To all people with social anxiety

Submitted by fireburns1 on
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To everybody with social anxiety who has done the experiment and/or knows anything about what going porn/masturbation/orgasm sober does to help or hurt your social anxiety and if there's anything you can do about it please respond. I personally have done this experiment for 3 weeks and it made me calmer but i still feel anxiety around others that i cant seem to shake. I've been all alone in my room for the last 5 years and i hate the way my life is. I really hope to God that this is the solution, so can someone please give me they're imput on this matter. Any input is very much appreciated. Please respond.

I have had social anxiety

I have had social anxiety for many years. Abstaining helps a lot but it's not a magic pill. You still need to work at it and get yourself out there. I am learning this as we speak. Besides, it's much more fun. I'm nearly three weeks in and I still have my ups and downs. I'm feeling anxious today so be it. The best part of it all is that you will feel more balanced. I've noticed that my nervous thoughts and OCD type behavior decreases considerably. My outlook on life is so much more better and I feel like abstaining was the missing ingredient that I needed to move forward in my life. Before I stopped p/m I had such a desperate/hopeless insecurity that I never realized was much do to p/m. Abstaining is like finding the keys to the car, all you have to is start the damn thing. It's up to you how fast or slowly you want to drive. Either way, you are going somewhere. And isn't that 100 times better than where you were before?

Have you tried

going out in public and seeing whether you can look anyone in the eye or smile at them to try to get them to smile back?

Don't just sit there. Smile Go try it and let us know what happens. It's OK if it doesn't work the first time.

Believe me, what you're going through is not all that rare. It's a shame that newly recovering addicts can't go to "camp" for a couple of weeks to get lots of hugs and heartfelt discussions with those who care and understand. Meanwhile, join as many support groups as feel good to you. There are online ones, of course, but recovery programs with real people would be even better.

There are also great social anxiety online support groups. Dig around. Work on all angles at once.

You can learn the necessary skills. The great thing about having a problem, is that you're automatically part of a group that has it (if you want to be). So take full advantage and get connected with your fellow humans.

We've missed you. And are glad you're making an effort to rejoin the human race.

*big hug*

Social Anxiety

I had bad social anxiety. I still struggle with it, but it's getting much better. Cutting back on porn/masturbation has definitely helped! But, as vm22 said, it's not "a magic pill." I stumbled upon a customer service job where I had to interact with a lot of people, and that helped expose me to my fear. A little exposure therapy.

Marnia, this iimaginary hug camp sounds like the best thing ever. Haha.

Cheers!

It basically cured me of

It basically cured me of social anxiety, but if I would get off the wagon it would probably reappear. That is my experience from before. Amazing that something like this can make such a huge difference. I was never into porn though, so maybe it will take you guys longer to get the same benefit. And I also don't know to what extent I suffered, compared to you for example, but I remember how on some days of being post-O I didn't want to leave the house even for a walk or going to the store to buy food because meeting people in the streets was awkward. And riding the tube into town was nerve-racking. Now I like striking up convos with strangers (depending on the day) and being social. In fact, being asocial makes me uncomfortable on some days instead. But I've always been both an extrovert and introvert. And I have to add that I still get uncomfortable and awkward if I like some people and I interpret them as not liking me, or they trigger me somehow - but I'm much more grounded and confident these days and brush things off faster and more easily. Much thanks to the big O (oxytocin that is Wink ) and balanced dopamine.

So I'd say you should be optimistic! And yes, you do have to practice practice practice, too... You relearn by doing.

Congratulations

on your progress. It can be so comforting to realize you have a tool for overcoming (or even decreasing) anxiety.

I think most of us still feel awkward when triggered. Part of being a tribal primate, I guess. Wink

Agree with what others are saying

Keep abstaining, but don't worry too much about a relapse, and instead concentrate on how you can socialise more. If you've kept yourself in your room all the time just get out, even if you don't talk to anyone or meet anyone new (at first) just get out and rediscover the world out there.

Oh and turn the TV and computer off. That also helps... rediscover your own life!

Don't panic :P

I have to confess that I don't enjoy having social relations most of the times. Do you know totally associal/timid gig children who don't look into your eyes and don't talk at all and go watching documanteries instead of playing with you? I have been one of these ones until I was 10 years old. My social relations is limited with flirting and chating with girls while I was in high school, and even today, I am not a big fan of social connections. I usually prefer to do research, read a book and do gig stuff instead of passing time with others.

Why I tell you all about me? Interestingly, my social contact with sexually attractive girls (and accordingly with other people) is getting far better after I abstained porn for more than 2 mouths. Now, for example, I am exchanging smiles, sight etc... with the cute girls, who I see first time in my life, in metro, bus and streets. Actually, I am doing these fast-food flirting for fun, instead of reading papers listening music while traveling now. I felt thrill for a very short slice of time for a girl in the library last week, when I accidentally touched her arm (first for years). It was very short, but I stayed to talk about hair styles and other boring stuff, instead of going to cafeteria to talk about work, sports and other things that I like to talk with my friends. In addition to this, that new hunger for social exchange with real girls affected my relations in positive ways with the other people as well. I pass more time with others. This my late-socialization is noticed by many people around me too and people start to act more positively to me.

In short; I can be little be an extreme case of being asocial, still believe me you will better with the girls that you are now. Maybe you have to look later on the bonding advice of Marnia, too for better relationship, fasten things. (I still can't try with a girlfriend yet, but you can do some of these with every cute girls around you, like I am doing now). Besides, you will see that your burden to keep away from P/M/O became easier when there is some girls around you. (Really) :P

Good Luck

Thanks Thris

I'm sure your words mean a lot more to the men here than my nagging. Wink

I'm glad you're noticing a change. I'm not just glad for you, but also for the people around you whose days are brighter because of your smiles.