Submitted by Halo on
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Hi everyone. Thanks for the warm welcome Marnia,

I went about 19 days without orgasm. I want to comment on my experience of that, but first, I want to sort of "introduce myself" a little better, and tell you about what experience I have in this area.

I've been mostly non-ejaculatory for 14 years (I'm 40). This started with an interest in Mantak Chia's book, which I've seen people refrence here. I guess when I was 26, I'd become bored with the male orgasm, and was searching for "something more." I think - though I wasn't really explicitly aware of it - I was also searching for a way to create more intimacy and more romance using sex.

Unfortunately, I came away from it believing that orgasm was fine, as long as you didn't ejaculate. I'd like to be really clear about this: although non-ejaculatory orgasm is less depleting than an ejaculatory one, it's still depleting. It still puts you on the post-orgasm blues. At least that's my experience.

Non-orgasm is much more challenging for me than non-ejaculation was. And from what I've experienced so far, the rewards are much, much greater.

As I got older, "romance," and "sexual intimacy" seemed to be goals that faded into the distance; especially within the context of a long-lasting stable connexion. For me, The Cupid's Poisoned Arrow has been lethal to my relationships. Now I have new hope, even though I'm currently single. In fact, becoming aware of this information while being single, is perhaps a blessing. I can start my next serious relationship with my new... what shall I say "tools of love and longevity"?

Experiences of My First 19 Days Without Orgasm

Right away I noticed a huge increase in my perception of my energy levels. I say "perception" because I think I felt like I had more energy than I actually did. Nonetheless, this increase was welcome.

Also, I noted quite quickly the feeling that time was moving slower. This was also a very pleasant surprise. Could it be, that the common complaint of our lives flying by as we get older is due to a cycle of low-grade orgasms?

My drive - for work and success - also seemed to elevate. This wasn't in a manic way, but was a smooth change. Less procrastination, more enthusiasm. For me, this is huge. I have big problems motivating myself. When I'm being hard on myself, I think of myself as lazy. As I continued to go without orgasm, there seemed to a tectonic shift in my motivation for life in general.

On the downside, I sometimes felt a little too speedy and hyper. One night, as I was drifting off to sleep I started to a huge, sharp cracking or bang in my own head. Weird. It was some kind of strange release. It was a little scary. Marnia, has anybody else reported this? I also found myself driving faster - which can be deadly in Thailand! I think higher dopamine levels are probably responsible for this.

Sexual obsession has also been a problem for these 19 days. I still had pornographic images in my head. And women all around me started looking very attractive indeed. I masturbated (without orgasm) in order to try to transform, or cycle this energy; I'm not sure how successful I was. After 19 days, I lost control during an intimate encounter. I'm okay with that. Live and learn.

Lessons Learned, New Strategies.

I feel that a lot of my sexual obsession is due to cultural programming. We're inculcated into strange sexuality in the West. A mix of sales and sex, which isn't always too healthy. If I can see the energy I get by not orgasming as just energy, and not sexual energy, I may be able to redirect it more, and thus calm myself. I associate having a charge in my body with being turned on. Maybe I could just see myself as being charged.

Relaxation is more important than it was when I was just being non-ejaculatory. In fact, I feel that it's during relaxation that energy actually moves, not during muscle contractions. The contraction are a means to relaxation.

For me, energy transformation exercises were not enough in themselves (as I've done them) to get me into "balance." I may need a period of being totally hands off. No self stimulation. I'm not sure I can do this... I'm going to look through these archives for inspiration, and to try to figure out if it's the right thing to do.

That's all for now. A final note or two - I find it strange and surreal that I've come across this information (this website and Cupid's Poisoned Arrow) while I'm living what is perhaps the sex-tourism capital of the world: Pattaya Thailand.

Also, I want to thank Marnia and her partner for joining the dots to form the big picture. I feel like I should have figured a lot of this out a long time ago... I just couldn't quite see it.


Great stuff, Halo

Believe me, I was none to quick to connect the dots myself, and never would have without a series of coincidences (?). Of course Gary's insights were a huge piece of the puzzle, but in fairness to the rest of us, that neuroscience stuff is pretty new.

I don't know about the "cracking," because everyone uses different words. But here's what one man said:

Today the whole day I have been shaking with jitters similar
to how it felt when I quit smoking. My body has been jolted with
what felt like unusually intense energy, especially in my spine. I feel
tense and stiff for a while and then as if my spinal bones are being
popped and a big relief and then tension and then relief. It just came
out of the blue and has been subsiding.

This process clearly "resets" the nervous system in some ways. Have you ever used the "I Ching?" Sounds weird, but maybe it could offer some insights about whether or not you need to be concerned. Here's an online version:

Feeling like you have "too much" energy is pretty normal at first. Like you, I've always thought that was probably evidence that we usually have too little energy - and returning to "normal" just feels odd at first.

Anyway, glad you're continuing your experiments. Hope you keep sharing. Remember that you can also start your own blog if you wish.


"On the downside, I sometimes felt a little too speedy and hyper. One night, as I was drifting off to sleep I started to a huge, sharp cracking or bang in my own head. Weird. It was some kind of strange release"

I have felt similar things. Not sure I would use crack or bang but that could be it. I know that "pressure" would build and build and I would have a headache that got worse some times. Not always a headache with it. It would build and then snap some type of release would happen. It would through me off in the beginning. I would relapse after that happened. Not sure exactly what it is/was but it was strong.

I have had similar things

I have had similar things happen to me...its like a very loud "bang"...almost like a gun-shot at close range, or sometimes I get great flashes of light, like someone has flashed a klieg light in my head.

Living well is the best revenge *evil grin*