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Submitted by Jesse on
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Christine and I are in our mid-sixties. Our sex life varied between good and great for almost forty years. But about four years ago, she totally lost her libido and intercourse is painful for her. So we became celibate and I entered the world of solitary porn/masturbation/orgasm. About a month ago, I discovered this site and immediately dropped the porn and our relationship has improved dramatically in most every way. Our love has been rekindled and we have fantastic bonding sessions. But the sex is limited to her giving me hand-jobs -- short of ejaculation. This is great, but I would love to have "real" sex with her again. Can anyone provide any guidance to us?

It sounds like her libido is

It sounds like her libido is already coming back--that is wonderful!

If you don't already have some, I highly recommend "Liquid Silk" (a lubricant)--that could make intercourse so much more pleasurable for her~~there are also some hormone creams and such for post-menopausal women, but I'm not familiar with how they work, etc.

Happy bonding~~


Thanks for the suggestions.

Thanks for the suggestions. We're already using "Silk" and have tried a cream (unpleasant side effect.) Things are already GREAT -- perhaps we should just embrace the "now" and stop seeking for more. BTW, I have really enjoyed following your blog, rediscovered.

Jesse, have you used the

Jesse, have you used the Liquid Silk *on* her (i.e., with your fingers)? I ask because just the feel of that stuff on me is enough to get me going, lol! It feels so...lovely.

And thank you~~I need to update my blog with my latest adventures!


Another couple here

said they use jojoba oil for their frequent connections. Another friend, a woman 57, said that she uses a bit of vitamin D as a vaginal suppository daily, and that it has relieved her dryness (which had been a problem for a decade). I don't know anything about that; I merely pass it on.

My thought is that you may not want to rush things. Let her desire build. Chances are that she was feeling a good bit of discomfort before she called a halt in the past. Her nervous system may need time to undo associations between intercourse and pain.

Also, if you do begin to have intercourse again, it can be helpful to the woman do it fairly frequently, but extremely keep things "oiled." Wink

I'll chime in here - the

I'll chime in here - the level of 'juciness' is directly related to the amount of time spent kanoodling - the longer the before intercourse the better. I need at least 1/2 hour of 'above the waist' sex to get juicy.

I do think being fully hydrated helps a lot, too.


Because life is not about who you were, it is about who you are becoming.

Jojoba oil

After doing a bit of research on Jojoba oil, I picked up a bottle today. We've been using virgin coconut oil for dry skin (elbows, feet, ankles), but Jojoba sounds even better. And if it's got sex-lube properties without staining the sheets, all the more better!


Love is a many splendored thing.

Your wife could try eating

Your wife could try eating black sesame seeds, which increase yin and lubrication, as well as any wild seaweeds, like wakame or hijiki. I started eating them for their high mineral content and upon doing further research, found out they are also yin building. Whenever I am consistent with seaweed, I am always super wet all the time, which makes for easy access but is not the same thing as being aroused, so it can be confusing for the guy.

Black sesame and qigong and sacral tapping

My wife has been drinking black sesame tea and eating the seeds according to directions provided by Master Chunyi Lin in his Spring Forest Qigong (level two) materials. She has been doing it (for other reasons) for about six months pretty regularly. We also practice various sorts of qigong every day. Furthermore, about two weeks ago we started practicing karezza. We cannot sort out the various reasons for improvement, but we have both experienced startling increases in our sexual energies and my wife is suddenly getting as juicy during intercourse as she was twenty years ago after many years of dryness and pain. Master Lin says that one of his level one qigong exercises (tapping the sacral area) is particularly good for increasing sexual energy.

Another lubricant

Just wanted to point out that the Richardsons recommend almond oil in "Tantric Sex for Men."

"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Answer to Jesse's question: Yes!

The key for me, a 63 year old woman, has been, like Quizure, above the waist. Read "Tantric Orgasm for Women" by Diane Richardson. Richardson has the key piece of information that a woman's positive pole of sexual energy is her breasts. Enough attention to the breasts and the vagina, the negative pole, starts to respond--with energy and with lubrication.

Hold the breasts for a long time. I found it surprisingly comforting when we first tried it, just as he finds my holding his penis comforting. Do it at bedtime when you don't plan union. Do it in spoon. Do it with her just lying face up between your legs. She'll love it, I predict. It's enough to do it for that reason, but I believe it will make a difference with lubrication, too.

"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson