Submitted by karmayogi on
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Dear Reuniting Community,

I'm new, just found this website last week. I'm currently on day 7 right now of abstinence from orgasm, and already am feeling more energy and higher self-confidence around women. I've had several periods over the last year where I went for a week to two weeks without masturbating, but I always then revert back to daily or nearly daily masturation.

I have been in recovery from alcohol and drug addiction for three years now, and thus have a good bit of experience analyzing my own addictive behaviors. Since I got sober from drugs and alcohol, I have also realizd that I am addicted to sugar, comfort eating, and orgasm/masturbation. The key to my recovery from drugs and alcohol has been complete abstinence from them, as it's the first drink or drug that will eventually lead me back to habitual, compulsive use.

I've seen this pattern time and time again with trying to abstain from masturbation. I do well for a period if I am dedicated, but as soon as I decide to masturbate again, the next day I do as well, and then the next day, and the daily masturbation cycle has started all over again. So although I know this site has stated several times that complete abstinence is not necessarly the goal, I feel that in my case it's the only thing that is going to work. Has anyone else come to this conclusion? Moderation just seems completely out of my grasp.

Thanks,
KarmaYogi

Welcome KarmaYogi

What you have felt is pretty common here in this forum..in fact the literature here suggests that one goes through a complete abstinence phase of 6 weeks so that the mind can "reboot" ...balance then returns and we become better aware of the urges and their causes enough to take evasive action...for the 6 weeks though one has to try one's best not to fall for the trap that the limbic brain sets up for one....

wish you success...

Cheers,
Reggie

Complete abstinence

A period of complete abstinence can be helpful to those who have compulsively sought orgasm. Over the years of addiction, we've kind of "crossed wires" on how we deal with intimacy and it can take a little while to untangle them. Taking orgasm out of your life for a while helps to give you the space to address your underlying anxieties and depression and reassess what healthy intimacy is. You've probably learned a lot going through drug and alcohol recovery, so hopefully all of this wont be too traumatic. As you noticed, addictions can float. You start to get control of one and then you soon have another. However, this addiction here with orgasm seems to be primal to a lot of other addictions and compulsions, at least that's been my experience. A lot of my depression seemed to be connected with sex and by freeing myself from it even temporarily, has allowed me to address some of these issues for the first time.

The power of abstaining is usually starts to become clear once you get through the first three weeks or so.

Moderation is difficult, most of those here who have been heavily addicted to orgasm for a while have had to stop for a while. There is another option, which is the pair bonding behaviors if you are with a partner, but those too include refraining from orgasm for a while. It's tough, but it is possible to get through this. We will always be wrestling with addictions, but a life in recovery is infinitely better than the darkness of our acting out days.

Welcome to the site KarmaYogi

Just like you I've tried to be moderate with masturbation in the past, trying to limit it to once a week. But I always found excuses and reasons to break the rule and ended back where I started, masturbating every day.

So I came to the same conclusion that complete abstinence was the only solution. After a lot of failed attempts, I finally stayed abstinent for 3 months, and it was considerably easier when I passed the 'reboot' after 5/6 weeks. However, after 3 months I slipped, and masturbated just once... this was over a week ago now and I haven't slipped again since, nor have I had too a hard time abstaining. I'm very aware that if I were to masturbate again sometime soon, it would start to get sooner and sooner, so I'm continuing with the goal of complete abstinence for now.

I don't know what the future holds, but I think that I can handle occasional masturbation if it feels like the right thing to do if I've get too tense and worked up about abstaining. But I'm not going to set a schedule, e.g. once a month, because I'll start to look forward to the 'day' and I'll do it regardless of if I really need to or not...

Good luck with your progress! :)
time_for_change

P.S. ditto here on the sugar and comfort-eating... now I'm free of the porn/masturbation compulsion I'm starting to work on those too.

Good luck

on your journey. I've enabled you to blog in case you prefer to record your experience in that format. (We all chime in on each other's blogs, so it doesn't much matter where you post.)

Yeah, it might be good just to set a goal of six-eight weeks and then, if you feel like it, see how you're doing. Sometimes it's easier on the primitive brain if you don't give it absolutes to "argue" with. However, you know yourself best...and the experts have already spoken (above).

Thanks for your courage in exploring the ideas. It's a shame we don't teach kids from the start that masturbation can escalate and that it's important to find one's own balance, taking that into account. Oh well, maybe humanity is about to learn something useful. Wink