My experiment

Submitted by Seeker on
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To start. I had to do something this morning. I figured today would be a good day for some type of experiment. If I did not try to disperse/use/or whatever my sexual tension/energy I was going to masturbate. It was just that strong of a feeling this morning. I had nothing to lose if the experiment went "wrong". I suppose though that experiment really can not go wrong.

My feelings woke me up an hour early so I had time to read through the solo practices. I got an idea of what I wanted to try from each. One thing about my feelings over the last few days was that I wanted to just hold myself. I thought this was just my addicted mind trying to get its way. Now I am not too sure. That thought has been coming to me a lot. Who knows it could just be my addicted mind I still used it in the experiment though.

I combined a few things and just put my thoughts to it. I was just going with what I felt was right after reading through all of the solo stuff. I did not have a complete plan other than to start with 6th Rite. Here is what I tried this morning and the results.

Some minor explicit content
I started off nude(I know but well if things got out of control did not want to worry :) )
I started with the 6th Tibetan Rite. I did this 5 times. I know it says once is usually enough well I either am not good enough at it or just need more practice or my sexual "energy" was way too high. The best I was able to go was a count of 5 not sure if that was it or not. I do know that at the end the breathe comes back in with much force. That tensing and hold the abs in and the chest up when you do take a breathe it comes in fast. Well this relaxed me a bit.

Well the next thing I did cause I was still feeling it a good bit was to sit crossed leg on the floor. My mind really like the idea of Own-body sexual yoga. The thought of stimulating myself was very strong :). We will say I met that desire half way. This is where holding myself comes in. I knew this would be the dangerous part. This is where I could slip and just masturbate my brains out as it were. I think having done the 6th rite helped here. Also I had been getting these thoughts that I should try holding myself without masturbating. Again I had nothing to lose cause I was in a bad state after waking. So. I was sitting crossed leg and hold myself no other stimulation no moving or anything. I had my eyes closed so makes it easier to visualize. I did my interpretation of Breathing in. I would breathe in through the nose.
I would visualize my breathe starting at my head and moving down to my genitals. I did not start with visualizing from the top of my head till part way through. I think I will do it that way next time form the start. I would breathe in deeply all the way down till I focused on my genitals and hold the "breathe" there. Then I would exhale through the mouth while visualizing the "breathe" going up my spine to my head then out. I did this circle breathing while holding myself for a good amount of time. I am not sure how long. I know it was over 5 minutes but I lost track of time really. it could have been over 10 not sure. I did not check the time before starting. I know that part of the way through it started to "feel" very good. The pleasure built and I kept breathing. Interesting thing is that I started to get soft during this. I had started out fully erect and needing to release. After I was part of the way through this breathing exercise I kind of forgot about masturbating. Really I did. I did not think about this part of it till after the whole process and looking back. The need and desire to masturbate just kind of went away. The end of this part was like this. I realized I was almost completely soft. I opened my eyes and stopped visualizing the breathe flowing in a circle through my body. I realized my hand was covered with pre-cum. I did not let this bother me. I felt really good. My body did seemed charged. I was full of I guess the only way to say it is energy. I was not in need of masturbating though. I then went to the next step.

While still sitting crossed leg on the floor. I then just let my body relax. I dropped my chin to my chest and closed my eyes. I let every muscle I could just relax. I just let my mind relax. I again kind of lost time. I assume I was like this for at least 5 minutes. Again It felt blissful. I am not sure what brought me out of it. I could have sat there for hours I think. I guess I was there long enough though.
Just setting there relaxed after all of that was about the best part. The sexual tension was gone and I felt good.

Well there is my experiment. It all seemed to work for me. I think I will try this each morning for awhile and see what the results are.
I will just wake 30 minutes early and start this practice. Maybe I will add some light masturbation but if I do not feel I need to I will not. It would be at least a few weeks before I would try that though. I want this to be successful for me.

I will say that not all the sexual "energy" is gone. It feels more like "controlled". I do not have that pounding desire to masturbate right now. Thoughts on that. It could be just the dopamine surge I had during all of this. I am sure there is a huge dopamine surge. I felt good really good while doing this. The big thing is that I felt that surge at the end during relaxing(there was surge during the holding too :) ) and no longer holding myself. It felt good to just relax. So maybe in the end this will still be very good. You get a dopamine surge but you build a pathway that is sexual but not orgasm as the goal. It is relax as the goal. You get to train your dopamine surge to get really sexually charged and then enjoy relaxing in that feeling. I hope it works this way.

