Submitted by sparks on
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hi all!
im new here. im a guy.

Supposing me and my wife engage in a non-orgasm goal motivated sex.

i got some questions to ask...

1. Yam yum is one the most sensual intimate sex position in a tantric sex position. While doing in this position with my wife, is it ok to engage to a foreplay with my wife such as:

a. french kissing
b. i want lick and suck her nipple
c. gentle caress her breasts with my hands

Note: please tell me which of the three above is not advisable to engage?

2. How do you describe and perceive a "unselfish giving" in a sexual activity to my wife (in a male perspective since im a guy)?

3. How can I be more caring and affectionate (unselfishly) with her in terms of our sexual activity in the bed?

4. How can I "unselfishly give myself" to my wife in terms of sexual activity?

Note: Please give a detail examples and explaination of Q#2, Q#3 and Q#4.

Thanks!

Yab yum sex position

sparks wrote:
hi all!
im new here. im a guy.

Supposing me and my wife engage in a non-orgasm goal motivated sex.

i got some questions to ask...

1. Yam yum is one the most sensual intimate sex position in a tantric sex position. While doing in this position with my wife, is it ok to engage to a foreplay with my wife such as:

a. french kissing
b. i want lick and suck her nipple
c. gentle caress her breasts with my hands

Note: please tell me which of the three above is not advisable to engage?

2. How do you describe and perceive a "unselfish giving" in a sexual activity to my wife (in a male perspective since im a guy)?

3. How can I be more caring and affectionate (unselfishly) with her in terms of our sexual activity in the bed?

4. How can I "unselfishly give myself" to my wife in terms of sexual activity?

Note: Please give a detail examples and explaination of Q#2, Q#3 and Q#4.

Thanks!

Hello Sparks,

Welcome on this forum.

I think that the answer to your four questions is the same: it is the intention that matters the most.
Marnia's research and many people's personal experiences have clearly shown that not only orgasm but high levels of uncontrolled exitement have negative effects. Beyond that, you have to investigate to see what works and what doesn't.

As a male, I can clearly see what is exciting about French kissing, nipple nibbling, etc. There is nothing wrong per se about doing this. I often remember the distinction Marnia makes between a "loving touch" and a "grabbing touch". When we touch our parter, do we want to take something from her/him, or do we want to love her/him? Do we do what we do because we ourselves like it, because it exites us, or because we sense that our partner will feel more loved, more relaxed, more cared for when we do it?

Unselfish giving is everything we happen to do when 100% of our attention is directed towards loving the person we give to.
To take an example, when we give a full body massage to our wifes, it's perfectly ok to massage body parts such as the buttucks or the breasts. But even then, our attention should be 100% towards giving, towards making our partner relaxed and loved.

It's not: "Woah! This Karrezza stuff gives me a pretext to have a grab at her breast: I like it! It gives me such a hardon! Yeah!"

It's: "Now it's my turn to give unselfishly. I observe her body language and facial expression carefully so as to see what she likes best. When in doubt, I ask her simple questions like: Am I using too much strength? Which body part do you still feel tense? etc. I sit on the bed, at her side, in a position that allows me to serve her best. I try to find the best way to touch her in a way that best expresses my love for her."

What we are trying to create is love, not sexual excitement, even though sexual union and sexual erotic sensations can be part of the bigger love creation endeavour.

Within limits, you can do many things during your sexual activities with you wife. As far as I understand, the intention is what matters the most. Still, we say that "the road to Hell is paved with good intentions", so check the feedback you get from your wife. The feedback can be her body language, her facial expression, subbtle hints given during the act or the next day, or plain spoken words. This feedback is the tuning device that will ensure you achieve what you really intended.

Re-reading your question, I notice that I missed your comment about foreplay. Foreplay is more important than ever. So, yes, before your unite sexually, there can be and should be plenty of foreplay. It should be obvious that for penetration to take place (whatever the position) the virile member should be erect, and the yoni very wet. Yet, again, the focus is not the same as is "conventional" sex. To have a heavy hand on her clitoris and biting her nipples at the same time is not the only way, and very often not the best way to get your wife ready for coitus. Experience shows that she may get more wet if you simply intend to love her, and gently carress her whole body, using your eyes to convey your love.

