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Hi!

I'm encountering a large amount of anger at the lack of interest locally in healing approaches to intimacy. I did some experimenting in elucidating the connection between love and healing in my workplace (it has a strong connection to social and environmental healing). I had a large amount of support from staff for it. When I made a very cautious request for support for networking within the healing community, I got virtually no response and a very clear "you're on your own" from the one man who was very supportive of a mural I created. I feel frustrated because I've exhausted every other avenue for local support and am dealing with some pretty intense health issues.

So my experiment in connecting love and healing in the workplace is now closed. I've learnt some important lessons about fear and denial.

Do any of you get pissed off at the freaken Cro-Magnon communities that we live in or is it just this God Forsaken town (the words of a friend of mine who was born and raised here).

Cheers,

"Arnold".

I can understand your anger,

I can understand your anger, at their apparent lack of interest, it's more likely based in fear. Fear of admitting that their own love relationships are not all that filled with love.

For the most part, people at my office (which is in a health care field) *never* talk about their romantic/sexual relationships in a positive light. All I ever spontaneously hear are the complaints. She's so stupid that... He never . He's always drunk . She's cheating . . Ball & Chain ... Old Lady . . They will talk about how their children (at the right age) have fallen in love and are getting married - it's kind of a wistful thing. But their comments about their own relationships are usually negative, or non existent. I have yet to hear someone talk nicely about their partners at work.

Funny how it's considered 'ok' to complain about your partner, but to talk about them in glowing terms is somehow rude. Maybe it's considered bragging, and that makes it rude?

My own boss, who was only married once, briefly, 30 years ago, *still* complains about her ex.

Quizure

Because life is not about who you were, it is about who you are becoming.

My thought

is that people don't feel comfortable sharing personal lives with colleagues. They would probably be more open to creating the kind of circle you envision with those they *don't* work with.

Want to share an image of the mural?? If not, I totally understand.

Mural

Hi,

Yep. I get that people don't like sharing personal stuff with colleagues. My sense is that it would start to break down the "us against the world" stuff that is so common in marriages and romantic relationships. It would also mean that we would have to find a way to treat each other well at a financial level. Scary concept. It would start to expose the sexual politics in the workplace too. I've really had enough of those dynamics. I've done my time and paid for it. This particular workplace is way out on the leading edge of dealing with the financial aspects of sustainability and does alot to promote agricultural sustainability which has very strong financial aspects to it but I guess my particular request was just too much.

My mural was really a very clear expose of my values. It was a HUGE contrast with the military values which I grew up in. Big step for me and uncovered alot of anger and grief in myself over the values of my family of origin as maintained my father, our country and the military.

I'll see what I can do about sharing the mural with you. I'm not sure how to post photos here, but I'll do a bit of exploring over the weekend.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Cheers,

"Arnold"

Photo

I'll take some pictures of it this weekend and see what happens. It's likely to be a bit of a challenge as it's mostly quotes and a few simple drawings. Not sure if it'll be readable that way. I'll figure out something.

Cheers,

"Arnold"

All analysis aside...

Wink ~

Yeah... along with the mural image... I'd like to know...

What does "connecting love and sustainability" look like? Can you describe it? How would others interact? What words would be said? What feelings would there be? I don't necessarily wonder what actions would NOT be present or what would NOT be experienced... as that is just more emphasis on the shit we already know ... (and by the way... anger....? I feel it. ) I stopped expecting it to be any different and just wanted to get the hell out, ya know?

But, might I suggest that the experiment might be 'closed' but the fact you hold the energy you do is assuredness that the world needs it. (because YOU need it) It sucks, royally to have to be what you wanna see in others and have to be it first when there was no model before you. But in light of "creation" or "creating" - so often when others create things... it's an improvement of what was done before... or we hold an idea of what was done before and think how to do it differently.

How does one create something from nothing? Is that even possible? Or is it that we let arise within without labeling it what comes from within. (New energy not available unless permitted entry by allowing) Probably something we wouldn't even notice, either, because of our human need to be validated (and rightfully so, we *are* in relationship with others) but ...since so many people have lost sight of who they really are and treat each other with such ignorant disregard (pardon' me) - it's all the more reason that I'd like to see, hear, feel your vision of things.

I'm betting that *something* deep inside me will resonate with it... I'm just bettin'. Wink

Smile - I like to call it "Righteous Anger". Others call me "Arrogant and Bitter", it is what it is.

