Submitted by Seeker on
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Intense cravings started yesterday. Well I have been able to deal with them. Today something happened that has happened before several times. I am still not sure exactly what it is or what is happening during the episode. I feel the cravings just ramp up. I feel it all over my body. I then start to get an intense headache. I even have to close my eyes the pain is so bad. During this I start to get an erection. Then after a few minutes Bam something happens. A release of some kind. Not sure if it is an orgasm or what. It feels different but very similar. The pain, cravings and erection are gone almost instantly after that though. I think it is an orgasm. Not sure why it happens. It is very frustrating thing to have to deal with. I usually give in to masturbation after an episode like this within a few hours. This happened about 4 hours ago. I can feel the cravings and stuff coming back. I just need to figure some way to avoid giving in to them this time.

Anyone experience anything like this ? Have any ideas ?

I will be posting some more stuff about cravings later. Just want to get this down first and get some thoughts.

Be Safe



the cold water trick. Much better than fighting yourself. Let the water do the work...and repeat if necessary.

Good luck, and*t happens! Smile

Maybe now would be a good

Maybe now would be a good time to sit down and do some meditation to try and re-center yourself. How about after that cooking a nice healthy dinner and snuggeling up with a cuddely blanket and whatch a good uplifting movie?? Or just going to sleep early. Ive never experienceed could have been an orgasm, or could have maybe it would be best to not consider it an orgasm until your certain...its definitly not your fault that it happened, thats for sure; try not to let yourself slide into the mentality of "well since i already F@#%ed up, not to mention i feel like $h^%...i dont give a crap ill just go for another O session. I know that if i slip up, i usually end up giveing into the rational -of course as dictated by my limbic brain- that i might as well just have a free for all - if i have one O i decide i mights as well have another one, and y not binge on a pint of ice cream while im at it...then i can just go to sleep and do the same thing when i get up. Try to remeber that u'll feel even worse after words if you end up O'ing despite whether you really did O unintentionaly the first time or not. Just keep pushing foward. You have been doing great and will continue to great and see great changes.

Thanks. I would try

Thanks. I would try meditation but the headache is coming back. Not sure I could do it with that going on. I did get in my meditation earlier today though :). I still feel very good after meditation. Like I am lighter and Just feel really good.

I am doing my best to make my addicted mind listen we will see how that goes. I refuse to give in today. I have relapsed on day 12 the last 2 times. I am at day 12 again today. I will not count what happened as an O. not sure what to count it as but I hope to be OK tonight. Was talking with a friend earlier and it was helping going to call them back in a few.

Wishing you well
Be Safe

Hey Mar, everythings pretty

Hey Mar,
everythings pretty good. Will blog at end of week 3. trying to get more of a panoramic view of week 3 as opposed to writing my observations of a single day...still standing strong though. Thanks for asking. Smile


Well made it through the

Well made it through the night and doing well today so far. Cravings are still up a little. I think I will be fine this time. This is the first time I have made it through such an episode without relapse to masturbation.

I am starting day 13 This is as long as I have been without orgasm since I made the 5 weeks back in February and March. I Just need to get to the end of next week and I will make it to 5 weeks again.

Cravings being up have my fantasies ramped up. I keep having to catch sexual ones starting up. Not had that for awhile. I have been getting lost in something close to lucid dreams since I started this process. Those are non sexual though. Not sure why but they have been. I do not just drop into those at night those lucid dream states can happen during the day when I slow down or sit down or stop for awhile. Very strange and powerful. It takes effort to stop them. I just need to make sure sex does not get into them.

So I have dealt with porn. Doing well with m/o. After I get control of those 3 I will have to deal with this fantasy issue not sure what to do about it yet. I trained my mind to really enjoy fantasy and it is going to be the hardest part of this to quit.

