the KEY of recovery in my case

Submitted by 21 on
Printer-friendly version

I'm a 25-year old male. I found this site somehow by searching for information about serotonin (THANKS to GOD for the fortune).

As I read, I found there is a lot bigger picture about how things are working then I expected. A picture of reward system and addiction. A picture that can explain my experience with my urges, sexual desire, orgasms, and hangovers after them. So I gained more knowledge about how my brain works.

Then I tried to quit. And I failed. Try after try. So I was upset and curious about how was possible that I got into a such strong Addiction - that my will is not enough to overcome it.

So I read The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, and I was AMAZED by the discoveries made in neuroscience (I had some knowledge about how my brain is working but not about the power of neuroplasticity).

It always gives me huge hope and consciousness, that it's possible to change a lot of things even more fundamental then I could imagine. So I highly RECOMMEND this book to everybody. It was the most worthwhile reading in my entire life. Also, this site contains very wide and complex information. It's very helpful to explore it.

So the KEY thing that I overlooked while my failures kept repeating was the CONNECTION between orgasms-masturbation-porn-fantasy.

I could will myself to quit masturbation/orgasms due to their consequences and impact on my life. BUT I could not see the deep brain connections arising from my IMAGINATION deep in my mind which was full of porn. These connections were strongly wired to my brain during the time when I was into porn/masturbation. They created a whole big association network of addiction. So it was enough to activate the IMAGINATION of a naked woman body, the act of sex/masturbation, or the feelings of the relief associated with orgasm AND soon the whole network/circuit of addiction in my mind got activated. And reinforced itself even more strongly! [Each thought/orgasm was an automatic "cue" for the others.]

BUT when I realized that the aspects mentioned were interconnected, I was able to CLEARLY SEE WHY urges keep coming. So, notice WHAT leads to what. SEE from where to where the process goes as you become aroused.

Now that I can SEE that, I can BE AWERE of the WHOLE addiction, the whole process.
ONLY when I'm aware of things as they are, can I clearly see the consequences - and also the onset of my behavior-thinking. ONLY then can I CHANGE. Or choose to change.

So, I CHANGED the way I treated everything that was CONNECTED with my addiction (especially my DESIRES and IMAGINATION). I saw everything connected with it (especialy my DESIRES and IMAGINATION) in whole DIFFERENT way. And after 2 months I didn't encouter any urges arising. And even if an urge comes, it has no power over me anymore. And I'm happy.

The crucial part is to REALIZE your Addiction, that is, that there is something IN YOU that has taken over your behavior-thinking, like a computer virus in a computer.
ADMIT IT.
WATCH IT deeply, in every aspect, from every angle, to find out what you have overlooked. EXPLORE, OBSERVE yourself.
LOOK for the CONNECTIONS.
Don't be afraid of the absolutly new things that you discover. They are the most important.
To do that, it will be important to clear your mind. Make time for it, so that you can get deep into it.
It can't be rushed. It can't be forced. The best is when it comes from your own deep curiosity.

Other things/activities that were helpfull for me:

I started to listen to Folk and Chillout music instead of Techno. I found that if the lyrics are not too romantic or dreamy, and if the music is not too fairy-tale like, then it's really soothing to me.

I started to going out for walks. I found that it helps me to clear my mind or to look at the things from another view.

After I read The Brain That Changes Itself by Norman Doidge, I realized that any kind of addiction as well as stressfull / negative thinking damage my brain, so I also quit all negative thinking ("I can't do it"), self depression and anger. Anger and negative thinking can't solve anything and also can't help with anything. That is one of my most important realizations in my life and I'm glad that I finally came to it.

And I think that a minimum of will power is also important. Without any will power you can't do anything. It's like being a machine, which is programmed. The machine just executes, like a slave, the orders coming from the program. So you are no longer a human. And I wanna be a human, not just a SLAVE of some program in my head.

I don't have a girlfriend now. But I agree that with a partner it could be much easier to recover from my addiction. Maybe with a girlfriend I could have sooner realized the things I realized about my addiction. Another human being can be a big eye-opener for your consciousness. I'm also seeing Karezza now as the best way to make love.

I have more energy, more time, better focus and somehow I also have more fun in general.

