Some info about me: I'm 26 years old. When I was in junior high school, a time before high speed internet was ubiquitous, I did really well in school. I was obsessed with getting high grades. I had a pretty good attention span, and I'd read a book for hours. I also masturbated weekly starting in 6th grade, and I wish I had tracked just how often I had done so bc maybe it would've helped me to realize sooner that it might've been causing problems.
Sometime during high school, my family got a computer for the house and I spent a lot more time looking at porn and masturbating. I think it became a daily habit in high school. At some point, I realized that my attention span got shorter and shorter (I didn't even connect it with my daily masturbating); I couldn't even concentrate on reading, and I LOVED to read. I got pretty frustrated. Part of it definitely had to do with the internet because there were times that I'd try to stay away from the Internet, and I'd regain my attention span. I'd also try to go to the gym more often, running on the treadmill. Maybe it was a lack of neurotransmitters? It helped somewhat, but actually, I think it made it worse. Running too often made me feel depressed and apathetic. My grades started to dip at that point, especially in classes that involved HEAVY reading, like history.
I think the combination of masturbating to orgasm + running often at the gym really screwed with my moods. No better word than apathy can describe how I was feeling at the time. I hadn't even discovered coffee, yet. So I kept experimenting. Maybe I was deficient in a vitamin or mineral. Maybe it was herbs. Maybe I needed to run more. Fish oils. Cut out dairy. Nothing really helped. I graduated high school with decent grades, I pretty much got by, but I REALLY felt like something had changed in me mentally in terms of my ability to study and read for longer periods - I couldn't do it! I wanted to study, yet my brain wasn't working with me. I get to college, and the same patterns persisted. The running at the gym, the porn and orgasms. I felt dumb in a lot of my classes. I started feeling pretty dumb and I got C's in a few classes (the core classes). It was awful.
Coffee/caffeine helped a lot, but when it wore off, I still felt 'shitty.' I think I stumbled upon an article that talked about sexual abstinence and moods, and I scoffed at the thought of it. HAAA! Abstinence. I also experimented with staying off the Internet, which, again, helped immensely, but in today's society, who can truly avoid it? One day, a friend of mine gave me adderall, which definitely did increase my attention span, but it was temporary. On adderall, I felt way too wired, and I also felt that it was something that could develop into a dependency, and I'd already seen Requiem for a Dream so Adderall was out of the picture. I wanted a more natural solution, one that didn't involve drugs.
Then, I started seeing more articles online, especially here about people avoiding orgasms altogether because it was making them feel depressed and moody. I saw a NY Times article about a doctor who was finding a lot of his patients were suffering from 'post coital blues' and he prescribed them antidepressants. What a shame to have to resort to a chemical solution! So I knew, then, that I wasn't alone in this depressed, unmotivated feeling after ejaculating, orgasm, sex. I also saw a forum in which people were experiencing depression and moodiness after vigorous exercise, so I decided to cut out the running and VOILA! my moods stabilized. However, I still didn't feel 'balanced.' What really turned things around for me was reading Napoleon Hill's ideas about sex transmutation. Couple that with the many stories on this site about cutting back on orgasm for days, weeks and months at a time and this concept of an orgasmic hangover, and I was inspired and ready to take this no orgasm journey pretty seriously.
I did it for two weeks at a time at first, and I was pretty horny by the end of the first week. I felt like there were these spasms in my perineal area reminding me to 'discharge.' One time, I sweating bullets in class because I was extremely horny! The perineal spasms were happening lol. I masturbated, but NOT to orgasm and NOT to ejaculation. During this time, my motivation increased to incredible levels, especially by the second week. I was pretty horny, but also pretty motivated. I've been working on a second degree since starting this 'no ejaculation' journey and I've been more motivated and been getting higher grades than I've EVER had in years! I haven't felt this great in years. I feel confident in everything I do. It's sort of making me feel arrogant as well. Nothing wrong with that, though. As long as I'm not delusional!
I also experimented with going to the gym and running again. I don't feel as depressed after running! The depressed feeling lasts maybe a half hour, but not for days like it did before. In fact, I'm going to the gym way more often, more motivated to be consistent with the workouts. I can't even describe the many things that edging, not ejaculating & not orgasming has done for me. I still watch porn, though, while I edge. Maybe I'll quit it sometime in the future, but for now, I'm doing pretty well. 41 days and counting. I hope I don't make that mistake of stimulating too much and orgasming since it's happened before and I've had to start all over. I wish I'd known about this sooner, but I don't think I would've been ready to do it.
Turning 25, you can feel that change in your brain (so subtle you might not realize it), that feeling of being less reliant on the amygdala (emotional decision making) and more on the frontal lobes. I definitely felt that way. I feel like I wasted a lot of time all those years, being in constant orgasmic hangover mode. The fact that our society promulgates conventional orgasms and sex as being healthy, well maybe the opposite is just as true for some people! Maybe if people experimented with avoiding orgasms and ejaculating, they'd experience homeostatic bliss? I'm really glad this forum exists. I'm definitely identifying with people's experiences on here, and am motivated more than ever to continue.