Wishing everyone well
Be Safe

I think I experience the

I think I experience the same thing as you're talking about James and I don't think the intense cravings are released by an orgasm. I see it as involving temptation, faith, and then release. I choose to view it as a spiritual battle within, where if we aren't released from temptation by God we'd never be able to win this fight. So this is what I think has happened to you. You had enough faith to not give into the temptation of acting out, and so after you showed your faith you were released from the temptation. It's funny you should mention this since it has been on my mind constantly today. I'm actually thinking of ways I can strengthen this faith, that if I can get through the cravings I'd be alright, but it's very hard when you have your own nature fighting against you.

Anyway I know these thoughts are hard to swallow for some and I don't expect many people to accept them, but I thought I'd show you perspective on the subject.

To sum my thoughts up the Apostle Paul said in the New testament

There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.

I hope I don't offend anyone by offering a spiritual view on the subject.

not offended

the opposite actually. I have bee one of the first to get offended by stuff like this. right now i really needed to hear that. I think i am being tested today. I will not fail. I will be strongerf after today. thank you. I just decided i need to be more open to things. It will all help me if I just listen. I do not have to practice all these beliefs but i need to be open. again this is heloping me a lot right now. Just finished my meditation so that is helping me too. thank you. wishing you well be safe James

I agree with you Harmony

I don't think these sexual urges will ever totally leave me either and as you say we have to learn to live with them. Maybe we'll be stronger in not giving in to them, maybe they become weaker or maybe we can express this sexual urge in a caring, spiritual way instead of an animalistic, violent act. But whatever the case may be I don't think this vital part of our nature is going anywhere. I guess we don't ever beat it in the end, we just learn to live with it and use it in a more natural, loving and caring way, which I guess is what this site is all about.

Guys who recover here

sometimes say, "The cravings are intense when they pop up. What has changed is that my ability to choose not to act on them has increased."

To me, this sounds like a return to the balance that's supposed to exist between the forebrain (rational brain) and the limbic system (mammalian brain). The latter gives us urges, and the former decides whether they are a good idea in the moment. People who meditate daily also find it improves the ability to choose "not to go there" (wherever "there" is), or to go somewhere else.

When the brain is out of balance, the mammalian brain is *screaming* for relief (stimulation), and we're designed to turn the reins over to the limbic brain when we're under stress.

I am doing very well

I am doing very well tonight. Cravings are not bad. They are there but very low. I had some food cravings. That was brought on most likely because of what I had to eat for lunch. The shop got pizza and I joined in. Bah oh well. I used an almond butter and jelly sandwich to stop the cravings. Natural jelly an flax bread. Very good.

Strange after my episode today at work. I actually felt good about myself. I feel good. Usually a big stress event like that would cause the cravings to be just way way up. I felt more empowered after the event. letting someone know they have crossed a line they should not have. To not keep quite about it. I think that is the difference in the cravings not being there. Usually I would be anxious and second guessing myself. It would have been me blowing up from my ego's defensiveness. Then it would want to feel better about itself and seek pleasure in acting out. Well today it was more me and not my ego that was angry and sharing my true feelings about it. Not a defensive reaction like the last episode that caused a relapse to masturbation to orgasm. That episode was purely my ego feeling like it was being attacked and caused me to react the way I did.

I also meditated soon after. That really helped me calm down and focus. I think it also helped with my whole mood and some with the cravings. I know I felt even better after the meditation. I still feel that blissful feeling after meditation. Not sure how to describe it. It just feels pleasurable after meditation.

Not saying that well but I think it gets the main idea across.

All in all feel good. Will be at 14 days after tomorrow. Then on to 3 weeks by the time I start my vacation. :)

Be Safe

Glad to hear it

It's cool that meditation has become a routine. It really *is* pleasurable, but it takes a few sessions to help your brain "lock in" to the pleasure. At first, it's just sitting quietly.

cravings and things that have helped

I have had very bad days of cravings being high. I have not given in to the cravings. I even had an even yesterday that would have normally caused a of stress. Instead it did not cause the stress that I would have normally felt. It is kind of strange. Instead of the shame and guilt of being in rage I actually felt better about being angry and speaking up. What does this difference in my thinking and feelings mean ?

What changes cause me to view this differently ?

Am I finally starting to really see balance in my mind and thinking ?

