So I relapsed on p/m/o this morning.
The one thing that always gets me is when I have a wet dream, and then I wake up feeling like, "aw, crap, so I had a dopamine high that's going to lead to a hangover, but I wasn't even conscious to enjoy the dopamine high." And then I give in because I want to be conscious to enjoy the dopamine high. I thought I was going to make it through this morning after realizing I had a wet dream. I rationalized about how the dopamine high of a wet dream definitely isn't as high as the dopamine-high that comes about from masturbating to porn. I should have used the cold water trick, but I thought the rationalization would work. It didn't.
I was in a bit of a funk all morning. I felt really sluggish. I knew I had to give a presentation later today, and so I was mad at myself for bringing this sluggish hangoverness upon myself. But then the presentation actually went really well. All the preparation I did for it paid off, even though i wasn't feeling 100%. The success of the presentation really picked up my spirits, and it helped me to stop feeling guilty. (I'm getting better at not guilt-tripping myself...my motto now is "my future success depends upon how nice and forgiving i am of myself now"...but it's still a bit of a challenge to not feel guilt).
But ya, I'm trying to learn from it.
I think that I may try to raise the stakes a bit now. Since September, when I first came across Marnia's blog on psychologytoday.com, I've been trying to cut back on masturbation and quit pornography. I've been able to cut back masturbation to about once a week (been trying to make it to three), but I always seem to relapse on the pornography. So, to get out of this cycle, I think I'm going to cut out masturbation for something crazy like two months and let "wet dreams take their course." I think if I'm able to do that then I may be able to cut out pornography. Or do you guys think that's too unrealistic of a goal?