masturbation while sleeping or unconscious/partly aware?

Submitted by Sirens on
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whys this happen? anyone do this? its like part of my brain controls my body while my thinking rationalizing part is suppressed during sleep

like it just happens at night and sometimes leads to ejaculation/wet dreams.
the next day i'll feel even more pressured to do it when fully awake

how do you limit this or stop it?

would cutting out any type of fantasy/sexual thought during waking hours help?

Wish I knew..

If I did know how to stop it, would have implemented the cure years ago, altho I have not done so nearly as often for the last 4-5 years. Has some perplexing symptoms - waking to find one's hands between one's legs - my most prevalent, vivid dreaming to the point I was (yes, we can all laugh) dry humping the matress in my sleep - occasionally my spouse would wake to find me dry humping her hip or derriere. Both frustrating, arousing, annoying all at the same time. But it is not merely a male/penis phenomenon. More than a few times thru the years, I've woke to the bed slowly creaking/rocking because my spouse's hips were moving in her sleep, and more than once her movements/murmurs woke me to find she was exhibiting the hand in her panties mode. More than once, I engaged her because I was hoping she'd wake and be receptive, but oddly enough, never once despite her sex dreams was she receptive when conscious.

And yes, I'm aware that anyone of either gender can fake sleep even easier than an orgasm, and that perhaps she was awake and hoping I'd stay asleep so she could finish in comfort. But actually, she's always pretty obviously asleep or awake, doesn't have much of a middle ground.

I've been fortunate - impotence totally shut down sleep masturbation - some days, wish it'd stopped the dreams too.


I was ASLEEP and I woke up DOING that!!


Then later in the day I just gave in!

I think that abstaining from the thoughts as well is the best thing as I think that "thoughts" spurred it on to be uncontrollable along with what I perceive to be a breakdown in social relationships for me. "perception"...and other hopeless beliefs I was telling myself.

The two in combination led to my demise! So my point would be first that it was a breakdown in messages I was telling myself about lack of intimacy...and I stopped "Acquiescing Outward" like the oracle says.

I had thought earlier that... you know, if the "law of attraction" is at play all the time that when I indulged in masturbation that I was telling the universe "I don't need anyone but myself." or I was saying "All I have is me..." and so...that's what I get, I guess. But when I was feeling more hopeful about inner strength and relationships... I didn't WANT to just have myself. So, I was saying to the universe... "I want others in my life."

Again... what I see is that first and foremost it was a breakdown at the level of my thinking about myself in RELATIONSHIP to others that led to my telling myself negative messages and eventually to give in to self indulgence.

Just my humble opinion/report


Having only one's self...

is far too common a theme in solo fulfillment. It can be driven by such a myriad of potential motivations - feeling unattractive, feeling shame or guilt or unworthy/incapable of having a "normal" (I prefer the term "healthy") physical relationship. And I think that can happen in a relationship, or if one is not in a relationship. One way or another, when it comes to one's very personal, private, and sexual self, a feeling that we can only ultimately rely on ourselves for what we need. But I actually think that the most common one is perhaps when people who are not in a healthy relationship feel that the only one who truly cares enough to fulfill their needs is themselves - which I think is often born from the feeling (whether hangover driven or because of emotional retreat as a result of lack of communication, or as is often pointed out, the all too common selfishness of orgasm-driven lovemaking). That it's most comfortable to take care of that need ourselves rather than be vulnerable enough to trust another to selflessy fulfill us, because in that belief system, at least we know that we ourselves have our own fulfillment as primary/sole focus. I honestly think that that is one of the biggest failures in most instances - and that sense of barrier or wall or self preservation is often driven by some other apparently unrelated issue or concern in the non-physical parts of the relationship - most often communication. A number of rambling thoughts at the moment, but I'll try to keep the thread pure and not muddle it by rambling, that's what blogs are for.

Altho, now that I say this - I'm not at all convinced that orgasm-driven sex can be pure lovemaking, because we all at some point amidst the heat start getting sidetracked by our own arousal no matter how pure our giving motivation was at the onset. As Marnia often points out - the biology of it is deuce difficult to overcome. I also think that even in the case of wanting to give one's partner the O, many people are still thinking in terms of "if I really rock their world, they'll do the same for me". And I think that some elements of the hangover kick in immediately after orgasm, before everyone has even caught their breath - not a day or days or a week or two weeks after - so the concept of "if I do this, it'll be returned" reward system doesn't pay off that often. I think it's also a matter of simply being human - we all get sidetracked by what we're receiving no matter how hard we try to focus on the giving. So we're back in "I'm the one I can always rely on" mode. And it is frustrating - but I do want to thank you for how you said it - because the concept of not wanting to be all I have, knowing that there is far more if we work for it - yeah.

Sometimes the truth isn't good enough. Sometimes people deserve more; sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

And truly...

we just haven't known very much about the best way to "nourish" each other in pair bonds.

I'm realizing that the Kinsey-style advice that is so popular these days is for lifestyles where sustaining pair bonds isn't the objective. It's a different subconscious "language," if you will.

Pair bonders who *want* sustainable pair bonds need to study pair bonding animals, for example, who don't engage in mating frenzy all the time, and who groom and hang out with each other and work together on things (like raising the pups or building a nest...probably not in that order) a lot.

And, even primates who have sex a lot...don't necessarily orgasm a lot. At least bonobos and macaque monkeys don't. So there are lots of clues that we might have barked up the wrong tree if we want to use sex for closer, more satisfying bonds.

Yes, me too

My masturbation habit, which is nearly gone, always involved waking up in the morning semi-conscious while other 'parts' of my body were wide awake and ready to go. I would soon roll over onto my belly and start fantasizing about a girl or something - you can imagine where that led. For a while I thought I could use self-control to masturbate without orgasm, but doing this is really difficult when awake and nearly impossible when semi-conscious. Still, I managed to cut my orgasm frequency down to about once every few weeks, but I ALWAYS slipped up. The only way for me to kick this habit is by cutting out fantasizing and masturbation entirely, which is what I'm trying to do now.

Cute Goddesses

YES actually! SmileSmile

On Saturday morning I found myself snuggling in a girl's bed. She's curious, open-minded, and affectionate. If I had to choose just one of my friends who would be open to karezza and BBs, she would be the girl. Yipee.

Any Progress?

Hi, I've read your comments! Any improvement or progress with this situation?

I have this same problem and I'm looking for input from others on how this is going. It's a lot to wrap one's mind around and I would love to hear if there's any progress or what your pursuing from here to resolve it.

Thank you! I appreciate your comments!!