10 Weeks Gone

Submitted by WolfInSheepsClothing on
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Hi, typing this is much more difficult than I imagined!

I have been reading this site for a couple of months now learning about dopamine and the brains reward circuitry to try and distract myself more than anything from the fact that I have had an extremely large but quietly kept issue with porn for at least 12 years.

But thanks to alot of the information on this site I have managed to go over 10 weeks now without too much of a craving for anything, including masturbation.

However I have also been reading a fair amount of psychology and spirituality stuff as well and by realising that alot of the root causes of my problems have been largely pushed in to my unconscious, has meant that by confronting emotional issues from childhood has helped relieve me of my need for a coping strategy. These weren't any particularly big issues, nothing much unusual, and I still have alot of work to do with them if I want to, but it has helped towards my bigger picture and distracted me for a couple of months whilst my brain starts to rewire itself, hopefully.

For the last 2 weeks I have been doing a fair amouint of meditation also - I feel like my normal daily dopamine levels are starting to rise above a level that I'm just not used to dealing with - and by meditating in the morning, in the evening after work, and before bed, I'm trying to keep my awareness on my situation... and not let myself get carried away by the first woman that I actually manage to genuinely smile back at!

I just thought that I should post something as I see alot of other people struggling and by starting to provide some of my own feedback maybe that could help others. Not sure how much any of this makes sense!

Welcome. Thanks for posting.

Welcome. Thanks for posting. Please do share. It really does help. It will help you and it will help others.

sounds like you are doing well. I think your feedback will be helpful for many of us.

Be Safe
James

Yes,

thanks for your courage. Your experience is very valuable. I'd love to hear more...especially about those smiles. Wink Blog if you like.

Thanks

Thanks for the welcoming. I feel that Marnia and Gary are sending out an important message that everyone could do with learning abit about. The orgasm-dopamine hangover explains alot.

This last week has been abit of a rollercoaster mood-wise. I am starting to admit to myself just how depressed I've been for, like, ever, and as I say things have started to look up abit recently. Starting to believe in myself, and thinking that when a women looks at me it's actually possible it could be for a good reason.
In fact I caught a couple of girls eyeing me up on wednesday, which was nice, but the ego-boost is what I'm trying to avoid right now, and hence a downer afterwards. Learning to not be so hard on myself is going to be a massive part of this exercise. [ying]

Thanks

If you care to share, what kind of other material has helped you with confronting the psychological issues?

Sounds like you are well on your way to balancing !

Congrats,
Crow

Long Story Short

Well firstly it's not like I've managed to cold turkey myself out of this. My porn use was down to about 1-2 times a week for the last few years and I had managed other periods of abstinence but it's only this year having discovered sites such as this which have been able to give me the extra insights as well as consenus in thought on the subject, that I have managed to make what feels like a clean break.

A massive tool that has helped alot is when I started to make a porn-use diary. Just indicating days when I did or didn't use. Of course I only ever tick off previous days, so I don't make the mistake of it getting late at night and wanting to tick the day in the diary only to just remember something else I wanted to do and...
Ticking each day off is a small achievement at first. And then you start to count the weeks off, and then perhaps start making extra notes of things that you disover about yourself.

In terms of the pschology, I read abit of Jung as it appealed to my situation at the time, and started to analyse some of my dreams. Discovering my unconscious was a very strange experience! I admitted to myself that porn is just an escape from my emotions that I don't want to feel, and had tears before bedtime on several occasions, and still do.

I also read alittle about Avoidant Personality Disorder, the symptoms of which describe me perfectly, and regular porn usage has certainly contributed to any natural aversion to this disorder.

Last couple of weeks I have read a little Freud, and I've actually been able to identify with the Oedipus complex, and how my fathers lack of presence helped contribute to that... and also castration anxiety, but I'm not sure if that could largely be due to my porn shame.

The downer from the ego

The downer from the ego boost will start to go away when you feel deserving of the attention. A lot of us guys having issues with intimacy have a bad self-conception and feel that we do not deserve good things. However, attraction from other people is natural and its natural to feel attracted to other people. Also, not all ego is bad. We shouldnt feel shame for our desires or longings nor should we feel shame for taking up space in this world. Try to find ways to get in touch with your masculine core and the depression will lift. If women are looking at you now, wait until you are comfortable with believing in yourself and owning and controlling your desires. There is nothing spiritual about suppressing your ego and desires to the point of depression and considering it humility while feeling rageful, conflicted, and dissatisfied inside.