New Day

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Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on
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She came to my bed this morning....lay down next to me. I rolled into her and laid my arm across her waist. I enjoyed the contact and stillness. When I come to her, I go crazy with her passivity. Am I bothering her? Is she just putting up with me? Am I asking too much? What the fuck is going on here? But my Isadora coming to me is heaven. She said, "Give me a squeeze and I'm out of here." I did and she was gone. No more than 5 minutes together.
Later, I held her and told her, "My world has changed because of what you did this morning."
"You're easy to please."
"Try to remember that."
Keeping my tenacles to myself. I want so much more. I am, again, astounded how important this contact is and how fragile I am.
Success, health, and prosperity to you all in the new year!

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New Year

She said, "Talk to me." I've been emailing some posts from here. She's on the computer a lot (as I am) and I thought this would be a way to get some of these ideas across to her. She is not really interested in reading Marnia's books or getting involved here. Some of what you all write is so eloquent and express my thoughts better than I am able.
So....New Year"s Resolution:
I will learn to express myself clearly about the greater intimacy I want. I will become a Master Teacher so I can communcate the ideas of Tantra without exciting My Isadora's limbic system.
Let's see what she has to say about that! You should see her flinch when I start to talk about my struggle with my needs. I will have to continue my education, deepen my understanding, and overcome my fears and feelings of inadequacy.
hmmmm....I wonder if she wants a teacher?
Best Wishes to you all

Sounds like

you've definitely got her attention. And you're right that there are some amazing insights shared here. They have certainly enriched my life...and my work. I hope she feels inspired to add hers to the mix one of these days.

AC - you too are inspiring

AC - I find your insights into your relationship helpful for mine. Your posts are poetic and lush with emotion. Thank you for putting it all out there. It lets us share both your triumphs and your frustrations.

May 2010 be a year full of helpful, focused energy for you, my friend.

P.

Thank You

I am visiting my mother until Sunday. She's really sweet and I will bask in the light of her love and the love of my sisters and their families. There will be no drama for me to create.
I brought some more John Wellwood to read, "Journey of the Heart" (pg 71 Passion As Path)[quote]Making love is the literal embodiment of passion of turning into surrender. The whole unfolding of passion....builds toward a moment of orgasmic letting go, in which we feel full and empty at the same time, full of life and empty of self. As we move toward orgasm we can't hold on to our partner, we can't hold on to life, we can't even hold on to our sexual excitement. We have to let it all go. Orgasm carries us across the threshold of the great unknown, beyond the mind, beyond pleasure, beyond the beloved, beyond even relationship iself.[/quote]
May we all move towards enlightenment

Check It Out

Thursday was pretty great. I was away Friday and Sat. nights. Upon my return we went to a party, Sun....and now Monday (4 days) I'm edgy, irritable and needy. I'm being as nice as I can be, when I am able to manage it....so much negativity to supress and dance around. Now is the time for some healing touch, but how do I ask?
I'll keep y'all posted

You're doing great,

You're doing great, Aphrodites. I see definite change in her behavior recently. Keep it up and buy that Intro to Tantra book! I'm delving back into it myself, good stuff.

You're a great man, hope you know that, tentacles and all.

Her Shoulder Aches

so I offered to rub in some healing energy. She declined. Just a little hurt....this is my best stuff I'm offering....I think it's pretty clean....BUT she ain't no fool. We both feel the undercurrent of hurt, anger and fear. That was last night.
Just now I took a 5 minute break from writing this. She called me up to say goodbye before she goes back to sleep. I srtripped and went to her bed. I didn't ask. Shock waves coursed through my body at itintial contact...so hungry.....focused on the love. We lay still and talked quietly. "I was starting to go crazy for wanting this," I said into her ear.
"Why didn't you ask?"
"I was afraid of asking for too much."
"It's not too much."
So there ya go....

Objectivity

I once told my spouse - well actually more than once, this current celibacy period included - that the cancer/impotence was a blessing in disguise - if I were not impotent, if I had to suffer the slings and arrows of indignant erection as I used to - there would have been some serious battles - well, at least moderate ones, I've got decades of training with "wow, another erection, big deal".

Now - that is big picture to a degree, but I think her disagreement was mixed - she said she has hated seeing me go thru it - but I am also aware based on her known triggers that it's understandably been difficult for her too - when functional penis/standard penetration to orgasm is her bread and butter - yeah, it takes a lot of work to give her her staple.

Like many things, a two way street (or double edged sword). But relevant to this post - I think I actually possess an unfair "advantage" to many here - I am no longer driven to madness by my own demanding flesh - spooning against her back - which historically meant she'd be feeling me sporting in seconds, and I'd have to breathe out/deal with the conversation to my genitalia to remind them "not today, guys". But while I have to deal with communication issues from her - she has to deal with there being no such thing as low effort high reward penetration any more, when she prefers flesh to silicone. And even more pointedly to this thread - every night for me is a courtly, flaccid genitals tucked away, courtly night. Which also makes it easy to appear as though I'm having an easy and grand time with any of this. But it does make me realize that from another's perspective, much of what I say is far too easy for ME to say.

Sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more; sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

Back to Bed

I am awake and hear her rise. I go to her bed and, as spoons lie, offer my warmth to her cooled body. She wants to sleep but better than tolerates my touch. No sexual jolt this AM and my dick is soft and safely tucked between my legs. She rolls to me, we hug, and I leave.
I'm hard now, writing this....very courtly don't you think?
Much Love to you all

Ah Sex....

What happened yesterday? Seemed nice enough. Later we showered and I'm ogling...just don't want to stop it. Evening in the hot tub (my back's been hurting since Monday) I go to hold her and she says she doesn't want my extra heat so I kiss her breasts a little and back off. I think not too hot...BUT
This AM meditation was full to distraction of what I will ask for today. So much of my life is spent obsessing on how to get more. I want so much. I'm rapidly descending towards pitiful. Too much sex? desire? 4th day post her O?
I'm thinking I'll just straight up ask for a 20 minute exchange. Yab Yum with caresses and kisses is my first choice. We can bargain from there.

Well

sometimes "less is more." I've been trying to think of a parallel experience from my (distant) past. The real issue may not be "love" or "unkindness." I think it's just a guarded limbic system. Which means the strategy must be "how to sneak past it."

A woman confronts a similar situation if her partner wants erections...but they are...shy. Smile I always found it best to take a very indirect approach. I made sure the man knew an erection was not as important to me as HE was. And I would simply distract him with other kinds of touch and flirting, as if we might...or might not...even get around to intercourse, whether or not he had an erection. No hunger. No demands. Just playful giving.

With the heat off, his limbic system would settle down, making closer union possible. Not sure if any of this might inspire a strategy in your situation. I just know that a battering ram approach makes the limbic guardian think its services are even MORE needed.

And remember to keep expectations low while either of you is in hangover mode. You're seeing a false picture.

I was trying

to make a connection with neediness following increased sexual interest. What happened was I got sick. A 24 hour flu so no contact.
We just watched "Bliss". Not a very good movie about sexual healing. The line that got me was, "Are you doing this because you love her or because you want to make her into the woman you want her to be?" The therapist wanted the man to work on himself rather than trying to fix her.....hmmmm, seems I've heard this before. I mentioned to my Izzy that she has not been shying away from my kisses and hugs. She said I haven't been so demanding.
So I'm going to stay my course of not asking for too much and trust in the progress. I really need to stop stressing about this.