So I was dragged kicking and screaming as usual into something new. Like I said sometimes I need a clueby4 upside the head to get my attention. I am not sure this will work as I described and want it too. I will however give a chance. I have to do something cause other wise I will just stay stuck in a masturbation addiction cycle.

Wishing everyone well
Be Safe
James

Comments

happy to here the results of your experiment!!

i think thats great that you decided to do this experiement and that it left you so much more at peace and less sexually charged. Knowing the benifits first hand of meditating in the mornings- though i havenet been doing it lately, and its partially the reason im so off; once you fall off the wagon it can be really hard to get back on - it really excites me that you stumbled onto this practice and i think-acually i know- that great things will come out of it if you keep it up. Just hearing you talk about the peace you felt makes me crave the sense of stillness and peace i became acustomed to feeling at one point. you should continue giving us updates on how this practice is coming along for you. Congradulations on your new found discovery!!

Thanks, Seeker

for your detailed report. If the practice continues to get results you like, I hope you'll write it up in great detail. We'll add it to the solo practices wiki. That way, folks like you and Cole will be able to try it more easily.

Your "clueby4" may end up being a blessing for lots of people.

You have to admit that it can be kind of hard to put some of those sensations into words. And depending upon someone's state of mind they just may not be able to experience exactly the same things on a given day.

Well some good and bad. I

Well some good and bad. I tried my technique again when I got home today. first I will backup and tell what how I felt during the day. I made it through my experiment this morning. I felt good and was full of energy. I did figure there would be a crash after a huge dopamine spike. It did come after a few hours. probably around 4 hours later. Even so all through the day I felt good. I smiled and laughed a lot today. I was in a much better mood. The ups and downs of cravings today was kind of strange. At one moment it would be a craving of 10 and then the next almost nothing. Well I was right and there was a crash. I thought about what might be possible to help reduce the crash.

I thought about the solo things that can be done to raise Oxytocin. I thought maybe it could help with the dopamine spike if used just after the relax part of what I was doing. I decided today to try my technique again and add 15 minutes of jogging/running just after the relax stage.

I did my 5 sets of rites. I then sat crossed leg and did my breathing and thinking of the breathe coming in and then thinking and focusing on my genitals. I then focuses on my back as the breathe went out and then all the way up to the back of my head and then focused on the last of the breathe going out. I did this a few minutes. All I can say is that the feeling I started getting up my spine was amazing. I am not going to try and describe it or call it anything. I just know that on each breathe out I was starting to just feel amazing.

I finally calmed and went into my relax stage. Bad thing. I was interrupted. So I did not relax as long. Also I did not get to start my job right after. Well when I was alone again it hit me. I had just spikes of cravings and reaction. I lay down and had to just endure the cravings and feelings till I could regain control. It did feel really good though. I did well because I did not masturbate. I am not sure how I avoided but I did. I was able to calm myself enough to get on the treadmill like planned. I did my 15 intense minutes. It calmed me further.

That was 3+ hours ago. I was hit at about 3 hours with intense cravings again. Bad again. I just could not stop myself from masturbating. I did not go to orgasm but I have done some masturbating which is bad. The cravings are still up. I am weakened now by giving in to masturbation. It is strange to see and feel yourself give in to the cravings. I know better I know I can do things. I do not think there is a way to describe giving in. Being weaker now tonight I am not sure what will happen.

I will not feel bad about it either way. I believe there is something to what I am trying. I feel the reaction in my body. I am just not able to control or focus it enough. I think it will be possible. MY goal is to feel these sexual feelings and not need to get to orgasm. I know this is going to be near impossible solo. I still think it worth a shot.

I knew going in that there was a good chance of relapse. I did not going in expecting it. I went in expecting to get the results I wanted. so I did not have mindset to sabotage my experiment. I have still not had an orgasm today so we will see how it goes. I will try to keep from going that far. Going to be a struggle but I think this whole process is worth it.

Be Safe
James

Thanks for the report

You're a brave man. It's all really interesting, and if you find a way to balance the energy it'll be really cool.

