Male/female impacts

Submitted by skeptic on
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I haven't read the book or anything, but is it possible that orgasm avoidance is far more applicable to men? It seems like a lot of what I see on the science has to do with the affects of the male orgasm on the male brain, e.g., the experiments on male monkeys. Does the female orgasm adversely impact the female brain, or is just more satisfying to not set the "goal" or have the "pressure" of the woman climaxing? I have a hard time thinking that an orgasm is going to affect most women's nurturing instinct. It seems like for men, the post-orgasm brain is not very good, and if the couple puts too much pressure on the woman having an orgasm, that can hurt intimacy---or cause the man to do things that will result in him climaxing (e.g. pumping). If a woman mb's in private, would that have any bad impact on the relationship at all? It doesn't seem that a female orgasm is linked to reproduction, what could the adverse affect be, from a chemical standpoint?

For men who have successfully practiced this, how long/frequent have you gone without a climax? Is a woman's experience different? What changes do you notice in your partner?

I hope others will share, too.

Believe me, no one was more skeptical about the effects of orgasm on women than I was! All the esoteric books talk about semen loss as the issue, so it took ages to work out what was really going on. Since then, I read a translation of ancient Chinese sex treatises (, and it confirmed that even thousands of years ago orgasm was observed to be draining for women, too. Later men decided that they could "steal" this lost energy by not orgasming, but making the women orgasm. Guess female orgasm was a turn-on for them, too!

In short, I suggest you *do* read the book if you're really interested in understanding how orgasm can impact women. That said, it doesn't always impact women the same way every time. In fact, I don't even believe that's true in men.

For both sexes, lots of bonding behaviors and lovemaking that doesn't set orgasm as the goal ( in other words, an "if it happens, it happens" attitude) seem to ease the effects in both partners. That said, if women watch themselves carefully over time, they usually do notice the effects...particularly when they are without a partner, or engaged in short-term encounters.

Alas, men love women's orgasms, and are also being primed by mainstream journalists to think that their prowess in the sack is measured in the explosiveness of women's orgasms. There can be too much of a good thing, as you just saw in this recent post: But most women haven't made the connection, because no one has even raised the possibility that orgasm has after effects.

To understand why an explosive orgasm is not "a woman's best friend" you need to read Cupid. Then you'll understand the brain chemistry of intense stimulation and why it can cause ripples of mood swings for up to two both sexes.

It's not that "orgasm is bad," mind you. It's the neurochemical fluctuations afterward that can tamper with moods and perceptions. The paradox is that striving for orgasm raises dopamine (the craving neurochemical that rises "into the red zone" during over-stimulation), so as long as you want orgasm as a goal, you're struggling against yourself. On the other hand, inadvertent orgasm (without striving for it) seems not to send dopamine soaring so high. As a consequence the after effects are milder.

Personally, I still notice the effects of an orgasm (and I no longer ever try for one), even though they are milder than they were when I was single. I might add that my husband notices them IN ME, too! He says I'm more reactive, and swear at the computer a lot more. Smile

Rat love

This thread reminded me that some of the evidence we cite for the existence of the female hangover is that there's a 15-day cycle of hormonal changes in female rats after "vigorous intercourse," even if the female doesn't get pregnant. It's interesting to theorize why that might exist. Perhaps it's automatic prep for possible pregnancy (as the hormone that surges for 15 days is prolactin, closely related to pregnancy among other things). Or maybe it makes the female want "space" :-), making it easier for the male to leave no other females unfertilized.

For those of you who are thinking, "What do rats have to do with us?" I should point out that scientists have found rats to be excellent "guiding flashlights" for understanding the human limbic system (where mating programs lurk in the brain). Biologists believe primates evolved from tree-climbing shrew-like creatures, so we may be more closely related to rats than to many other mammals....

This research also suggests why gentle intercourse may result in decreased neurochemical hangovers for women.

Positive Changes?

For those of us who haven't practiced this long term (I am on Day 15--a new record), most of us have been continually in the "hangover state" most of the time. I would like to hear about *positive changes* in their partner (and at one point) after reducing orgasms.