A mind once stretched has a difficult time going back to its original form.

Submitted by Consciousness on
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For those of you who are sincere about devoting yourself to a higher level of energy, passion, and creativity in life, I congratulate you. You are ahead of 99.9% of other people by visiting Marina's website.

Sex is a act of procreation. Nature gave it some urgency and made sure we'd pursue it by making it pleasurable. Seed is not feces to be regularly expelled. It is literally your life. It can create life, and it can also create IN life. Once a man learns to control himself and not be emptied of his essence, life will submit to his will. If he can master himself, he can master the world and give his deepest gifts to the world. Sexual desire is natural. Don't fight it. Yield into it, and channel that towards something. A hobby, a passion, your work that you believe in. You'll find that you have more energy for people and more love towards all. This is why we are here.

Imagine the following:

Waking up at 5am on certain days and pushing ahead all day until midnight and having the same clarity of thought, physical performance.
Being able to focus and concentrate single mindedly on anything at hand.
Having the willpower and courage to persist despite anything.

The garden

And for a woman who has no seed? For it's not the seed I need to grow. Just regular tending. With this,
I come to life and can put the passion to other things. Without, I seem to wither and my blooms few.
For some, pleasure is a fever they can't shake. For others, it's a disease they cannot seem to catch. ~Nathaniel LeTonnerre, translated

Thanks for reminding us of the spiritual/personal benefits

Thanks for reminding us of the spiritual/personal benefits of sexual continence. I first encountered this idea when I browsed over to Julian Lee's website (celibacy.info) a couple of years ago.

This is my first post. I think this website is a true gift. Men are born with a tiger within them that can be damn hard to tame. This website can help us to tame that tiger.

I will relate my story to the group soon.



and some women as well. There is a tiger in me, but unions with other tigers
seemed to lead to abuse verbally, emotionally or physically. I am safe now but life with a lamb
has me longing for my own kind.

For some, pleasure is a fever they can't shake. For others, it's a disease they cannot seem to catch. ~Nathaniel LeTonnerre, translated

I've listened a lot

to both men and women on this subject for two decades. Neither sex likes a partner who is voracious (except while honeymoon neurochemistry is running rampant Wink ) or dissatisfied. Both are turn-offs. And soon seem to result in lingering desire for "space." This disharmony can be hard to heal even when the tiger backs way off.

But what I've learned is that lack of interest doesn't mean non-tiger is a lamb. If a relationship ends, and he/she takes up with a new partner, desire may well return. So clearly there's more at work.

Personally, I think it really helps for both partners to understand what the real culprit is likely to be (different responses in the brain to intense stimulation...and to lack of touch: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201005/can-t-s...). Then, they should be able to accommodate one another better than if they just keep making each other wrong or ill.

Relationships are precious. Few "lamb" partners are totally unwilling to offer a few moments of generous affection...if they are not made wrong, if they understand why it's needed, and if they are not pressured for more. UNLESS contact leads to orgasm. In many, that seems to strengthen the desire for space (or the libido of the tiger) so much that even generous affection is asking too much energetically.

It's hard to make big changes in intimate relationships. But often a partner will be willing to try a three-week experiment. What's there to lose?

Yes of this I am aware, this

Yes of this I am aware, this desire could return with a new partner. What I dont understand...is so much. Yes Marnia we agreed making the time for us was an issue. I am the only one feeling unloved and like a roommate, I am the only one that feels things are lacking here. I dont feel any intimacy, I dont feel like he cares about how i fee.l I would imagine him rolling his eyes in response to me when I am not looking. So anything he does Marnia, he ONLY does because I ask him to. Not due to any feelings of discontent on his part. It would be like me not cooking dinner or cleaning the house because it just doesn't concern me, I have zero desire to do it, so I dont. I could be clear on the fact that it makes him feel loved that I do those things, but I am just not in the mood. Can you say this is a marriage? As far as the voraciousness, it is gone, my awareness that chasing an orgasm made me appear quite selfish, hit me hard, I felt ashamed of myself and the fact that in doing so I was adding to my highs and lows in mood as well as depression was for me enough reason to check myself. It's different now, it's he who initiates relations and he is quick about wanting to give me mine so I can get to his. So this last time, I tried to explain myself and my need to feel the feeling together, and well that was awkward enough that I care to not even try again. Maybe what he needs is a new partner, one who doesn't require love to be shown with touch and time. I have touched on that haven't I ? The fact that I am also the only one who wants to go to dinner, or anything couple focused. I would much rather be happy than right. I still want him, I love him, I think he is a wonderful man. I guess I just want him to love me back because that makes me happy even if it inconvienences his time doing what he wants.

For some, pleasure is a fever they can't shake. For others, it's a disease they cannot seem to catch. ~Nathaniel LeTonnerre, translated

maybe i am just feeling

maybe i am just feeling sorry for myself :( , and when I am done I will have more patience to push his compliance for 5 minutes of bonding, I just feel like I am putting him out for something he ought to be rather concerned about. I'd take a bullet without a thought for him, it seems so out of balance. Words to me are worthless, show me. thanks for listening to me whine on someone elses blog. Sorry to be a downer. My over emotional mental state is to me a drag. I wish I could find importance in things not requiring the attention of others.
For some, pleasure is a fever they can't shake. For others, it's a disease they cannot seem to catch. ~Nathaniel LeTonnerre, translated

I'm sorry

The whole point of the Exchanges, or bonding behaviors, is for *them* to do the work of bringing those feelings back to life. This means that you can't expect those feelings to be there...until the right signals are given to a primitive part of your brain for a while.

So, I know it's hard on your ego, but just think of them as medicine. You need a full course, as with antibiotics. Wink

I asked if he would just lie

I asked if he would just lie on the couch and hold me, and sort of explained why. He said ok and said we should make the time no matter what. So I am thinkingwhen he gets home from work everyday . :)

For some, pleasure is a fever they can't shake. For others, it's a disease they cannot seem to catch. ~Nathaniel LeTonnerre, translated

There you go!

That's great news. After a time, you may be able to shift from the couch to the bed and try the daily skin-to-skin thing. Don't rush it. Wait till you feel nice and centered...and loved. Smile