Three weeks without orgasm for nothing

Submitted by Mask on
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Hello everyone I am new here and this is my first post:
I have been masturbating for 4 years (I'm 18 years old) and i had made up my mind to stop since i recently discovered i am an addict and had the shaky hands problem.
I was concerned that my neurons were dying too fast and my brain couldn't handle keep up the production so during a 3 week period i have been in intense emotional pain and insomnia. But these were nothing compared to a certain symptom. In the second week I had a dream about an old female classmate of mine. Nothing sexual just hanging around... and that dream increased my withdrawal pain ten fold but even so.. it was not enough to make me give in to my addiction.

Three weeks have passed since i had an orgasm and i finally started to feel the pain go away.I was so happy i couldn't believe it.
The following night I had a wet dream that simply restarted the whole cycle... the pain is back,I'm anxious again and I don't know how much i can resist the need to masturbate.

Is there a way to stop wet dreams? Because I really don't want to live in a withdrawal state all my life.

Where is your support?

Who is holding you, carressing you, kissing you, and telling you that you are wonderful, courageous, and have done what few men can?
As Marnia has said, recovery is not linear. Just keep building on your sobriety.
It won't be forever, at about 50 testosterone will start falling off and it will be somewaht easier.
Wishing you success long before then

No need for support

[quote=Aphrodites Chela]Who is holding you, carressing you, kissing you, and telling you that you are wonderful, courageous, and have done what few men can?
As Marnia has said, recovery is not linear. Just keep building on your sobriety.
It won't be forever, at about 50 testosterone will start falling off and it will be somewhat easier.
Wishing you success long before then[/quote]

Support is at it's best when someone cannot resist his/her addiction any longer.Resisting is not really a problem.I need to know that it's worth resisting the need, not going 3 weeks through pain then have a wet dream and then go ANOTHER 3 weeks through pain just so the same thing can happen again.

3 weeks

It might not work exactly like that-like for every 1 orgasm the cycle lasts for one period of time (3 weeks). Orgasms under different circumstances could elicit a different response in the brain. I found that having a dream orgasm has affected me in different ways at different times. Its hard to give a general timeline for this because its based a lot on how we reach climax too. A dream might or might not do the same thing to our brains.

Is it worth it?
You dont lose anything with abstaining only gain. You will not live the rest of your life in withdrawals because these things can take a while to calm down. Remember, youve been going at it for 4 years straight, this could take a few trial and errors on your part. I think if you stick with it, youll see that its not as bad as your fears are making this out to be. Big picture!

Wet dreams

Wet dreams are hard to control because while you are asleep youre dreaming and you have little control over it. The best way to prevent wet dreams is to have control over your thoughts while you are awake and you will have dreams that have less to do with sex. I wouldnt worry about getting this right so quick, youve had this habit for awhile and your body and mind might have to "cycle down" for a bit. 3 weeks is good, build from that experience and keep trying, it doesnt have to be perfect right now. Its a good time to practice celibacy because your mind is still developing. You have good sense to try to take care of this problem now. Your mind will be a lot stronger and your emotions will be a lot steadier.

With everything I can muster with sincerity..

I've so far sort of held myself in check before responding to someone's posts if it struck a deep chord inside me - Marnia's got me gradually dropping my reservations. So here's my first go at it.

Do not - please, for yourself - do not beat yourself up for this. While not with porn, I was essentially a masturbation addict from approximately age 15 (almost 16) until, honestly, about age 44. While I've not researched it to the Nth degree - trust me - there's not a form of solo exploration I have not only tried, but exhausted to full potential (except the autoasphyx-whatever it's called - sorry, not the way I want to be found dead). I have lasted as long as ten weeks before a wet dream or masturbation (actually typically only last 2-3, have hit 6-8 many times - I was doing great on the ten week one, but that no contact full clothed orgasm was manipulatively triggered by someone who was way too far inside my head and decided to push a button).

