I figured something out about myself recently, I can even remember saying this thing aloud, and then forgot about it.
I think that ultimately, sex isn't something I care that much about, it's importance is illusory. Of course, superficially it feels like it is of the utmost importance due to what is gained, and I really don't think it's that different for anybody else. What I do think, is that the perception of what is gained, not what you're actually trying to get.
I think when many of us are vulnerable to the flattery of attention, sex seems like a reinforcer of worth. If someone wants our bodies, then we must be valuable. Then, we become addicted to that "high" that we perceive to be held in the orgasm. I've given this a lot of time and thought, and I can now say that the high is not in the orgasm. The orgasm is simultaneously the peak and end of that high, and ultimately the death of the connection that we are all trying to achieve in our escapades. That is why no matter how intense or good the orgasm is, we are soon seeking it out again.
Now being more aware of this, I have made note that lovemaking without orgasm continues on after the act. This is something I have read about (Left-handed Tantra and Taoist Dual-Cultivation), but not experienced or been previously aware of. Because you never really 'finish' making love, that energy you build, layer upon layer, is sustained. It flows beautifully through every limb and every action, soon enough every part of interaction becomes lovemaking. The power of this phenomena cannot be overstated, as I have experienced it.
It far surpasses any kind of ecstasy I've known, I can only imagine what it must feel like to be present in every moment, and actively cultivate that energy. To be aware and not lost totally in what my body is feeling. I have begun to experience this without trying, simply by being aware and not being too concerned with driving toward a goal. At first, I could not understand what I was reading, but now I understand it completely.
Last night I lie awake and thought about this, pulling the energy from my pelvis and up my spine. Eventually it exited out my eyes in a stream of tears and I was at peace. The pure energy of it was so beautiful that I mourned that it ever had to leave, and longed to feel it not just during those moments of physical union, but all the time.