Not only the event that would have caused stress. I had the event the day before that usually made me give in with in hours. It has been a couple of days and I have not. Even now with the cravings being up I have not and not going to. I feel different about it for about the first time. I really feel like I have a choice. I feel like now that I have decided not to masturbate to orgasm my mind is going to listen to me.
It has been well over a year since I first started this. It has take that long to get my mind to this point. Many relapses and one very long one that was bad and lasted months.

I have tried so many things. All of which have had some effect and helped. From cold water to supplements. Now over the last 2 weeks or so I have done some type of meditation at some point in the day. Not sure this is the "key" practice that made it work. I know it has helped a lot.

The things that have helped me the most.
Diet change. Makes me feel better about myself. It also makes me just feel better. I have not been perfect with it but I have done enough so that my body has been able to heal and improve. It has made a huge difference.
Exercise. Another big one. I have done some for of exercise at least every other day and sometimes every day over the last 6+ months. Again I feel better about myself. I look better. My body is stronger. My mind is stronger. I feel better not about myself but physically feel better.
Supplements. Not going into them all but they do have an effect.
Talking to someone of the opposite sex by phone or in person that knows about the addiction. Someone that is being supportive and not judging you about it. Someone to talk to about all this stuff and to just be friends with and talk.
For me this was an even bigger thing than maybe for others. I had never done talked to women before this. Well at work and family but not like this not as friends. Someone to talk to about all my problems. I mean all of them. Also to listen and help with their problems also.
It was a a major shift for me. I would not be any where near where I am in my recovery without these women. They have made such and impact on my life. I know I can never repay them for what They did for me.
Reuniting itself. This place really let me open up and talk about my problems and addiction. I never thought I would be able to talk about the things have on here :). It really does help and make a big difference. Being able to write all this stuff down kind of takes some of the power away from it. Just seeing it all laid out helps. Sharing and reading others struggles and triumphs is very helpful and inspiring. To be part of a safe community and almost family at times really does help. The kind of support we all get here and give each other is amazing to watch at times. I know it has been bumping at times me being a lot of bumps. It still is a very amazing to experience.
Now the meditation. I am not sure why it works or how it works or any of it. I just can tell the difference since I have been doing it. I have done other things in the past few weeks to try and get my mind straightened out. I think the meditation is the biggest and maybe the complete reason I am thinking a little more clearly and getting better results with choice. Maybe I started the meditation at the right time. I have gone so long without porn. My mind is reset in that area. I have had so few masturbation and orgasm sessions this year it amazes me. I know orgasm still fucks me up :). Still to resist giving in and having them multiple times a day has had a big effect on my mind and the way it functions. From doing it at least 2 times a day and many days many more than that to having gone 6 weeks once 5 weeks another time and 9 and 12 twice and now back to 14 days without has made a difference. Now with meditation my mind is able to take all that I have done and sync and reorganize it all. It is letting my brain get all this stuff in its proper order so that I can actually have control when I decide not to do something.

All of this has just let me start having over all better mental thoughts. I still get some depression and loneliness and despair and hopelessness thoughts and feelings. I stop them quickly though. I do not slip into that near as much or nearly as long as I have in the past. I mean I lived like that every minute of every day for year and years. Now I have days of feeling better and confident. I feel confident about myself more and more each day. Still a long way to go but I do feel it. I think it is why I did not feel the shame the other day about getting angry. Why should I ? I know before this I would have felt shame and embarrassed about how I reacted. Now I do not. I feel better because I spoke out against something I felt was wrong. Does not make me right. Being right or wrong does not matter. Defending and standing up for myself and beliefs do.

Well I think that is enough insight and thoughts for now.
Since everyone seems to be adding quotes I have one

"Remember it is always darkest just before it goes pitch black." :) I know not uplifting but it is funny :)

Wishing everyone well
Be Safe


I think meditation is great. On the one hand it's perfectly natural - there's no drugs or anything involved - but actually for a human, doing nothing is far from natural and just sitting still, but without the intention of going to sleep, it's just not normal.

Perhaps that's why people (in the west) dismiss it so quickly.