Other people would answer your questions differently, according to their understanding and experience (which may be much greater than mine!!) I hope that other community members will share with you some of their insights.

Meanwhile, I hope that what I wrote is helpful to you and answers at least partly your questions (that was my intention). If not of if you have more questions, don't hesitate to ask further questions (that's the tuning device).

Have fun investigating such matters with your partner! :)

Blessings.

Yab yum sex position

thanks a lot for the suggestions and advice and for the kind welcome of this forum :D

hmm i got some critical questions though...

Situation 1

In a tyical passionate sex, its often not advisable to reach orgasm for male since it can cause us a rush of dopamine in our brain and can cause separation instead of emotional bonding...

however, if i engage with a non-orgasm goal motivated sex with my wife, its envitable that the guy will ultimately have an orgasm or ejaculation at the end of the sexual activity...

1. would his stored oxytocin levels from his non-orgasm goal motivated sex session earlier (about 30 mins.) will be diminish because he ultimately have orgams or ejaculation and hence cause the peak of dopamine levels?

2. because of this (refer to Q#1) his stored loving affection of his wife will be ultimatly gone because of the rush of dophamine?

3. Would it be just useless to engage to a non-orgasm motivated goal sex (for the purpose to store oxytocin levels in the brain), since the guy will evitably have an orgams or ejaculation at the end of their sexual activity and hence cause the rise of dopamine levels?

Situation 2

its envitable for a guy will ultimatley have an orgams or ejaculation at the end of a non-orgasm goal motivated sex.

4. Will he still have oxytocin levels rise up despite of the orgasm he experience from a non-orgasm goal motivated sex.

Situation 3

5. Its very tempting to engage a morning sex early at dawn, how can i control my sexual appetite for this matter cause i dont want to pressure my wife because she still sleepy?

6. How can i control perceivng my beloved wife as a sex object that i want to satisty my sexual gratification?

7. How can i perceive her without lusting her in a more affectionate and caring and loving way to her during our sexual activity session?

8. Why some girls are emotionally attach to their sex male partner despite she doesnt experience an orgasm?

9. How can i have a maintain a steady relax arousal during foreplay (not a passionate forpaly) with my wife?

Thanks in advance :D

Yab yum sex position

Believe it or not, orgasm is not inevitable. :) The process we recommend is
about slowly learning to exchange sexual energy at a heart level by
putting the
emphasis on giving to your partner. Try the Exchanges in the book.

Lots of generous affection does increase sensitivity to oxytocin (in effect
raising its levels), but ejaculation will throw you into an addictive cycle,
which has a sort of hangover. That's why there are two parts to the challenge
here...generous affection and learning to make love without a dopamine
rush...and subsequent dopamine lows that can affect you for two weeks. The
feelings of depletion (or intense cravings) can be projected onto your
partner,
so that you either want to get away...or gobble her up!

Incidentally, you can't store oxytocin or dopamine. You can increase your
balance of these neurochemicals by careful lovemaking.

Yab yum sex position

so you mean i can choose not to ejaculate with my wife?

1. Is it possible that i can engage to a in a caring love making (non-orgasm motivated sex) at the same time we want to have a baby without having dophamine-induce orgams?

2. Is it possible to have an sperm ejaculation (for the purpose of having a baby) without triggering dopamine-orgasm peak levels and still remain in a caring loving love making (non-orasm goal oriented sex) ?

3A. Since i can choose to not ejaculate. Would that hurt since i can't release my sexual arousal?

3B. How would then i suppose to control my sexual arousal and sexual tension, if i can't release it in my penis through ejaculation?

4. Please share any suggestions and ideas on what should a male partner do with his hands, speach, communication to my wife in a "unselfsh giving" and caring way, while having making-love with her in a yab-yum* tantric position?

*see yab yum picture on http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom

(base on q#4) Please share creative ideas in deatils in a loving and affectionate way?

Thanks again!

Yab yum sex position

Hello again, Sparks,

sparks wrote:
thanks a lot for the suggestions and advice and for the kind welcome of this forum :D

hmm i got some critical questions though...

