A miracle has recently occurred in my marriage. After clearly explaining in a number of ways so she finally Got It, that I wanted a divorce because of lack of physical affection and because of the horrible communication between us, my wife offered to sleep with me again on weekends, and actually ended up sleeping with me almost every night for the last 10 days. The first night I simply put a hand on her side, and tried stroking her back. She said my touch was uncomfortable. So I kept my hands to myself and slept on my side of the bed. A few days later, she put a hand on me, then started snuggling up with me, then asked why I was sleeping way over there on the other side of the bed (essentially inviting me to snuggle up with her), then inviting me to have sex (and she readily agreed to karezza and we did it one time - that was the first time we have had sex in the last seven years!), then inviting me again... She has been pretty nice to me recently, and my resentments are melting away. Hers too, I'm guessing.
That's the Cliffs Notes, I may write more about it sometime. But I just wanted to offer some encouragement and inspiration to others who are struggling with lack of intimacy in their relationships. I think what worked for me, and might work for others is: getting my wife to sleep with me all night, every night, and making her feel comfortable and safe with me by not being pushy or grabby. Avoiding conventional sex (with orgasm) may be helping to prevent the separation effect.
My girlfriend, who I wrote about in my previous blog entry, knows about this and has been very supportive of "whatever you want to do." What an angel! So now I have a difficult decision to make. Fortunately, there is no need to rush the decision.
Good luck to us all.