23rd Day.. Thanks a million for this website

Submitted by anonymous on
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Well, this is my first post here.. But I am not new in this community.. I have been visiting this website from past 1-1.5 years.

I will tell something about myself:

I am 20 years old computer engineer & I am pure atheist (proudly) .
I have read many blogs by Marnia & I really wish to thank her a lot
for helping me to get my life back on track
. There is an ancient
practice (lifestyle) in Indian culture called "Brahmachaarya" (Complete
abstinence for the purpose of knowledge) & being science worshiper,
I ignore any Idea that contradicts science.
My sudden success??
Well, right from my schooldays, I was "average".. But I was different.. I always loved science from my childhood & I always told all my friends & relatives that I wanted to be a scientist.
I used to believe in God due to my family background but as I got older, I started challenging my own views about world & realized that Concept of God was nothing but childhood brainwashing or it was another form of "Fear". ( Marnia has mentioned that many of the guys trapped in the dopamine roller coaster had no religious background )
Around the age of 14, I suddenly became one of the "toppers" in my batch with no extra efforts! ( I wasn't masturbating that time. ) I always got higher ranks & I started my engineering degree ).
When I started masturbating, I suddenly became "Average" again! 

How I realized "the truth" about masturbation?

I have been masturbating from 3 years once or more per day!
 As my rank started going down, I checked for the major lifestyle change I did : Masturbation!
From past 3 years I have googled a lot to find out any connection between orgasms & my poor performance.. all the sexologists, all kinds of "experts", reputed websites were saying that masturbation once a day is normal & nothing is "Evil" about it. The only stuff I found was some religious websites having 3 "God"s in every sentence!! (No need to say I ignored them)
I found a chapter in "Think & grow rich" about sexual transmutation & I got interested in this topic.. still I didn't get any positive response from any "Expert" that was in harmony with my experience.
I found reuniting.info..!!
I read all the Marnia's blogs on the topic & like most of the members in this community I got a feeling that Marnia blogged "My Story"... 100% in harmony with my experiences!
I read all the scientific blogs explaining about dopamine/oxytocin cycle..  I verified all those things & I knew it was the moment of "Enlightment"

About my experience of 23 days...
Well,... I cant describe in words...
Thanks a lot Marnia... This knowledge is going to help me for rest of my life..
Some differences I noticed are..
1. Clarity of thoughts.
2. I got my enthusiasm back!
3. No more "cravings"
4. In general, more "mind control"
5. Less procrastination
6. Very less fatigue
7. Reduction in social anxiety ( I never liked to mix up with people, but for past 3 years, I was unable to even tolerate people.. even the concept of being in the crowd used to freak me out 23 days back.. Now I can be in crowd for hours... still I don't find it interesting to spend time with people.. But I never did!)
well, there are many things worth mentioning..
This has really been a very long post, but I am writing this just to free my mind & to feel better & I really wanted to say thanks!
The first week was very difficult for me to control, but I started having more control over my mind after that...
I have some questions about dopamine cycle though..

Hi Anonymous

Thanks for chiming in with your experience. I'm glad you've been conducting your own experiments and lining them up with some of the recent knowledge about the brain.

It's a shame a lot of the experts haven't caught up yet, but they will. Two psychiatrists (both of whom know more than the typical doctor about addiction/recent brain science) gladly endorsed my book, while many sexologists (psychologists) would find it very hard to accept, I'm sure...due to their textbooks. Alas, psychologists have been more focused on getting rid of guilt (also a good thing) than on understanding the recent brain science and its implications. But eventually it will all shake out.

It's interesting that you notice greater ease in social situations...not to mention all the other changes. Learning all this has made me less hostile to religious advice about sex. Misguided and harmfully guilt-producing as much of it has been, it was no doubt well intentioned. Without the brain science piece, it's very hard to explain why more orgasm is not better. Wink

Warning, if you are on your own, you may find that steering for balance is better than steering for perfection. Wink Please feel free to blog your experiences if you like.

But I am afraid

Warning, if you are on your own, you may find that steering for balance is better than steering for perfection. Wink Please feel free to blog your experiences if you like.[/quote]

I know It's very hard to go for perfection, but I am afraid of loosing control over my mind.
If I go for an orgasm, just to keep the "balance", I won't be able to keep control for 2 weeks again! So Isn't it easier to be perfect when I am in control?

Find what works for you

Specifically, I was thinking of the experience of a blogger named Redbeard. He noticed that after a couple of months of feeling great from avoiding orgasm, he actually started feeling anxious. He didn't like ejaculating either, because he knew there would be some down time, but then he was good to go again for quite a while. He realized that the cycles were actually there to push him to find a mate...which he did. Wink

I just don't want you to tie yourself in knots with months of rigid thinking. Go as long as you can. Eventually, you may find out what your cycle is.

Thanks for your reply.

I have a question about Dopamine cycle..

You have mentioned in one of your blogs that dopamine ( which is responsible for motivation ) increases just before orgasm. Does that mean, if a guy is highly aroused by watching porn or something, & if he chooses to avoid orgasm, he will have more enthusiasm for other activities due to increased dopamine?