I'll do my best to give you my answer to your questions.

Still, I understand where you're coming from, because I have been through those stages myself, and I guess many other males in this forum have too.

There is an underlying fear behind your questions, fear of something unknown, fear of doing something wrong, etc. I know I have had a lot of fears, at some times, about sexuality. But, really, there is nothing to fear. We make mistakes, we fall, and we get back up again: this is a learning process. I'll try to do my best to answer all your questions, but really, my answers will be worthless compared to the experience you will gain once you try things out for yourself.

Before I move on to your questions, I have two simple questions for you, too:

1- Do you have the book "Peace Between the Sheets"? The exstatic exchanges at the end of the book are a good step-by-step guide to get rid of your addiction to orgasm.
2- Are you married, living with your wife? (it seems that you are, but I would like to confirm).
3- Have you talked about this with her? What does she think? You can offer her a copy of the book to spark her interest in this topic.

(ok, that's three questions, not two: It'll teach you not to believe everything I say, but try things out for yourself and make your own experience Wink )

sparks wrote:
Situation 1

In a tyical passionate sex, its often not advisable to reach orgasm for male since it can cause us a rush of dopamine in our brain and can cause separation instead of emotional bonding...

Actually, you should not reach orgasm. ever. That's the goal, anyway. What Marnia's studies show, is that the orgasm can have negative consequences for up to two weeks after the orgasm. So, any deal that says: "ok, I'll try this orgasm-free sex stuff during the week, but on Sunday, I have a break and can shoot my load where I want.". This won't work. One has to try for a period of three weeks at least, and the longer you do it, the more benefits you can perceive. That is, one has to both avoid orgasm, AND build a loving bond with your partner.

sparks wrote:
however, if i engage with a non-orgasm goal motivated sex with my wife, its envitable that the guy will ultimately have an orgasm or ejaculation at the end of the sexual activity...

No, it's not inevitable. You have to stop much earlier than that.

sparks wrote:
1. would his stored oxytocin levels from his non-orgasm goal motivated sex session earlier (about 30 mins.) will be diminish because he ultimately have orgams or ejaculation and hence cause the peak of dopamine levels?

Yes. In my experience, Marnia is right. Ejaculating can have negative effects for at least two weeks, and especially the second week.

Imagine this:
Imagine a cook. Imagine a very good cook. His speciality is doing pastries. Right now, he's baking a wedding cake. He uses only the best ingredients, and with much love and patience, he bakes the most astonishing and delicious wedding cake ever. But part of this cook's mind is twisted and evil. After having baked this wedding cake for a couple of hours, he puts the icing on the cake, and the icing is laced with rat poisoning. Knowing that the cake is now covered with poison, who will eat a piece of it? No matter the time, the skills, the love the cook used to bake this wonderful cake, it's now completely wasted because of the poisoned icing.

So, no matter how loving your love-making session is (the wedding cake), ejaculation or orgasm is the poisoned icing on the cake. And if you eat any of it, you'll be sick for two weeks.

sparks wrote:
2. because of this (refer to Q#1) his stored loving affection of his wife will be ultimatly gone because of the rush of dophamine?

yes.

sparks wrote:
3. Would it be just useless to engage to a non-orgasm motivated goal sex (for the purpose to store oxytocin levels in the brain), since the guy will evitably have an orgams or ejaculation at the end of their sexual activity and hence cause the rise of dopamine levels?

This way, it would be useless, but the orgasm is not inevitable. We guys have a choice. And the alternative feels good, if not better than conventional sex. :)

sparks wrote:
Situation 2

its envitable for a guy will ultimatley have an orgams or ejaculation at the end of a non-orgasm goal motivated sex.

4. Will he still have oxytocin levels rise up despite of the orgasm he experience from a non-orgasm goal motivated sex.

Same question, same answer: orgasm poisons the "non-orgasm goal motivated sex".

sparks wrote:

Situation 3

5. Its very tempting to engage a morning sex early at dawn, how can i control my sexual appetite for this matter cause i dont want to pressure my wife because she still sleepy?