You guys are really having to reinvent the wheel here, you know. Humanity has largely forgotten this stuff, and most of those who still know how to do it aren't having to struggle with years of severe imbalances innocently acquired due to today's tidal wave of super-stimulating sexual videos, etc. It sounds like a way to feel pleasure, even without orgasm...which is much better than gritting your teeth all the time. So I hope you can figure out the fine points.

Whatever happens, it's great that you've given this an honest try.

One thought. Maybe be minimalist about it while you build-up balance...or whatever. Smile

I set off a masturbation

I set off a masturbation binge. I have not had orgasm so that is good. I will be leaving for work soon so that will help break this cycle. I have not used any practice this morning. I think it best for me to go without masturbation for the rest of the day. I have also decided to finally take that extra day off on the strength exercises. I have not missed a day in months now. I have been doing those every other day. Tuesday I just could not do as much as I have been. I felt weaker. I think it is just my body was drained. I mean I went from someone who had never done and strength exercise to doing it every other day. I had no muscle tone at all. I was a addicted gamer, worked on comps and then the masturbation and porn addiction. I spent much time just sitting and doing nothing. So not surprising that my body would need an extra day. I probably needed it before now. I will do some treadmill work this evening though.

So I have survived a masturbation binge without giving in to orgasm. My main goal with this experiment was to feel sexual pleasure solo and not have orgasm. I did not want to masturbate either but I will take the no orgasm. That is the big key in this to me. I know what orgasm does to me. I just need to get the masturbation checked today.

So my goal is still intact or reachable. Feeling pleasure and not giving in to orgasm and then being able to use those feelings.

I will try my solo practice when I get home. I will modify it to no touching now. I think that was a bad move. Not going to bash myself for that. It did feel good :). I just see it can turn into more more more mindset fast.

So for today.
I will drop the strength workout. Part of the reason is to cut back on the testosterone that can set off. That could probably make stopping this masturbation binge harder. Also I just need to regain my energy in that area so that I can go further.
I will get the masturbation stopped.
I will do my solo practice when I get home. I will modify it some. I am also going to rewrite as needed and I find things that work or do not for me.
I will not feel bad about how things are going. This is an experiment and I went in knowing what could happen. I accepted that before starting.

Some more really good stuff with this. No desire for porn during any of this. I have not even thought or considered it. I am still a little surprised about that. I know I should not be by now. It was just such a big part of my life for so long. I am glad I have managed to get the thoughts of it out of my head. I barely have to use the Red X to push images aside. During this whole masturbation binge I think there was one image that popped in my head. It was not even porn really. I saw an image of a female in a yoga position. yes with clothes on :). I still Xed it out though.That is the other part. I have taken fantasy out of my masturbation time as well. I have not had a sexual fantasy in a long time. Well I do have to X some of those out cause they start but I have not had to do it during masturbation. That is a very big thing for me. I used fantasy even while watching porn and masturbating.

I know rambling now just trying to get all my thoughts down today.

Even with this minor slip on masturbation I am still please with the way things are going. I will say again I really think I can find something that works.

One reason I think this will work is what I am starting to feel while doing the breathing part. When I focus on the breath and then while breathing in I move my focus down and hold it there while I hold the breath. I then start that breath out and move focus to my back and then as I get to the end of the breathe move my focus to the back of my head then at the last to focus on the breathe leaving I feel something amazing after a couple minutes of this. It is hard to explain but I start to feel pleasure. It is a very amazing feeling. This is why I want to continue working with this. I want to see where it leads.

Well that is all the time I have for rambling for now.

Be Safe
James

Sounds good, James. I hit

Sounds good, James.

I hit a plateau in my workouts last week. Its normal. If you keep it up youll push through it. Im having a similar feeling too with some of the workouts on muscles Ive never touched, its a weird thing and its hard to push through.

hang in there, you sound good overall. Remember that having porn out of your life is a very big deal. Thats a monumental thing you've accomplished, thats like crack.

close to 4 hours since last

close to 4 hours since last Masturbating. I have felt good again today. I feel the sexual energy. I do not think it a bad feeling right it actually feels good. I did my affirmations last night before sleep and after waking up in the night and msturbating again. well may some of my shame and fear of feeling sexual is slipping away. just my thought right now. maybe if i can get past the fear and shame i feel i can feel this sexual enrgy and not act out or on thoughs feels till "I" want too. still working these thoughts over in my head

good to here that your feeling better!!