Once you realize the true nature of your addiction, you will never miss it

Good luck, health and an addictionless life to all of you here.

This is a great post

and I thank you for taking the time to write it up in a foreign language. I'm going to correct it a bit to make it easier for us lazy Americans to read.

If you had to summarize the key ideas, would they be:

--Understand that an addiction really is just "learning" gone wild, creating all kinds of unwanted wiring in the brain, and that it can be reversed, thanks to the fact that our brains are plastic.

--Because the brain is the culprit, both indulgence in fantasy AND acting out have to stop if you want to speed your progress

--Study all the cues that arouse you, so you can watch how all these things are linked with acting on porn urges. Spend time on this. As you become aware of your triggers, you will notice the urges lose their power over time.

--Negative thinking (" I can't do it") slows recovery

--Exercise helps, walking

--Soothing music helps

--Willpower helps

--Reading The Brain That Changes Itself helps!
Excerpts: http://www.reuniting.info/node/1808

--Life is more fun without this addiction

explanation

[quote=Aphrodites Chela][quote]Negative thinking slows recovery[/quote]merde![/quote]
NO I didn't say it. That was Marnia's misunderstanding while she edited my post. I originally meant, that negative thinking generally in the way that: I can't do it. It's not possible. -not just in the case of my addiction, but in approach to the problems in my everyday life.

Sorry

You got it right Ms M....you know me so well
Sometimes I am flooded by negative thinking. Sometimes it seems to be the norm.
So I'm thinking, "Shit, if I've got to stop negative thinking, I'll never get well."
So I'm thinking, with sobriety all sorts of possibilities have opened up. Some of those old images of myself don't quite fit anymore....gots ta update the vocabulary I use about myself.

Lazy but not American

Sorry i am being lazy and cannot even excuse it by being American! Lazy as I have yet to read the book, although have now printed the article. My question is how does a greater awareness and study of the triggers actually dissipate their power?
What am I studying, the form or my response?

thanks for the insights. I

thanks for the insights. I have gone kind of backwards to some of what you have. not in a bad way I guess I would have been better going about these things like you have talked about.

For me. I have found as I get closer and closer to balance I naturally am getting less angry about things. things do not annoy me any more or very little. My patients has gone way up. I mean I am getting calmer every day it seems. Things happen and I just brush it aside it does not bother me any more. the really good part is even when stress does appear I do not use my old meds.

also negative thoughts. I have also started having far fewer negative thoughts. especially about myself. I stay more positive. It is starting to feel a lot better being positive. I was so negative for so long. I mean really negative. Now I can not put into words. I feel like good things can happen for me.

I also agree with analyzing your addiction and triggers. I have started doing that or well I think I have been doing that I am just getting a little better at it I think.

I think I am getting close to that stage of the addiction not having power over me. Not there yet but getting closer. I am happy about that, I am sure I will be even happier about breaking this addictions hold on me completely.

Thank you
be safe

Very interesting

I noticed in a review that the author speaks of the "satiation depressed." That suggests that maybe rampant porn use could indeed be causing depression. Doesn't look like the author addresses sex directly, however. Have you read it?

Yes I read it

In his terminology the *satiation depression* occur in peaple who fanatically search for peaceful time spending without any interruption, when everything have to go smooth
and the *arousal depression* ocuur in peaple who search for adrenaline, stress, excitment
...
And I'm not sure that the technique for OCD by Dr. J. Schwartz is somewhere there so I post the links to his site
http://www.hope4ocd.com/selfhelp.php
http://www.hope4ocd.com/foursteps.php
http://www.hope4ocd.com/mindfulness.php

Thank you

I am going to order this book tomorrow and try to find squeeze some time in to read this. It looks like a very good read and I am hoping it will have the same effect on me.

more understanding

about my emotianal needs, which leads to more balance, more colors in my life and more PEACE. I'm not kidding. It's amazing how much is here in ME and I just jgnored it for a so long time.

Thank You

Thank you for this post! It is awesome!

I sent it to my partner and even though he didn't say anything I know he read it and it means something to him. Things are changing in our relationship.

I am so grateful. I wish you every happiness!

K.

Glad to hear it

He should check out this site too. It collects a lot of the stories from here...with more being added daily: wwwlyourbrainonporn.com

Wishing you both well!