The temptation is symptom of the former addiction. One gets over with such temptations.
You have to learn to pull your sexual energy upwards and inwards, up your spinal column inside your body, instead of ejaculating it downwards and out.

sparks wrote:
6. How can i control perceivng my beloved wife as a sex object that i want to satisty my sexual gratification?

Doing the exstatic exchanges in "Peace Between the Sheets" will go a long way towards solving this problem.

sparks wrote:
7. How can i perceive her without lusting her in a more affectionate and caring and loving way to her during our sexual activity session?

Yes. See my reply yesterday, above.

sparks wrote:
8. Why some girls are emotionally attach to their sex male partner despite she doesnt experience an orgasm?

I don't know :)
Actually, the orgasm doesn't create a bond between the partners, much to the contrary, as Marnia's studies have shown.

sparks wrote:
9. How can i have a maintain a steady relax arousal during foreplay (not a passionate forpaly) with my wife?

You don't need to stay erect all the time. In conventional sex, the male has to "perform", last long and make her scream. :shock:
Not so here. During the love-making session, it's perfectly ok for your penis to be flaccid. :)
The time when you actually penetrate your wife is only a small part of the whole session. When you are inside her, you don't need to move a lot: just what's necessary to retain a certain amount of stiffness, but not too much so as to avoid over-heating and spilling the cup.

Have fun in a loving way!

Yab yum sex position

sparks wrote:
so you mean i can choose not to ejaculate with my wife?

Yes, this is a matter of choice.
Males are not doomed to ejaculate. We can make a conscious choice to learn not to.

sparks wrote:
1. Is it possible that i can engage to a in a caring love making (non-orgasm motivated sex) at the same time we want to have a baby without having dophamine-induce orgams?

2. Is it possible to have an sperm ejaculation (for the purpose of having a baby) without triggering dopamine-orgasm peak levels and still remain in a caring loving love making (non-orasm goal oriented sex) ?

It's not necessary to ejaculate to have a baby!
I don't have children, because I don't wish to have any, now, so I don't have much experience about procreating Wink
But several members in this forum, and some other couples on a gnostic web site have testified that it's possible to have a baby even if the husband didn't ejaculate.

If you think about it, it makes sense:
How many sperms are needed to fecundate an ovum? One!
How many sperms are wasted when a man ejaculates? Millions!

I believe it's a question of intent. If the intent is to procreate, then at least one sperm will find a way to the ovum without the need for ejaculation. Actually, pre-ejaculate (also known as pre-ejaculatory fluid or Cowper's fluid) contains some sperms.

sparks wrote:
3A. Since i can choose to not ejaculate. Would that hurt since i can't release my sexual arousal?

No. :)
Do you lacrimal glands or tear ducts hurt if you can't release your tears by crying once in a while?

In my experience, the semen doesn't stay in your testes. You can raise your sexual energy inwards, up your spine, up to your brain, to feed your brain cells! Wink Just imagine it. After your love session or whenever you feel aroused (in the morning, for example), lay on your back, hands by your sides, knees raised (i.e. your feet close to your buttocks), and imagine the energy rising up as you breathe. Take slightly longer and deeper breaths than you usually do. As you breathe in, imagine the energy flowing inwards from your coccyx, up the spine and up to the back of the brain, then around to the from, up to the bridge of your nose (between your eyebrows). As you breathe out, imagine the energy carrying on its journey from the bridge of the nose to your heart, which glows brighter. Just imagine this. After much practice, you will actually start to feel it.

sparks wrote:
3B. How would then i suppose to control my sexual arousal and sexual tension, if i can't release it in my penis through ejaculation?

Do the practice I just mentionned.

sparks wrote:
4. Please share any suggestions and ideas on what should a male partner do with his hands, speach, communication to my wife in a "unselfsh giving" and caring way, while having making-love with her in a yab-yum* tantric position?

*see yab yum picture on http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom

(base on q#4) Please share creative ideas in deatils in a loving and affectionate way?

Thanks again!

I have given you quite a few ideas to start with: your intention is the key.

Maybe other people will chip in and share with you their insights.

What would be interesting is once you've tried all this out, once you have gained your own experience, you come back here and answer your own questions!