None of us can control wet dreams - for you to have gone as long as you did before getting caught by the wet dream is incredible progress for your age - do not let it discourage you into any sort of "might as well, I'll eventually wet dream anyway" pitfall - it'll rapidly make masturbation, orgasm, and sex in general become something you do in a reclusive, walled off, internalized way. Just like I did for much of my life.

You have experience and support here, and people in your corner - personally, I think this site has the most beautiful collection of people willing to help from the "no grace of God, there WENT i" standpoint.

Sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more; sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

Bummer

I'd be feeling sorry for myself, too.

What are you doing on the social side of things? There are two prongs to the advice here. One is to reboot the brain. The other is to make sure it can get lots of the rewards it evolved to find (close, trusted companionship, friendly interaction). Work both angles at the same time for best results in terms of increased feelings of well-being from a more balanced brain.

I suspect the orgasms were just so close together that your brain couldn't return to equilibrium between them...hence the more severe hangover from the dream. Of course...maybe it was encouragement to try for a longer time next time. Wink

Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure others are running into similar snags, and it's comforting for them to see they aren't alone.

*big hug*

Reboot

[quote=Marnia]I'd be feeling sorry for myself, too.

What are you doing on the social side of things? There are two prongs to the advice here. One is to reboot the brain. The other is to make sure it can get lots of the rewards it evolved to find (close, trusted companionship, friendly interaction). Work both angles at the same time for best results in terms of increased feelings of well-being from a more balanced brain.

I suspect the orgasms were just so close together that your brain couldn't return to equilibrium between them...hence the more severe hangover from the dream. Of course...maybe it was encouragement to try for a longer time next time. Wink

Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure others are running into similar snags, and it's comforting for them to see they aren't alone.

*big hug*[/quote]

Interesting, can you please tell me more about rebooting the brain?

Also, thanks to everyone for they're replies.

Rebooting means

doing just what you're doing.

By avoiding orgasm for an extended period, you're unhooking it from whatever stimuli it's currently hooked to in your brain. Eventually your brain stops looking to the old stimuli to produce a climax. You'll know it's working because your desire to brave connections with real people will pick up.

But get lots of support in the meanwhile, because, as you said, withdrawal can be hell. Connections with others help a lot.

my observation is:

You have still a lot of irritating imagination in your mind.
You can suppress them, but they'll come back. I found that it's not good idea to runaway from them.
I think the best you can do is that you transform your imagination.
How to do it? You have to face your thoughts. Look at them from other angles. Find out their nature.
Then will come the transformation and the obsession will fade away.

Thanks for sharing

this advice, too, because no matter how determined someone is, these old triggers are going to surface. Could you give a specific example of a theoretical one and how you would transform it?

I think you are doing great.

I think you are doing great. I did not even come close to 3 weeks till well into trying to stop. Do not let that get you down though. It is worth it. I know how it feels and to have the thoughts that the pain and hurt will last forever. I have been there. I have also been where you are waking and just losing all control because of it. I have been on my own journey for awhile now. I know that if you just keep abstaining it will get better. It will not feel like it at times. It will get better though. It also may take some time. You just have to stick with it. I know it is difficult. It hurts and aches and just plain sucks at times. It will not be all the time and it will not be forever though. Keep in mind you have figured out you need to stop this at a much younger age than I. I did not figure this out till last year and I am now 37. You are way ahead of me :). So please do not give up. Just keep doing your best it will work out for you. You are worth it. Please keeping coming here and reading and sharing it will help.
Just wanted to add it was not for nothing. It was a big step and you will benefit from that 3 weeks.

Welcome
wishing you well
be safe.

This has never worked for

This has never worked for me. I just know that right now if I masturbate it does not go well. I start with a time limit then I break that then I end up going for orgasm. If I end up going for orgasm there is a good chance that porn will follow. I am sure some can do as you suggest. I just do not think it is for everyone.

So what's wrong with porn?

