I'm helpless and need your support. I don't want an orgasm at all!

Submitted by noiseman on
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Hello Friends.
This is my first post but i've read lots of this forum. My problem is proabobly caused by overmasturbatioan over the years. Now I'm completly lost. I become premature (very very guick), have rings in eyes and can't sleep. I met fantastic woman and I want to merry her but our sexual contacts are disaster. I tried to learn some breathing methods, Kegel exercisies, start-stop etc, etc but i'ts useless if you cant hold the ejaculation twenty second... I know it is caused by overmasturbation, tons of porn movies and I regrets all of this years. I was a sex addict and now i suffer the consequences. We had tried karezza but i was ejaculated too. I don't want to take antidepresant, it kills me.
I'm looking for someone who lead me through the recovery cause I believie there must be some solution to fix me.
So Friends, if you have familiar expiriences and you recovered, please HELP ME :( What to do to strenghten my organism? How to start the healing process?
Thank you in advance
Ps.
Sory for my english

I recently

begam to prematurely ejaculate myself. I believe it is a result of excessive masturbation as well. So I feel like we have similar situations. Likewise, I want to stop ejaculation altogether--or at least curb it to 3 or 4 times per year.

There is no doubt in my mind that removal of porn and masturbation and ejaculation is the pathway we must take to heal. Please keep active in this forum, at least it will help me!

Thanks.

David

First of all don't give up.

In the beginning quitting porn is difficult. You will relapse. It just happens to all of us. A great first step is to delete any porn you have saved on your computer and install a porn blocker for your browser. Throw away all physical porn, magazines or dvds. Put them in the dumpster where they belong. These are your first lines of defense.

Once you have no porn you are now ready to quit masturbation cold turkey. Use the "Face it and Replace it" technique when you are having cravings. That means have *something else* to do with your time other than wanking to porn. Don't be too hard on yourself if you masturbate again. Many people have quit by gradually reducing the days they masturbate. From every day to once a week is a lot of progress. *Any* progress is good.

The solution that will fix your problem must come from within. Your resolve to continue on this path will lead to you becoming healthy again and achieving erection. It will happen faster than you may realize once you are able to quit porn and masturbation. You are *not* helpless. You can do this.

Your English is fine

I'm sorry you're suffering. This problem is not unusual, and it seems to pass. It will take time .

Is your partner willing to take things very slowly? You could start with bonding behaviors without karezza for a few weeks. That might help stabilize things, and it would comfort you both in the meantime.

Maybe you could try these together while you wait:

Thirty-one playful, affectionate behaviors for couples: http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/Bonding.Behaviors.pdf

If your partner wants to know more about them, have a look at these articles.

“The Lazy Way to Stay in Love”
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200909/the-laz...
“Relationship Advice: De-stress With Your Mate Using Bonding Behaviors”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marnia-robinson/relationship-advice-de-st_...

I know it's hard, but be patient. Stay optimistic. And remember that loving contact is one of the best anti-anxiety drugs there is. So if you can exchange affection with her...while giving your brain a rest from sexual activity...you may be surprised at how quickly you feel better.

Can you see her every day?

*big hug* And start a blog if you like: http://www.reuniting.info/resources/bloggers

thx.

Thank You for your support and all tips. Today I have just started new life. I removed all of porn from my hard drive, and started thinking optimistic. I know it won't be easy. I feel the urge to ejaculate all the time but have to do something because masturbation leads to nowere. But I masturbate not just for the pleasure. I do this only to unload the tension and move for a while the urge to ejaculate. All that for one minute longer sexual intercourse with Maja. It's sick. I know that. But I know also that my beautiful woman never had an orgasm during our intercourse and it frustrates me. I want to do anything I can to help myself recover natural balance. I can see Maja 16 days a month - we live each other but 2 weeks I'm away at work. Should I take any suplements to help my nurotransmiters restore balance? I was thinking about acupuncture but I there is no specialists in my districts. Please don't hesitate to give me any advice. I'm desperated to change my sexual life!

Congratulations

on taking that step. You're right that after awhile dopamine dysregulation (addiction) shows up as an urge to release tension, rather than as a search for pleasure. It's a nasty trick. But your brain will come into balance and your sexual response will become more normal. You don't have to *do* anything. It's just a matter of *not doing.* Wink

Honestly, giving Maja an orgasm doesn't need to be as big a priority as you think. You may find she appreciates your loving attention in other ways. Lots of affectionate generous touch is good too. Does she like massage? Smile In any case, there are other ways to produce orgasms in women if you are both convinced that her happiness depends on them.

There isn't a quick fix to your problem, so "desperation" can just add to your stress. That said, some people have had good results from taking fish oil capsules. Are you taking those? Cutting back on sugar and alcohol? That can help too.

When will you next be together with Maja?

Perfect evening today?

Thank You for your help and commitment. We live together so we can see each other this evening. I'm going to intitiate so called "perfect evening": candels, massage, good wine and I hope to convince her going to bed and enjoy karreza as long as possible. Taking shark oil is a good idea but I don't think it helps much. Anyway I'll try.

Sounds like a great start

We found that even if karezza "works" the first time, it's easy to get very goal-oriented. We found it useful to start out with about two weeks of "just non-intercourse bonding behaviors," and even after we added intercourse into the mix, we found it useful to not have intercourse every time we were intimate (but definitely to get in some good snuggling!).

See http://www.reuniting.info/resources/exchange_of_the_day for ideas