Thank you for your anger? (*thinks about that statement*) Yeah, I *do* mean that. HUH!) And, thank you for your Vision, Daffy

Love and Sustainability

Hi Daffy,

That's very simple. Sustainability is doing what we need to do now to meet our own needs without compromising the needs of future generations. That means caring about someone other than our own short term indulgence. It involves becoming more conscious of how what I do now affects others. It also involves being more conscious of what I need now. Caring for others is obviously love. Making what I'm doing now count for me is also love. It's love of me and it's crucial for sustainability related projects.

There are two kinds of errors that we commit. The obvious one is waste. The less obvious one is martyrdom. Both are off my understanding of a sustainable direction and both are "Calls for love". Love is right down the middle. There are so many ways of relating and doing things that are connected to sustainability that I won't even attempt to describe them here. They are generally more focussed on our physical and natural environment, but they have a strong social component (which is women's stuff and usually mostly ignored) and an even stronger personal component (which unfortunately is generally unmentioned and totally ignored).

Karezza is half way between sexual indulgence and sexual abstinence. It's careful. It's conscious. Hence loving.

Now if only I could find a woman who was interested in a healing approach to intimacy, I might get to check out what it's actually like.

Thanks for honouring my anger. It helps me figure out when I need to love myself which usually involves disconnecting from painful relationships. I'm getting better at it.

I also feel alot of pain. The pain is actually deeper than the anger but I don't feel safe enough to feel it much amongst people.

Thanks for your interest in my vision. I do tend to see ways of being that others don't. It hurts because I think my message is a good one. It also hurts because I can't participate in the normal sexual politics of our culture without getting severely messed up. I need something completely different. Sigh!

It's good to be able to write here because otherwise my frustration might end up in the wrong place and do some unwanted damage. Thanks for listening.

Love, your friend,

"Arnold"

PS: I love your new icon.

Maybe....

Hi Marnia,

I have uncovered a very important past life while doing some hypnotherapy quite a few years ago. It comes up as a recurring theme in my healing process. It wasn't directly related to Karezza but it was about a culture that had a very different and far more human, friendly, and cooperative approach to sexuality and nature. The connection between our spiritual life and the forest was intense. Unfortunately we weren't armed to the teeth (we apparently didn't see the need) and so were wiped out by an aggressive and much more militant invading culture. It was a key life preceding this one as I saw myself as the leader and took on a huge amount of anger and grief. Much of this current illness of mine seems to be about resolving that trauma.

You might know something about ancient celtic sexual habits. (I'm guessing around the time of the druids). From everything I've heard so far, my memories of that past life fit with recorded history.

Cheers,

Arnold.

That's quite a story

And I guess the best revenge is learning how to be healthy whatever it takes. Good luck working through it all.

Actually, I don't know a lot about that culture. My sense was that the focus was on fertility, but I'd love to know more. There were versions of The Great Mystery religion in many cultures way back when, and there are echoes that there was more to the union of male and female than mere fertility in some of them. Who knows where the Druids fit in?

Health

Yep,

I agree. Thanks for letting me vent here a bit. It's far healthier than trying to communicate with people who aren't interested or imploding on myself and self destructing. I've done that alot.

If I run across anything about the sexual habits of the ancient celts, I'll let you know. In my memory, the notion of monogamous nuclear couple seemed absent. The sense of tribe, however, was very strong and the personal connections with many people were deep.

Handfasting

Hi Marnia,

Not sure. Wikipedia seems to think it was a traditional European form of marriage (temporary or permanent). A link on that page says that it was in use from about 1200 AD in Scotland and northern England to the early 1500's. It seems like an early version of engagement to me.

Cheers,

Arnold

Hi Arnold,

"... It also involves being more conscious of what I need now. Caring for others is obviously love. Making what I'm doing now count for me is also love. It's love of me and it's crucial for sustainability related projects."

EXACTLY, NO QUESTIONS ASKED! Wink

Being conscious of our own needs is the only true way to care for others.

"There are two kinds of errors that we commit. The obvious one is waste. The less obvious one is martyrdom. Both are off my understanding of a sustainable direction and both are "Calls for love". Love is right down the middle. There are so many ways of relating and doing things that are connected to sustainability that I won't even attempt to describe them here. They are generally more focussed on our physical and natural environment, but they have a strong social component (which is women's stuff and usually mostly ignored) and an even stronger personal component (which unfortunately is generally unmentioned and totally ignored)"

Very interesting...
We should be more socially focused, no? Womens stuff? Hmmm... sounds like good old nurturing if ya ask me. Yes, ignored are the social and personal components...

"Thanks for honouring my anger. It helps me figure out when I need to love myself which usually involves disconnecting from painful relationships. I'm getting better at it."

