Submitted by Seeker on
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I put this in my daily thoughts post but decided it needed its on entry because of some of the stuff I read this morning

I think I have figured out what causes relapses even after 30days and more when you try to break this addiction and probably any addiction. Mental, Physical, Emotional and spiritual fatigue sets in. I am feeling all of those now. I think you only have to hit your limit on one of these to have a relapse. I also think there is little you can do to stop some of the relapses. There are things you can do but it can only go so far. I am not suggesting giving up here but the opposite. It is like exercise. When I first started on the treadmill I was going 5 minutes at about 3 mph and would be too winded to continue. Now I can go at an incline of 5 for an hour at well over 4mph and could keep going but choose to end my workout there. I think this is like that. You have to keep working at it till you can go as long as you want without or not giving in cause you have built up your endurance. Those are thoughts about this. I could be wrong but I feel the fatigue starting to set in. I am doing as much as I can. I am just starting to lose focus a bit. I am also slowing down on some activities. Some have stopped and I just feel to "tired" to try doing them. It is kind of strange to observe this in myself.



Yes, I've come to a similar fatigue (10 weeks in) after having a few weeks of feeling like the fight was over and that I had freed up loads of energy so that I could achieve anything... now my energy has really dropped and I'm wading through treacle trying to get through the tasks of the day.

Why my energy has dropped? It is always hard to say, as so many factors are at play. I don't think it's withdrawal symptoms after this long... it could just be the post-Christmas dip, or it could be the prolonged snow we're having here in the UK (and many other places too I gather). Bad diet... lack of sleep... who knows?

But one thing is certain is that losing focus because of this has resulted in my mind wandering down the path of sexual fantasy a little too far before I realise what's happening. I've lost my edge, my ability to see it arising and catch it before it does, and when I do catch it, it takes more effort to draw back. I've been having the "poor me" thoughts too... but I recognise that now (it's taken a week!)... really, self-awareness is the key to this whole process for me; it's losing that awareness that causes the slide.

Thanks for the post James, it's been a help.



the information at this site is for "reuniting" the sexes, not achieving monk-hood. Please, gentlemen, try moving toward closer contact with the women in your lives and see if the fatique fades. Remember, you are pair-bonding mammals. Smile

It has been discovered before (on here) that abstinence can only take you so far. Anyone remember Redbeard's posts? He finally broke down and got a sweetheart. Wink

Hey James,

take it easy. Do not worry or stress about it. Please remember just how few blokes in the world go without at least a weekly (intentional) orgasm. You are already doing much better than that. And bring to mind just how far you have come - it is a long way since last year. And know that there is more to come, life has much more to offer soon.

I am in partial relapse or

I am in partial relapse or something. I am very close to masturbating. It hit hard few minutes ago. I was on my knees with clinched fist on the floor. I could not move for minutes just trying to keep from giving in. After that I started forcing myself to produce precum. I have managed to stop that. I now have just a massive headache. I still want to give in. I do not know what will happen tonight. I just do not know that I can hold off. How can I write about it and not want to do it and still I might and I just do not know. It just wont stop and it is the strongest cravings I have experienced maybe ever. again this just sucks. I want that 30 day mark without masturbating to orgasm. it will hurt so much to give in this close.

What is holding me back or

What is holding me back or causing me pain?

Is there something I need to be alert to in my situation?


What insight will help me at this time?


This may not help at all

but I am moved almost to tears by that previous post. Thank you for helping me to feel that, the intensity and humility in your desire for growth and change that comes through your words. I'm almost speechless (and that does not happen often, just ask anyone who knows me).

m78 Listen to Marnia's


Listen to Marnia's comment. Celibacy or asceticism probably should not be the goal though I think it is easier to live with extremes, either hedonism on one end or asceticism on the other. The middle road is difficult because it requires moderation.

Sexual energy is the most natural energy in the whole world. Shutting oneself up from might be counter-productive; living harmonious with it -- giving it and receiving it in a normal, consistent way is good. While having its shadow, Eros is a valid and very important kind of loving. Some people, like the Greeks, thought Eros was the primary love in the world and that all the other loves, (friendship, agape, philia) all derived from it.

Maybe if you open the door to some sexual energy either with some one or alone things may open up.


We aren't trying to be ascetics or monks, we are simply trying to find relief from a sexual addiction that has caused us a ton of misery. "Balance" is a lot to ask for for someone going through something like this. Please try to understand that for a sex addict, a period of celibacy is necessary to "reboot". Could there be balance for an alcoholic? Until a sex addict can find themselves in a safe and committed long term relationship with clear boundaries and goals, "balance" for us is going to be close to impossible.

What hurts

most about the situation, James?

Is there anything you can do to plan some social contact? I think bottled up energy is easier to deal with if you have a sense of forward motion.