The morning after...

Submitted by skeptic on
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About a week ago, I was feeling kind of moody. I had been working hard, and shifting a lot of habits (eating, sleeping, exercise, for e.g.) at once is not easy. My wife and I were bickering a little, and she asked me if I wanted to have an "O". "Would it make you feel better?" she asked. I had to be honest, and let her know that I expected that it would provide some relief, but it would be short lived. I didn't want cave into temptation just because I was feeling moody. It didn't seem right, and I didn't think I would like the outcome.

Well, we lasted another 7 days, and we ended up going about 52 days without me experiencing the Big O. This was much longer than I ever would have anticipated. My previous record was about 14 days. The experiment was much more successful than I ever would have expected. When we finally did fool around to the point of orgasm, it was because we were both relaxed and feeling better. My wife (who is with child and not feeling well generally) had her sex drive perk up, and we concurred that it felt like the "right time".

Maybe this is why I am not feeling too much remorse today. Things feel like they went full circle---my sex drive went up, my wife and I felt closer, and I didn't use having an MB as a coping mechanism. I thought I would give into temptation at a point when I felt stressed out or alienated from my wife. Instead, we experienced it together and as a result of feeling close.

From the start, one of the biggest motivations for me at the start was to reboot my sex drive. I had just finished a prolonged period of stress. Over periods of intense stress, I would MB try to to help "reboot" my brain out of feeling anxious and stressed out and to help me sleep. The problem is that the anxiety relief was short lived, and it got to be way too much of a habit. I relied on it too much rather than better habits like exerise and eating healthy. Also, it alienated my wife at times. We weren't communicating very well, and she sometimes took it as passive aggressive hints that she should do more for me, which was not what I intended.

The ironic thing is that the more I MB'd due to stress, the lower my sex drive and satisfaction. I wasn't MBing because I felt sexual urges. I was doing it to escape from the stresses of my life.

The first few days were not very difficult because I was busy with work. I think free time makes the struggle more difficult. During week two, we went on vacation with our kids, so I didn't think about it too much. My wife and I spent a lot of quality time together, including prolonged periods of snuggling. I felt a little hypersexual (my drive is much higher than hers as she is "with child"), but decided that I like this better than the "dead" feeling I had when I MB'd too much. We aren't all wired the same, and I think that some people feel very frustrated when horny. I don't fall into this boat. I like the chase and the tension and find it a little sexy, if I can dodge the urge to relieve tension.

On vacation, I found this website, and I was developing better habits at the same time. A lot of ideas on this website appeal to me, because it gave some exercises for building relationships without intercourse. As I expected to go a long time without intercourse, the idea of working on my relationship and actually becoming closer to my wife really appealed to me. Also, I funneled a lot of my hyperenergy into exercising. I think I have lost about 10 LBS since early February. So, then it became an exercise in self discipline and relationship building, neither of which I really expected. I gained some insight to the fact that I have viewed sex as validation for our relationship.

Over the last few weeks, feelings of hypersexuality mitigated quite a bit, and my wife and I grew closer. This doesn't mean that everything has been perfect all of the time---it can be tough expecting a child and adding to the family. We all have other stresses going on, including work, family, etc. However, when we have gotten into arguments, things have resolved much easier, and we have felt closer. Rather than pushing down frustrations, we have talked more, even when it has been uncomfortable.

Over the last seven weeks, the biggest benefits have included: more confidence---I don't have to be a slave to my impulses; better habits---I couldn't rely on MB, so I exercised and ate better; better communication with my wife; more trust from wife---she was skeptical at the start that I would have the energy to help things improve---she has definately seen the results; a more physical relationship---we stopped taking affection as a cue for sex, and thus we became more affectionate---kinda ironic, huh?; more productivity---wasted less time on impulsive stuff like the Internet; and overall relationship improvement---maybe we don't view sex as the "glue" holding us together, which may lead to a better sex life in the future.

Ultimately, my first super-prolonge period of going orgasm free ended because we were feeling close. To me, this was a huge success. I didn't end it to escape stress, anxiety and tension. I would have felt very alone if I orgasmed alone to escape stress.

I don't no how long the next period will go. Our vacation was a catalyst the first time. This week, we are expecting a child, so I may not have the time or energy to be tempted too much. Whenever the next time will be, I hope it will be because my wife and I are feeling closer, rather than me seeking a coping mechanism. I am also interested how the rebound will feel, but right now I feel pretty good. This has been a good experience.


So glad you found

the time to let us know what benefits you experienced and how you wove orgasm back in. Many thanks.

It's amazing how such subtle shifts have such a powerful effect within relationships. It still seems like magic. Smile