical center piece for all my study and meditation and healing work, which boils down to a “unified field” formula : matter = energy = consciousness.

An off topic question.

Arjay wrote:

This helps me to think outside of any system or box, but it does shows my bias toward understanding things in terms of the meridian or nadi systems through which a life force theoretically flows. This bias forms the philosophical center piece for all my study and meditation and healing work, which boils down to a unified field formula : matter = energy = consciousness.[/quote]

*********************************

My sincere apologies to all participants to this thread, but i find Arjay's formula too interesting to resist an
off topic. Given - as i do understand it - that Your formula "matter=energy=consciousness" implies the
existence of a continuum, how, then, would You propose its working dynamics?

By a vibrational frequency, perhaps?

jb Mirabile-caruso.

Call it Karezza (with "reservations")

Karreza has that certain sound and flair, so important in creating a meme and implanting it into people's minds and spirits.

It's a catchy word with a real meaning, albeit in Italian. Thus there are no negative connotations and maybe a few subliminal positive ones, based upon the sound. People will wonder, "what's this all about?"

That said, the first principle should probably be speak to a person's understanding. New Ager? Use an appropriate term. Born Again Christian? Do the same. Etc.

Best of all, Karreza ought to be a term in the Public Domain.

On the other hand, taking a tip from the current Media Lords who rule by defining the terms and thus the debate, we might want to call it "Love."

Learning From the Mistakes of Others 101:

Libertarianism: Political party that has never gone anyplace real, despite some wonderful ideas, mainly because seven syllables is four too many. As a word, it also has tiptoes over certain rather "goofy" connotations for many people.

Distributism: A wonderful socio-economic model that never attracted much attention for much the same reasons.