Funny, Gary said something very similar

That karezza was like meditation: organic, and powerful and beneficial...but not our usual way of doing things.

For me, it all comes down to getting that brain balanced. Maybe in simpler, less super-stimulating times neither practice was needed, but now...


When all you've got to worry about is the 4 f's in their most basic forms, that leaves a lot of down time for the brain to do a de-frag cycle, but for a lot of us in this contemporary society that down time doesn't occur on it's own accord.

Yeah I was thinking that karezza must be the same. Your mind is aching to be do something and it stretches your consciousness open.

Maybe doing nothing is

Maybe doing nothing is natural. Or I should say getting away from what is the western world is natural. Think about all the stuff we have now. We developed so much before all this super stimuli and I do not mean just porn. I mean all of it. There is just so much going on around us. So much stuff flooding our minds. If you go far enough back the people would have down time and I mean down time. They did a lot of strenuous stuff but they had down time too. At night it was rest real rest. Now we keep going all times of the day and night. Our brains never get any down time except at sleep which none of us get enough of (except maybe diamondsoul22 :) ). Our ancestors did get this down time without sleep. Plus they got more sleep.

[quote]Three to five hour working day
Reports on hunters and gatherers of the ethnological present-specifically on those in marginal environments suggest a mean of three to five hours per adult worker per day in food production. Hunters keep banker's hours, notably less than modern industrial workers (unionised), who would surely settle for a 21-35 hour week. An interesting comparison is also posed by recent studies of labour costs among agriculturalists of neolithic type. For example, the average adult Hanunoo, man or woman, spends 1,200 hours per year in swidden cultivation;21 which is to say, a mean of three hours twenty minutes per day. Yet this figure does not include food gathering, animal raising, cooking and other direct subsistence efforts of these Philippine tribesmen. Comparable data are beginning to appear in reports on other primitive agriculturalists from many parts of the world.

There is nothing either to the convention that hunters and gatherers can enjoy little leisure from tasks of sheer survival. By this, the evolutionary inadequacies of the palaeolithic are customarily explained, while for the provision of leisure the neolithic is roundly congratulated. But the traditional formulas might be truer if reversed: the amount of work (per capita) increases with the evolution of culture, and the amount of leisure decreases. Hunter's subsistence labours are characteristically intermittent, a day on and a day off, and modern hunters at least tend to employ their time off in such activities as daytime sleep. In the tropical habitats occupied by many of these existing hunters, plant collecting is more reliable than hunting itself. Therefore, the women, who do the collecting, work rather more regularly than the men, and provide the greater part of the food supply.

In alleging this is an affluent economy, therefore, I do not deny that certain hunters have moments of difficulty. Some do find it "almost inconceivable" for a man to die of hunger, or even to fail to satisfy his hunger for more than a day or two.16 But others, especially certain very peripheral hunters spread out in small groups across an environment of extremes, are exposed periodically to the kind of inclemency that interdicts travel or access to game. They suffer although perhaps only fractionally, the shortage affecting particular immobilised families rather than the society as a whole. (10)

Still, granting this vulnerability, and allowing the most poorly situated modern hunters into comparison. it would be difficult to prove that privation is distinctly characteristic of the hunter-gatherers. Food shortage is not the indicative property of this mode of production as opposed to others; it does not mark off hunters and gatherers as a class or a general evolutionary stage. Lowie (22) asks:

"But what of the herders on a simple plane whose maintenance is periodically jeopardised by plagues-who, like some Lapp bands of the nineteenth century were obliged to fall back on fishing? What of the primitive peasants who clear and till without compensation of the soil, exhaust one plot and pass on to the next, and are threatened with famine at every drought? Are they any more in control of misfortune caused by natural conditions than the hunter-gatherer?"

Above all. what about the world today? One-third to one-half of humanity are said to go to bed hungry every night. In the Old Stone Age the fraction must have been much smaller. This is the era of hunger unprecedented. Now, in the time of the greatest technical power, is starvation an in. situation. Reverse another venerable formula: the amount of hunger in. creases relatively and absolutely with the evolution of culture. This paradox is my whole point. Hunters and gatherers have by force of circumstances an objectively low standard of living. But taken as their objective, and given their adequate means of production. all the people's material wants usually can be easily satisfied.

