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I was watching PBS, "This Emotional Life". Dr. Seth Pollack found that neglected kids don't make oxytocin when they are hugged...damn! I'm gonna hug 'em anyway


Yeah, that

"reactive attachment disorder" thing can be really tough. However, it looks like several weeks of daily bonding behaviors can help reset the nervous system. At least there's evidence of that.

Thanks for the link.

I finally got it

karezza, that is. 15 months here with y'all. Started out, I wanted to fix my wife. Now I just want to find those fine parts of myself, nourish them and make them bigger. I wanted to know the technique of karezza. After laying with my Isadora I'd come back here just about screaming "What do I do?" I've gone from expecting sex/orgasm 3X/week (we are an older and long married couple) and being really upset if it didn't happen. I shifted my focus from what I need and don't have, to gratefulness for what is right here in my arms. The love and support here has been central to this shift. Feeling grateful is certainly better than feeling entitled. Over 4 months without an orgasm and we are no longer on the wild dopamine roller coaster, more like a road trip in our Prius (well the pedal does stick sometimes). I am no longer panicked if we are not close. Fueled by the idea that Bonding Behaviors were essential to good health, there was still a current of a need for Her to change. So after 15 months of trying to figure this out and make it work I got it. Saturday, laying in bed, me cuddling and caressing her and it was all good, no expectation or desire to direct or control the situation, to make something happen....just being in the Love Zone. I don't have to do anything (except keep out of my own way) to make it happen again. It may never happen again. I can't quite say that's ok or that I trust that it will.....but I'll deal with it in a compassionate way.
Thank you and blessings

Keep us posted

It's true that there are two ways to go about satisfaction. One is to try to keep up with the dopamine merry-go-round...which can even accelerate. The other is to find contentment/bliss in what's possible now. It'll be interesting to see if shifting gears also shifts Izzy's gears over time.

Thanks for the update. I am

Thanks for the update. I am very interested in couples' experiences. Right now, after 6 weeks without orgasm, I am not always sure what to do with my tension when I start feel passion. I need to work on calming down still.


On a good day I feel the passion, get hard, rejoice for the good feeling, flirt with my wife.....and expect NOTHING. As with all such ephemeral phenomenon it passes and I let it go.
I'm having more and more good days. I am 58 years old and I know I don't have the testosterone of my youth.
On a bad day (when was that?) the world is going to end because she doesn't love me


We've been a little ill this week and not connecting much.
I remember going in for a hug....the thrill of that first contact of breast to chest and then the soft yielding as I drew her in. I'd get so high from touching her.
[quote]Baby, you are my favorite drug. Ya wanna get sex stoned with me?
Go pack a bowl and leave me alone[/quote]
I think things are different now....well a little different. Our last time together was really about love, and tho I got hard, there wasn't the rush. Without the rush there wasn't the need for more....only contentment.
Gawd we are complicated
I embrace it all