Wow it seems to me that this morning breathing/meditation practice really has had a great effect on you. your sounding so much more posotive and upbeat since you started this experiement. im looking foward to hereing the latest develpment on it. All the best.
Diamond

thank you

i really think the breathing is getting results. i feel something and it is effecting me in a good way. i need to get control of the M'ing though. i think i feel better cause i am releasing some of that repressed sexual energy. also ther are a couple special people that know what i am gvoing thbrough and they are helping me a great deal too.

Well I lost control. ending

Well I lost control. ending up going to orgasm. I resisted probably longer than I have before though. That is going longer without orgasm after masturbation first started.

This was my 2nd day 12 relapse in a row.
12 days is very good if you think about it. 8 months ago I would have thought going 12 days twice just a dream and near impossible. I would like to go further though. Much further actually will not worry about that right now though it is day by day for awhile. I think I will do my best not to think about the amount of time.

I will continue my breathing and then relaxing. I really feel something happening with it. I will not count this as failure just as another learning experience as usual. It took me over 25 years to develop this addiction so it is going to take time maybe more than I would like. I have come a long way though. I think being solo a little more difficult. Not going to make that an excuse though.

I am still going to continue my night affirmations. I need to get so meditation into this as well.

other thoughts. I still get fallout or hangover or what ever you want to call it from orgasm. Like the anger and rage stuff I got into on day 8 this time around.

Hope everyone else is doing well
Be Safe
James

What is holding me back or

What is holding me back or causing me pain?
EXTREME BEHAVIOR

Is there something I need to be alert to in my situation?
INDULGING IN INSECURITIES

What insight will help me at this time?
BECOME AN EXAMPLE

mmm good job stating the obvious mr oracle :). Again thank you for that I know that one really. Now I like that last one. Maybe there is something to my technique or maybe it is just my attitude about the relapse. That is the one thing that I hope comes from all my writings and struggles. That what I share will help others. If I can do that then the rest will be ok.

Be Safe
James

i have faith in u

U had a litle fall...but its ok. ,now ur gonna get back up, dust ur shoulder off n keep moving foward. I really think your handeling your growth with an amazing attutude and such incredible insight: its so true that change takes time; like u said, it took 25 years for you get into the condition u came to this website in so u have to have patience with yourself-allthough i really think u'll find recovery much sooner than 25 years form now. and i really hope u keep up with the meditation- based on what you say it sounds like its going to be a very important element in your recovery. I know its def a biggie for me.

12 days

really IS friggin' brilliant. But quite apart from your progress on that front, your experiment is ever so exciting. I feel like I'm watching the Discovery Channel. Smile

Cool insights

I like the way you're approaching this. More like observing, taking notes, learning how to attack. :D

I'm sort of in the same position at the moment. Take heart.

I woke this morning with

I woke this morning with some cravings. I suppose that was to be expected :). Well as soon as I could I did my breathing exercises and relaxing. I think I added a pause on the intake where I focus on the genitals and hold the breath then breath and focus on my back/spine then up and let the last of the breath out. I am going to have to make more time for this part. I did it a few minutes and could feel the results. I then did the relax. I was like that a few minutes. Again I need to make more time for all the steps. It was still very effective. My cravings dropped way way down. I could tell It was having an effect cause Pre-cum was there again but I did not even come close to being triggered by it to do anything.

More success this morning :). I am going to try this every morning for awhile and see the results. At least 14 days to see If it makes it easier. I know I relapsed with starting this. I am not sure it was the exercise that was the cause of relapse really. My addicted mind just likes excuses :). I really believe I can control cravings with this. After this morning I am very positive about that.

I will be adding the guided mindfulness meditation to this. I will be starting that soon. I am not going to do it right after each morning. The relax part is a type of meditation or is meditation. I just want to add a morning meditation out side the exercise.

OK that is the report this morning

Be Safe
James

What is holding me back or

What is holding me back or causing me pain?
JEALOUSY

Is there something I need to be alert to in my situation?
FAILURE TO CONNECT WITH OTHERS

What insight will help me at this time?
RECOGNIZE SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP YOU DESPITE YOUR MISTRUST

interesting. I get number 2. not sure about 1 and 3 though. maybe it will come to me at some point today.