Hi everyone. Thanks for the warm welcome Marnia,
I went about 19 days without orgasm. I want to comment on my experience of that, but first, I want to sort of "introduce myself" a little better, and tell you about what experience I have in this area.
I've been mostly non-ejaculatory for 14 years (I'm 40). This started with an interest in Mantak Chia's book, which I've seen people refrence here. I guess when I was 26, I'd become bored with the male orgasm, and was searching for "something more." I think - though I wasn't really explicitly aware of it - I was also searching for a way to create more intimacy and more romance using sex.
Unfortunately, I came away from it believing that orgasm was fine, as long as you didn't ejaculate. I'd like to be really clear about this: although non-ejaculatory orgasm is less depleting than an ejaculatory one, it's still depleting. It still puts you on the post-orgasm blues. At least that's my experience.
Non-orgasm is much more challenging for me than non-ejaculation was. And from what I've experienced so far, the rewards are much, much greater.
As I got older, "romance," and "sexual intimacy" seemed to be goals that faded into the distance; especially within the context of a long-lasting stable connexion. For me, The Cupid's Poisoned Arrow has been lethal to my relationships. Now I have new hope, even though I'm currently single. In fact, becoming aware of this information while being single, is perhaps a blessing. I can start my next serious relationship with my new... what shall I say "tools of love and longevity"?
Experiences of My First 19 Days Without Orgasm
Right away I noticed a huge increase in my perception of my energy levels. I say "perception" because I think I felt like I had more energy than I actually did. Nonetheless, this increase was welcome.
Also, I noted quite quickly the feeling that time was moving slower. This was also a very pleasant surprise. Could it be, that the common complaint of our lives flying by as we get older is due to a cycle of low-grade orgasms?
My drive - for work and success - also seemed to elevate. This wasn't in a manic way, but was a smooth change. Less procrastination, more enthusiasm. For me, this is huge. I have big problems motivating myself. When I'm being hard on myself, I think of myself as lazy. As I continued to go without orgasm, there seemed to a tectonic shift in my motivation for life in general.
On the downside, I sometimes felt a little too speedy and hyper. One night, as I was drifting off to sleep I started to a huge, sharp cracking or bang in my own head. Weird. It was some kind of strange release. It was a little scary. Marnia, has anybody else reported this? I also found myself driving faster - which can be deadly in Thailand! I think higher dopamine levels are probably responsible for this.
Sexual obsession has also been a problem for these 19 days. I still had pornographic images in my head. And women all around me started looking very attractive indeed. I masturbated (without orgasm) in order to try to transform, or cycle this energy; I'm not sure how successful I was. After 19 days, I lost control during an intimate encounter. I'm okay with that. Live and learn.
Lessons Learned, New Strategies.
I feel that a lot of my sexual obsession is due to cultural programming. We're inculcated into strange sexuality in the West. A mix of sales and sex, which isn't always too healthy. If I can see the energy I get by not orgasming as just energy, and not sexual energy, I may be able to redirect it more, and thus calm myself. I associate having a charge in my body with being turned on. Maybe I could just see myself as being charged.
Relaxation is more important than it was when I was just being non-ejaculatory. In fact, I feel that it's during relaxation that energy actually moves, not during muscle contractions. The contraction are a means to relaxation.
For me, energy transformation exercises were not enough in themselves (as I've done them) to get me into "balance." I may need a period of being totally hands off. No self stimulation. I'm not sure I can do this... I'm going to look through these archives for inspiration, and to try to figure out if it's the right thing to do.
That's all for now. A final note or two - I find it strange and surreal that I've come across this information (this website and Cupid's Poisoned Arrow) while I'm living what is perhaps the sex-tourism capital of the world: Pattaya Thailand.
Also, I want to thank Marnia and her partner for joining the dots to form the big picture. I feel like I should have figured a lot of this out a long time ago... I just couldn't quite see it.