Porn, per se, isn't any more the problem than masturbation. Well, OK, most porn does glorify orgasm, but you can edit out the orgasms.

Listen, you can be forgiven for an accidental orgasm, especially if you are able to stifle it midstream. But when you throw in the towel and actually "end up going for orgasm...." Man, that's weak.

Lucid dreaming?

This is going to sound off-the-wall, and since I am not a young man, or even a man at all, perhaps I should keep my mouth shut, but your post made me wonder about how learning to lucid dream (at least somewhat) might be for controlling wet dreams? What I'm thinking is: perhaps if you could wake up in the (wet) dream to the fact that you are dreaming, you could guide the dream in a different direction before you ejaculate, so that you don't end up ejaculating at all (if that kind of thing is even possible, that is)? Just a thought.

I have been in the lucid

I have been in the lucid dream mode. some times it goes well some times it does not. I am doing it less and less now. the further I get away from my hypnosis issues the less I drop into this state. I guess I may not be the best one for this though. My hypnosis stuff was all based on sex and sex fantasies. So my lucid dreams were all sex. like masturbation it may start out ok but it soon ends badly for me. It is kind of cool to be in that state of dream and in control though. maybe one day I can do it without sex involved.

Anyone else have any experience with lucid dreams.

Most of my dreams have a

Most of my dreams have a lucid quality to them, although I don't do anything with the lucidity. In other words, I don''t use the lucid state to direct the dream at all, because I am curious about what the dream itself wants to do. Sometimes, though, my dreams are so lucid that I actually think I am awake and then realize that I am dreaming.

Well I can tell you one

Well I can tell you one thing. since I have come as far as I have I can talk to you after what you posted and be completely calm. go back 3 months and I would be in a rage right now. I really like where I am at now. I am so much calmer. I am losing my rage and anger which I am glad about. I have found out that the temper I had was linked to this addiction.

I am not sure what your background is with p/m/o. Maybe you are that much stronger than I. I am just telling you not everyone can do as you say. If you read all the stuff on this site and go beyond this site you will learn how addictions work. It is not simply willpower and a statement of I quit. There is so much more to it. I thought like you at one point. I thought addicts were just weak willed. that they just did not want to quit. I learned the hard way how wrong I was.

Porn. porn is bad. there is really nothing good about it. I thought like you a long time also. so much has changed for me over the last few months. I see just how bad it is. masturbation can be a problem also. it may not be a problem for everyone or forever. It can and is a great problem for some.

Have you tried to quit p/m/o ? how did it go ? just wondering not attacking or anything I just want to know your story and if you are currently using porn ?

I think there's a lot wrong with porn...

I think there's a lot wrong with porn... internet porn has created a generation of addicts, it objectifies women, it's an industry with a high death rate, it really is all about intercourse and orgasm, not about loving relationships.

Not sure what there is to be gained from masturbation without orgasm... obviously for you there is benefit, but for me it would just make the battle that much harder. I agree with James, playing it close to the edge like that will just end up with a fall off the cliff.

I don't think anyone needs to be 'forgiven' for an accidental orgasm... it's that an accidental orgasm will result in a hangover, all the brain chemistry stuff, and it will make the following days harder to get through. Personally, I don't think it's worth the risk.

And I'm sure you didn't mean it like it came out, but "Man, that's weak" ??? James is one of strongest, most determined people I've ever 'met'.

time_for_change

Dear Mask

Several years ago I used to have "wet dreams" periodically. What helped me
was to strenthen my PC muscle by completely cutting off the flow of urine
several times when I emptied my bladder. At first I could not even cut off
the flow completely, but as I continued I began to see progress. I have not
had a single "wet dream" since I strengthened this often neglected muscle.

The analogy I like for dreaming is "defragging your harddrive." The mind sorts out and re-processes everything that you have taken in the previous day. I think sexual dreams are promoted by sexual intake. In the current climate of "in-your-face" sexual provocation, it's important what we allow in through our eyes - the "windows of our soul."