The world's most primitive people have few possessions. but they are not poor. Poverty is not a certain small amount of goods, nor is it just a relation between means and ends; above all it is a relation between people. Poverty is a social status. As such it is the invention of civilisation. It has grown with civilisation, at once as an invidious distinction between classes and more importantly as a tributary relation that can render agrarian peasants more susceptible to natural catastrophes than any winter camp of Alaskan Eskimo.[/quote]

Just some thoughts :)


Great quotation!

It's very exciting about the meditation. I'm sure it's helping, but it may also just have been "the right time," as you say.

That's a great list. Should it be linked to from one of the wikis? Smile

Today was interesting. I

Today was interesting. I have had cravings spike and go today. I mean very strong cravings. I did not have to fight them. I was able to just let them be. They were about as strong as I can remember. It was almost effortless to just ignore them and not even be remotely close to giving in. I did keep myself busy for the most part. I did have some down time though on an off. Was busy with my bedroom make over. It is almost complete and as close to a good fung shui setup as I can get it :). I do still need to paint the walls and redo the floors. Removed all the old carpet it was about 17 years old anyway so it needed to go. Bare concrete now not sure what to redo it with but it is fine for now.
sorry side tracked there for a minute :)

I did get my meditation in today. It gets easier and I feel better every time. Not sure if it is making the difference or not. I may have just started using it at the right time. Although It could be making a big difference in the cravings. I know it is easier to resist and ignore them now. That started when I began doing at least one 20 minute meditation a day. Been about 2 weeks I think on the meditation. I would need to look through my blog to see if I stated when I started. I guess it does not really matter cause I know I am over a week and maybe as much as 2 weeks.

It is hard to explain but I just feel really good after my meditation. I need to start mixing them up so I do not burn out on that one track 6 guided meditation found on reuniting.

Other than that not much to report.
High cravings that I can decided to ignore.
Meditation seems to be helping

Wishing everyone well
Be Safe

Sounds awesome. I like

Sounds awesome. I like hearing that, it makes me look forward to taking up and experiencing the benefits of meditation too.
Keep up the good work.

Courage is knowing what not to fear.

Doing even better today.

Doing even better today. Cravings were not really that bad.

I did my meditation this morning. I enjoy it more and more. I hope I can stick with it.

I seem to be a little more clear now. I seem to be recovering a bit fast than I remember. I am on day 16 I believe.

I will be interested to see how I do on my trip. We will see how I do with my anxiety. I can feel a little stress building already. Nothing bad. No where near what it would have been a year ago. I do not think I would have been able to do this a year ago.

As long as I stay away from orgasm I will be fine though.

nothing else really to go over. although I do like the way I feel without orgasm hangover. Who would have thought not having an orgasm feels better than having one.

Wishing everyone well
Be Safe

NO one would have!

I certainly didn't think so. I remember when I read my first book on "Taoist Secrets of Love." My jaw dropped! But at the same time, I began to wonder....

Very dangerous, wondering. Wink

no cravings

no cravings or feelings for m or o or p right now. clear of all of that for once. i really feel clear. my mind is a bit of a mess. my meditation was a struggle and i did not go the 30 minutes about 10 and than later another 8 or so. not sure what is up. i will take no cravings or headaches though. even if my mind is a little muddled. on day 18 of no m or o and closing in on 5 months of no porn. be safe James

I start it on Friday . But I

I start it on Friday :). But I am still having fun now :).

Cravings were a little bit up this morning. Not too bad. I think they have starting dropping again. It is that waking up and well the body doing its thing that causes that I think. From looking up stuff and reading It seems testosterone hits its daily high around 4 or 5 in the morning.

Doing OK though. Hopefully my meditation goes better today. Just could not get my mind to settle yesterday. was a bit strange feeling.

That is about it for now.

Wishing everyone well
Be Safe