Submitted by deepredpockets on
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Hello all.

I’ve been reading posts on this site for a few months now, but this is my first post.

First off, I’d like to say how much this site has helped me so far. I’ve always considered stopping masturbating and after reading the posts on this site, I realize that it’s worth it.

Second, and brief introduction: I’m a 19 year old male who has been masturbating almost daily for about 5 years. I am currently single.

I tried abstaining for a while and I couldn’t break out of the weekly cycle. After orgasm, I would feel down and listless for 2-3 days, and by day 4-7, I would start to feel more energetic, more lively, more social, etc. I finally broke out of the weekly cycle. On days 10-18ish, I felt almost no urge to orgasm or masturbate at all and for the most part, I’ve been more social, although I lacked motivation. I just didn’t feel motivated to do anything I needed to do.

Days 18 until now (day 23), I have felt more of the urge, but have resisted it. Also, I have been anxious. I just can’t sit still and I feel like there is something I should be doing, but I still have no motivation to do anything (simple things like cleaning my room, homework, etc.) and it feels like I’m constantly worried about something. Some nights, I don’t sleep much at all. Not because I CAN’T sleep, but because I don’t WANT to sleep. Other nights, I fall asleep fast and I can’t wake up in the morning.

I feel that I could go crazy (and maybe I already am), but I don’t want to give up.

I wanted to see if anyone has experienced the things I’ve been going through and, if anyone’s made it past this mark, what it feels like. Also, I had a few questions to ask:

I’ve gone 23 days without a wet dream. Then again, I’ve never had one because I’ve been masturbating for years. Is it normal to not have wet dreams?

I understand that for a full “reset of the brain” it takes 6-8 weeks. Will I be able to tell when my brain has reset itself? How will I be able to tell?

A few times, I’ve started masturbating, almost to the point of no return, but then I stop myself, without orgasm/ejaculation. Will this cause the dopamine roller coaster to start back over again?

Thanks a bunch, everyone. This site has helped me so much.

Anxiety

Yes, I have had all of those feelings

"I just can’t sit still and I feel like there is something I should be doing, but I still have no motivation to do anything (simple things like cleaning my room, homework, etc.) and it feels like I’m constantly worried about something. Some nights, I don’t sleep much at all. Not because I CAN’T sleep, but because I don’t WANT to sleep. Other nights, I fall asleep fast and I can’t wake up in the morning."

I can really identify with this. I didnt realize this until recently, but learning to be in your own head and managing the simple things in life is a major life skill. Its hard for some of us to just be with ourselves and comfortable. I know this feeling pretty well. It goes hand in hand with the insomnia. Brain turning and craving constant stimulation, but the rest of us is tired. Its a kind of whacky laziness. Im very glad you brought this up. I was up late last night thinking about things, and even though I was tired, I could not go to sleep because my mind was active. My mind was active because it was in fantasy, and not necessarily sexual, but other kinds of fantasy. I realized that Ive been using fantasy as an escape for many years and getting a hit off of it. You see, our minds have all kinds of ways of resisting the feelings coming up from ridding compulsions and obsessions, Im starting to think that the mind uses fantasy too as another escape. I dont think you are going crazy, I think you are handling this. 23 days is still very early and you'll have some ups and downs for a little while. Dont worry about screwing up, just keep trying your best. Its a process that can take several attempts and even if you do it right, you'll be happily practicing it for a long time (apparently it gets way better!).

Another good idea that is encouraged here is transformation rather than repression. Pair bonding and karezza is a good method of doing this, but if you lack a partner, you can still find other outlets that increase the oxytocin. A lot of recovery seems like deprivation and more deprivation, and to an extent it is. There will be times when you are feeling crazy and "whiteknuckling" it. Its best to learn to live and replace these vacuums with something. A lot of porn addicts have a problem with intimacy, they are replacing porn with getting real intimacy (not necessarily sexual either). We have to turn our entire perspective and approach to life in a healthy way. Its not enough to just cut out the action, it has to go deeper. Eventually, through developing real social skills and having a good relationship with yourself and life, you'll attract a healthy partner that can meet your intimacy needs.

