Checking In

Aphrodites Chela's picture
Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on
Printer-friendly version

Hi Marnia,
Thanks for asking. I've stopped reading about karezza and visiting this place because I could not get my partner to join me in this practice (and Lawd, I ain't got no time.....this note has taken an hour). I became very anxious and obsessive about how to get her involved. I expressed that struggle here....thank you thank you, thank you. But reading and blogging here also fed my anxiety and frustration. I became a more "loving" man but was frustrated with her lack of response. I felt stupid giving to a woman who did not appreciate the gifts. I withdrew. In May (after a bout of porn use) I was thinking divorce. I went over 3 weeks without orgasm before bringing it up to my wife. I read "No More Mister Nice Guy" by Robert Glover (thanks JRSun76) and took a serious inventory of my self, by myself. Mi esposa y mi had several days of long and difficult talks (2X4 method of spousal training). We have come to a new agreement: at some point on weekends, she will initiate a sexual intimate encounter and I on Wednesdays. On the intervening days I practice loving contact without expectation of any kind. I've found a great peace in this practice. Over the 4th of July weekend we had some of the best sex ever in our 36 year relationship: almost 2 hours of non goal oriented loving contact. We did end in orgasm, so I can't call it karezza, but it kind of was. Because of what I've learned here, I was in a place of satisfaction throughout the encounter. We could have stopped at any point. My Izzy likes her O......ok, ok, I like mine too......so we did, but it was a small part of a much larger connection....a nice finishing touch. Fallout? Hangover? I dunno. I do have hope. I know that today and again in a couple of days my wife and I will be together in the way that I want and she gets the peace that she wants. Gawd, that sounds selfish and self centered. I also read "The Guru Papers" by Kramer and Alstad and a little selfishness is ok for me.
I am so very grateful to be free from chasing the orgasm. Thank you all.

Comments

Well, I think that sounds

Well, I think that sounds like a lovely compromise!

And I have to say, the anticipation of making love can be just as wonderful as the actual act...I spend my weekdays anticipating the weekends with my lover and just *knowing* the days are getting closer does something wonderful to my libido. As a woman, I think it helps us to know beforehand when it's going to happen as it allows us the luxury of being prepared, whether in thought or body.

So enjoy and thank you for updating us, AC!

rediscovered

Well done!

I'm really proud of you. Hope this represents a satisfying turning point. And if she needs any convincing that karezza could be fun, too...we have some couples here who have shared some really inspiring accounts of their practice.

*big happy hug*