If only it were that simple

The basic premise that arousal can be turned into enthusiasm seems to be right. "t4ytime"(http://www.reuniting.info/blog/2527) uses this principle...with very "soft" images.

Also, as you no doubt know, a lot of solo spiritual practices use it (self-stimulation), but with a focus on higher thoughts, like love for the divine.

Too much dopamine, consistently, however, can leave you feeling...tense. When we experimented with sex (without orgasm) every day, Gary described it as "feeling like a car engine that is always slightly overheated." It's not comfortable, and it can make you restless or even irritable. It also tends to push you back to orgasm, if not one day, then the next. Today's superstimulating Internet porn is especially likely to do this. It's "crack" for the brain, in a sense, because videos are such intense neurochemical experiences. (As an aside, Gary and I found that the answer for us is to snuggle every night, but not to have intercourse every time.)

My sense is that "michael78" is wise when he says, "Never self-stimulate while looking at erotic images. If you look at erotic images do that only (look but do not touch); if you want to self-pleasure, only do that and nothing else;" http://www.reuniting.info/node/3239#comment-16031

Otherwise you're wiring porn to sexual arousal...and when you're with a partner or masturbating, those porn images are going to flood your mind and grab the controls. Wink This can be distracting and can create emotional distance.

I will keep experimenting..

Well, I'll read other member's blogs, experiences.. They have really helped me in these 23 days..
In general, I really need to learn some social skills, I don't have much experience of "really" mixing with people ( I just pretend like I am one of them, but I never feel so.) I really have a problem talking with "normal" people (About computers/science, I can talk for hours with anyone but I cannot (Don't like to) speak a word about normal topics).
I will try to spend more time with people & see what happens.
michael78 makes sense in this context. But it is really hard to completely abstain from any erotic thoughts etc.
Well, surely, It will take time to reprogram these instincts.
Also, there were many people practicing Brahmacharya, who were able to completely abstain from such thoughts, surely, they never had an orgasm in their entire lives & yet they had very good health & they did a lot of brainy work so I am sure it can be achieved by any human being having that much will power. (Which blind faith in God provides)
You are right here : religious beliefs are very powerful to control such things. But as they are based on false belief, I find them harmful.
I will look into blogs by Redbeard as you suggested, but 2 months is really long time for me!
I don't care if I like to mix with people, I just want to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling I get when interacting with people. ( Social anxiety )

Well, keep us posted

on your progress.

Re: social anxiety: one technique that works for some people is to start by simply making eye contact while walking through a crowd. Or make eye contact and smile. Don't bother trying to talk about nonsense until you're ready! Wink

23 days is great

Its encouraging to see that whenever this period of abstinence is tried, strikingly noticeable results are achieved. I practiced bramachaarya for nearly a year when I was a hare krishna vaishnava a few years ago. I thought the reasons that I felt good and "myself" were because of the religion itself. I had no idea of the power of non-indulgence on its own. The temple was a good environment for this from what I remember, I did not struggle at all with any cravings. I think because I had the support of more experienced celibates and good genuine company with guys my age, It was pretty easy. I did hit a couple of emotional snags that kind of remind me of my current struggle, but there seemed to be someone around to help me out with my mood.

Its great that you are able to figure this out at a young age. Its been an important thing to discover for my own well-being. Hang in there and keep us updated on your feelings while you are going through this, it helps all of us here.

Hello Dirtyangel32,

One year of abstinence is like a dream thing for me.. It's difficult to have such mind control over that large span of time..
Religious beliefs are really powerful in mind control.
Basically, you felt good because of abstinence as well as it's a group psychology..
When you pray with a group of people, it automatically creates a feeling that you are one of them.
I have read about brahmacharya & many people mentioned that no atheist can practice brahmacharya & The belief in higher power is most important.
But I find religion just a a mixture of fear/ignorance/laziness ( Mental ).
It is irresponsible to call something a "blissful experience" overlooking science/logical explanation behind it.
The baseline is ABSTINENCE is much more important than belief in higher power as it is the PURPOSE while BELIEF is the process.

Belief in a Higher Power

Anonymous, belief in a higher power does not have to mean belief in an omniscient, omnipotent being. It could also be the belief that people are capable of working together towards a higher purpose. It could include the idea that we can rise above our biology and work together instead of competing.

Another way of viewing religion is that it provides a lens, a model, with which to come to grips with reality. Not every religion believes in an all powerful god or a life after death. Many people who are the antithesis of fearful/ignorant/lazy are profoundly religious. If you are comfortable where you are, fine! If you are not, then please do not dismiss ALL religion with one blanket statement. Try exploring.


I agree with all the rest

Yes, I do believe that we humans are capable of doing million times better that what we can achieve now.
We can really improve in many ways just by changing our patterns of thinking & this website is the best example of the same.
We can really do miracles, just by changing our ways of thinking.
I don't have objection just against "religious people", I just have objection against ignorance: It is the main cause of all poverty & suffering.
As Napoleon Hill says "Riches & poverty are just states of mind".