When I answer your questions, what I am actually doing is answering by past self who had very similar questions. :)

Blessings.

Yab yum sex position

webadmin wrote:
sparks wrote:
3A. Since i can choose to not ejaculate. Would that hurt since i can't release my sexual arousal?

No. :)

Do your lacrimal glands or tear ducts hurt if you can't release your tears by crying once in a while?

I forgot to mention that after a while, you find out that ejaculating actually hurts! If after a long period without ejaculating (several weeks), I ejaculate by accident, my testes will hurt and I will experience a noticeable negative change in my mood. this motivates me to be careful! :)

I had similar questions in the past, but now it feels to me like you're asking: "I always eat wedding cakes laced with rat poisoning. Will it hurt if I eat a cake without any poison in it?".

Wink

Yab yum sex position

Thanks a lot webadmin for your patience in answering my questions in detail :D

Quote:
Before I move on to your questions, I have two simple questions for you, too:

1- Do you have the book "Peace Between the Sheets"? The exstatic exchanges at the end of the book are a good step-by-step guide to get rid of your addiction to orgasm.
2- Are you married, living with your wife? (it seems that you are, but I would like to confirm).
3- Have you talked about this with her? What does she think? You can offer her a copy of the book to spark her interest in this topic.

1. Sadly no. I dont live in America. And its impossible for me to purchase that book in Amazon through internet... Do u have a copy of it online throught PDA format or like an E-book?

2. Yes

3. She's intereted though.

Quote:
It's not necessary to ejaculate to have a baby!
I don't have children, because I don't wish to have any, now, so I don't have much experience about procreating
But several members in this forum, and some other couples on a gnostic web site have testified that it's possible to have a baby even if the husband didn't ejaculate.

If you think about it, it makes sense:
How many sperms are needed to fecundate an ovum? One!
How many sperms are wasted when a man ejaculates? Millions!

I believe it's a question of intent. If the intent is to procreate, then at least one sperm will find a way to the ovum without the need for ejaculation. Actually, pre-ejaculate (also known as pre-ejaculatory fluid or Cowper's fluid) contains some sperms.

im sorry but i doubt your claims. Kindly please share some scientic proof to satisfy my curiousity?

Even though just a small amount of pre-cum it's still can cause an ejaculation

1. So how's is it possible for my "pre-cum" sperms to enter to my wife's vagina if i eventually withdraw my penis before i ejaculate?

Quote:
After your love session or whenever you feel aroused (in the morning, for example), lay on your back, hands by your sides, knees raised (i.e. your feet close to your buttocks), and imagine the energy rising up as you breathe. Take slightly longer and deeper breaths than you usually do. As you breathe in, imagine the energy flowing inwards from your coccyx, up the spine and up to the back of the brain, then around to the from, up to the bridge of your nose (between your eyebrows). As you breathe out, imagine the energy carrying on its journey from the bridge of the nose to your heart, which glows brighter. Just imagine this. After much practice, you will actually start to feel it.

2. whats the purpose of this practice? why do i had to perform it after the making love session?

Thanks again :)

Yab yum sex position

About the book, all the ordering possibilities are listed at the bottom of this page:
http://www.reuniting.info/peace_between_the_sheets
Currently, there is no other solutions.
Maybe you can get your local bookshop to order a copy for you.

sparks wrote:
Quote:
It's not necessary to ejaculate to have a baby!
I don't have children, because I don't wish to have any, now, so I don't have much experience about procreating
But several members in this forum, and some other couples on a gnostic web site have testified that it's possible to have a baby even if the husband didn't ejaculate.

If you think about it, it makes sense:
How many sperms are needed to fecundate an ovum? One!
How many sperms are wasted when a man ejaculates? Millions!

I believe it's a question of intent. If the intent is to procreate, then at least one sperm will find a way to the ovum without the need for ejaculation. Actually, pre-ejaculate (also known as pre-ejaculatory fluid or Cowper's fluid) contains some sperms.

im sorry but i doubt your claims. Kindly please share some scientic proof to satisfy my curiousity?