I will start with the wet

I will start with the wet dream part. I have only had 2 that I know of and only one during all the time I have been dealing with this addiction.
I think the masturbation has something to do with it. The one I had about 3 weeks ago happened around day 45 of not having an orgasm. I have woke with similar feelings but I do not think they were dream orgasms. I can feel the change in my mind. That dull feeling after orgasm. Well I woke 3 weeks ago and knew I had an orgasm. Tonight I did not wake with that feeling. (my blog has my experience from this morning)

I guess what I am saying is that I think it can be just as normal not to have them as it is to have them. Everyone is different. The big thing is not to worry or stress over them either way. I know I was worried about having one as my days went by without orgasm. I think I was worried about it too much. I was scared it would cause me to do a full relapse. Go back to porn and everything. Well I did binge after the Dream O but I was able to stay away from porn. I was also able to keep my "binge" to 3 ejaculations in 5 days which for me was very good. I was having 3 a day most days before I started this process of quitting. So I no longer fear a dream O. I know I can have one and not lose complete control. So from everything I have read and heard and other places and talked about to other people they can and will happen form time to time. So try not to worry or focus on it in anyway.

On telling about how you feel when you get close to "reset". Well I went 45 days without I did not realize how clear I was till I had an orgasm again. Then I knew how clear I had been the day before. I could also feel the shift in myself. How my mood changed. How I dealt with anger. I deal much better with anger when I am not having multiple orgasms a day. That is one thing I found out while going without orgasm. I did not get hit by rage so much anymore then almost not at all. I felt so calm and better the further I got away from orgasm. Well after having one again that anger/rage came back. That is only one thing that changed. I know others changed and I have felt a lot different. I am almost at 2 weeks without orgasm again and I can feel some change. So the only way to really tell how different you feel is to have an orgasm after an extended period of not having one. Say after 6 to 8 weeks without. I am not suggesting having one after that time to test. I am just saying that If you go that long and then have one you will better understand the changes and the way you feel.

Also I do not think masturbation resets everything. If you manage to stop before orgasm/ejaculation. I do not recommend trying this though. Till you do get your brain reset it is very difficult to stop once you get started. I have been very close to losing it when giving in to masturbation. during my longest time with out orgasm I did masturbate a couple times. I did not feel that it set me back or anything. It is just I was very close to losing control. It seems to break the addiction you need to stay away from all three things plus anything that might trigger the 3. Masturbation, Porn, Orgasm. You will learn what your triggers are and you will need to find some way to deal with those. Like distraction or finding a way to avoid them if possible.

You are doing very good so far. You are way ahead of me I am 37 now and was 36 before I figured out I needed to do something about this addiction.
Give yourself a lot of credit for going 23+ days. That is a major accomplishment. If you do relapse try not to be that down on yourself. Relpses are probably going to happen you just need to learn from them as they do.

Good Luck
Be Safe
James

Welcome

I've enabled you to blog, in case you want to start your own thread.

Have you tried any of the recommended activities for dealing with those crazy feelings? Exercise? Socializing? How's your diet? What has worked best for you so far?

Thanks everyone for replying!

Marina: Usually, when I have those crazy feelings, I tend to exercise some (either running or weight lifting) and that helps. Over the past few months, I've been trying to eat better too. I'm eating enough good food, and not much of the junk food (although sometimes I feel like I want to eat junk food like crazy). I also seem to have a strong appetite for socializing lately. I just want to be around people and talk to people because I don't feel well. When I do, sometimes it goes well, other times I can't find anything to do or talk about. It seems though that lately, more than ever, I just want to be around people.

I'm on day 29 now. A strange thing that I've noticed is that around day 25, I felt like I had started over again, but I know I haven't. No wet dreams, or orgasm, no masturbation. I just felt tired and out of it. I still feel like that some now. Maybe others have experienced this?

No doubt others

will have more to say, but your experience sounds pretty typical to me. Actually, it sounds like you're doing well. The socializing is tough, but seems to be as helpful as the exercise for many men.

Just curious, was there any kind of "missed opportunity" before the ratty day? I mean was there an opportunity for a closer connection that you passed up during the day? Sometimes that can be a trigger for mood swings.

Congratulations on your progress.