Question about homosexuality?

Submitted by Celeste on
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Are homosexuals welcome on this site? I ask because this section somewhat implies that being gay is a result of too much porn or the wrong outlook or what-have-you. I'm gay myself (lesbian actually) and I don't see it as a problem. In fact, pornography has made me feel bad about being gay and if anything has made me have constant unpleasant images in my head of being used by a man. I think porn does that to a lot of people, it teaches us that whatever our comfort level is, it isn't enough. We have to do more to be useful/worthwhile. It was devastating to my self-worth at least.

It's strange though because I can relate to a lot of these "what if I'm turning gay" topics from the reverse side. I don't desire any activity with men and never have but porn makes me feel like I'm worthless because of it and like the only worth women CAN have is their ability to get men off. So I guess, I can relate to the feeling like my own sexual feelings are being consumed by whatever I've seen in porn, but from the other side. I want to make sure that gay people are welcome here and that I won't be discriminated against here. I want to make sure it's okay for me to be here. Thanks.

I have no doubt

that you will be embraced with open arms Celeste. I think the posts you have seen regarding "am I turning gay" are really about the panic we men feel when we don't feel good about our sexual health. When the brain is playing tricks on us, we tend to get kind of scared.

Frankly, I find this group one of the most open and supportive I have ever seen. The topic of too much porn/masturbatio/orgasm is a tricky one, so it's bound to border on the controversial at times.

Welcome. In fact, I think the group will benefit greatly from having a gay person's perspective. Your post already was helpful when you mentioned how porn keeps trying to "ramp up" the shock value......I sometimes miss that that is happening.

David

Homosexuality.

Thanks David.

I completely agree that porn messes things up. I don't think porn made me gay...after all I was gay before I ever saw porn! Porn has given me a lot of insecurities about who I am as a person though and I know it can confuse people about their orientations. An old male friend of mine thought he was gay because he watched a lot of porn and figured that the fact that he was *gasp* ALREADY 16 and hadn't had a girlfriend. Porn really makes it look like having lots of sex with lots of women makes you a man and not doing that makes you gay. *Sigh* I also know a man who thinks he's gay sometimes because he likes giving oral sex to women and apparently porn claims that's un-heterosexual. It's so sad how people can doubt themselves based on complete bs that the industry pushes on them, isn't it?

*sigh*

Extreme synthetic stimulation certainly seems to have the power to mess with brain maps. Wish we knew more about this as a culture.

I'm not sure this is the right place but...

I think a lot of this stuff about "turning gay" or being worried about watching gay porn is just the urge to break taboos. There's a natural desire - you can see it in kids especially - to push the limit, to break the rules (eg. child draws on the wall when they know they're not supposed to). This is an evolutionary desire, because curiosity and being an iconoclast are likely adaptive traits to a certain extent. Now I realize that being gay isn't really taboo anymore, but in many people's psyches it still is.

I think most people have a desire to do things that are forbidden; for some this desire is stronger than others. Add to that the addictive nature of porn, and I can see 'straight' people having problems with gay imagery. My advice to those people would be to get off porn, but not to worry too much about their sexuality.

So it's not so much that these people are gay; it's the draw of the forbidden. At least that's my thought...

As far as your reception here goes, I imagine that it will be supportive, though I'm sure people will be discussing "turning gay" and being born gay. It might be irksome.

PS: Of course, some people do discover accept that they're gay much later in life, but from my experience they know on some level that they were gay for most of their lives.

Porn.

I guess that makes sense. A friend of mine who is an ex-porn actress told me that the porn was designed to addict people. They show you something mild that you can "handle" like simple intercourse between opposite sex people and then they push it farther and farther. As the addiction grows you need to be "shocked" more which is why people end up looking not just at the gay and transsexual stuff but also the really violent stuff. I never looked at male homosexual stuff but I ended up looking at twincest, SERIOUSLY violent anti-women stuff, and even stuff I later found out (after watching) was non-consensual and involved underage actors. It's sad how I could see all that and have no idea what I was viewing. Granted the underage porn I saw involved a 17-year-old, not a young child so it was a reasonable mistake I made since it wasn't marked as "illegal" obviously. I don't know if it's still up or not though. I'm not going to go looking for it in order to report it, but I think it was eventually taken down.

I know my own homosexuality isn't porn-based though and I just hope that'll be okay for here. I respect others who believe their homosexual feelings come from porn as long as they respect that mine don't.

I suspect I speak for most of us

when I say we're fine with your sexual orientation. In fact, you don't need to mention it in every post if you don't want to. Wink

We're happy to have your observations on your own recovery and earlier experiences with porn. It adds to our collective wisdom.

What things do you think have helped you the most?

Welcome Celeste

You are quite welcome here. You will have much to contribute I am sure and hopefully can learn a thing or two! Smile Bonding is bonding, no matter the gender of your partner! Post away! Smile