Even though just a small amount of pre-cum it's still can cause an ejaculation

1. So how's is it possible for my "pre-cum" sperms to enter to my wife's vagina if i eventually withdraw my penis before i ejaculate?

First of all, my only claim on this topic is that I don't have any experience: I don't have children, and I have never tried to have any.
I was reporting other people's claims seen on several forums that they conceived children but the father didn't ejaculate. At this time, I have no reason to doubt those claims.

Precum comes way before you ejaculate. Men in this forum don't ejaculate, but we still all have precum each time we make love with our wives. Before you even enter her vigina, you already have secreted some precum.

Now, does precum contain semen? and most importantly: is it possible to become pregnant from precum alone? Seaching the web, I notice this question is slightly disputed, but the consensus seems to be that precum does contain as least some sperm, and a pregnancy from precum alone is not likely but still a possibility.

See for example here:
Can pre-cum get you pregnant?
http://www.barnard.columbia.edu/wwoman/qanda/protect/precum2.html

Quote:
Pre-cum can contain sperm, so the answer is yes. Precum, also referred to as pre-ejaculate, is a fluid that is discharged from the penis when a man is aroused but before he ejaculates (it coats the urethra and helps sperm to move). While not likely, precum can contain sperm and a small number of pregnancies due to precum have been reported. Also, if a man has ejaculated recently the chance of precum containing sperm is slightly raised since it is possible for the precum to "pick up" any sperm that was left from the previous ejaculation. Sperm can live and remain motile for a long while in either urethral folds or Cowper's glands, one reason why withdrawal (coitus interruptus) is not a reliable method of birth control and why it's possible for pre-cum to carry a sexually transmitted

Since we are not supposed to ejaculate at all, the chances that our precum contains sperm would be lower than average, but not null.

Another site says:

Quote:
Posted by: travis
How much sperm is actually in pre-cum? and if this happen in a girl, whats the chances of pregnacy?...also if a lil got on the vagina lips should i be worried?

Reply by: RTB
pre-cum does have less sperm than a full ejaculation in it. It only takes one sperm to get a woman pregnant, and even pre-cum can have thousands of sperm in it. If you leave some semen at the opening of the vagina, you are making it possible for sperm to move up into the reproductive tract.

Having clarified this, my personal experience is this: my wife and me don't use any contraception method, but even though we have "unprotected" sex every day, my wife has never been pregnant. It may be that one of us in infertile, but we wouldn't know it because we never tried to have a child. Or it may be that we are both perfectly healthy and able to procreate, but the simple fact that we have not planned for a child has prevented the few little sperms that are present in my precum to reach their goal.

In any case, the point is moot until you actually decide to have a child. If you don't want a child now, you certainly have no need to ejaculate.
If your wife and you decide to have a child, here is what I would do:
1- try to conceive one without ejaculating, but using prayer and intention to procreate.
2- if after two or three cycles, your wife fails to be pregnant, and only then, consider the possibility to set a date on which you can ejaculate...
3- come back to this forum to tell your tale: we certainly could do with more testimonies...

sparks wrote:
Quote:
After your love session or whenever you feel aroused (in the morning, for example), lay on your back, hands by your sides, knees raised (i.e. your feet close to your buttocks), and imagine the energy rising up as you breathe. Take slightly longer and deeper breaths than you usually do. As you breathe in, imagine the energy flowing inwards from your coccyx, up the spine and up to the back of the brain, then around to the from, up to the bridge of your nose (between your eyebrows). As you breathe out, imagine the energy carrying on its journey from the bridge of the nose to your heart, which glows brighter. Just imagine this. After much practice, you will actually start to feel it.

2. whats the purpose of this practice? why do i had to perform it after the making love session?
Thanks again :)

You don't have to. It's only my personal advice.

At the beginning, it may be that you wouldn't feel any difference, whether you do this or not.
Personally, I know I have to do it, because if I don't do this after an intense "Sexual Alchemy" session, I will start to feel an acute pain at my coccyx, at the exact supposed location of the root chakra.

It's up to you to decide to practice this or not.
I know that many members in this forum do practice this, but probably not all. I don't know.

I am looking forward to the time when you will have plenty of experience, and you'll be able to share your own insights with us on this forum. :D