No problem... I know what it means to need to honor my own anger. And you're right... anger happens when someone has violated our boundaries. I deserve to not be emotionally manipulated or abandoned and it is my right to EXPECT emotional intimacy, as well. ~~~!!!~~~ so if people violate our boundaries of emotional distance, for example, it's normal, natural and necessary to get angry. And then if we allow ourselves to process that anger (feel the anger) without over identification with it, then yes, we will certainly come out of it knowing how to protect our own boundaries, and knowing what our real needs are...and knowing who to talk to and who not to. Good you are getting better at it, Arnold. Yes.

"I also feel alot of pain. The pain is actually deeper than the anger but I don't feel safe enough to feel it much amongst people."

Yes... I know what you mean. Oftentimes I have to get myself away from others to process my feelings. Feeling safe to do that is a MAJOR PRIORITY, for me.

"Thanks for your interest in my vision. I do tend to see ways of being that others don't. It hurts because I think my message is a good one."

Yes. It is.

It also hurts because I can't participate in the normal sexual politics of our culture without getting severely messed up. I need something completely different. Sigh!

I threw "normal sexual politics" out with the politicians and religious folks LONG AGO. Hey Arnold?

Just a suggestion: PLEASE FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION! PLEASE BE THAT SOMETHING DIFFERENT. (laughing out loud!) Honestly though, if you aren't it who will? We unfortunately gotta dig deep within and be what we wanna see. If we can envision it, then we've already created it, in the most real way.

"It's good to be able to write here because otherwise my frustration might end up in the wrong place and do some unwanted damage. Thanks for listening."

You're welcome. Writing here IS good for that, isn't it? Good you are conscious of not wanting to do damage... you're a step ahead of most, dear friend. Be yourself, the world needs it. OK? Maybe if I could get that through my thick head I'd be better off too... I should take my own advice, huh? Here's to progress!

Love, Daffy

Thanks

Thanks Daffy,

You're really sweet. Thanks for your thoughts on anger. I read a book recently about how patriarchal organizations deny anger to all but the person in power (John Bradshaw's "Creating Love"). Families are no exception. My anger tends to come from such a deep place (it takes a while to get to my "No!"), that I fear being retaliated against in any number of ways. It has happened and I have fought back but it's not a great place to be. I long for easier, more loving connections. People who actively take an interest in that at the depth I require to flourish are decidedly few and far between.

"I threw "normal sexual politics" out with the politicians and religious folks LONG AGO. Hey Arnold? "

I'm glad that you did. I still struggle fairly frequently with that one. The longing for nurturing that comes from that unmet need in my very early youth (and by the current relief I get when I'm successful at fulfilling it these days) gets triggered in me by warm-hearted and deeply pissed off (read 'power hungry') women. Finding ways to nurture myself by myself and/or by non-sexual partners is either expensive or extremely challenging. Men don't generally go there at all and women are very challenging to keep on track. I do have a couple of healing touch buddies and am actively looking for more connections of this nature. It's not easy. That unmet survival need from childhood sets me up to be vulnerable to women's politics. It's subtle but incredibly powerful, very hurtful, and difficult to get out of. Sometimes I wonder what a mother must look like to a newborn. I get something that wavers between a loving goddess the size of Mount Everest and the foot that's coming down to crush you when you are an ant. I think that dyad still operates somewhere inside of me sometimes.

Thanks for seeing the value in my message. I'm touched.

Love, your friend,

Arnold.

Thanks Guys

Nice to hear form you again DD and to be introduced to your thinking Arnold

I'm just pissy these days, not healthy boundry protecting anger, just pissy....funny how a nice little wank session makes that just go away.......

Dancing

Dancing to Brightest Star by the Subdudes is helpful

http://ilike.myspacecdn.com/play#The+Subdudes:Brightest+Star:1220659:s33...

In the middle of a winter’s day
I feel a little bit cloudy and grey
There’s a riddle standin’ in the way
How a man can have so many things
Underneath the Christmas tree
And still not have what he needs

In My hour of darkness
Find me, find me
Look up to the sky
Find me, find me
Find me the brightest star
And wish for you and I

Watch over the seeds you sow
If you want to see the children grow
You got to give them love and let them go

Remember what the cricket said
Everything you heart desires
Will come to you in it’s own time

In My hour of darkness
Find me, find me
Look up to the sky
Find me, find me
Find me the brightest star
And wish for you and I

Wish I may, wish I might

My hour of darkness
Find me, find me
Look up to the sky
Find me, find me
It might be the finest hour
Find me, find me
I wish that you were mine

Wish I may, wish I might

So don’t forget to bow your head
And imagine more than what you see
‘After all life is but a dream

Y'all be bright stars to me

I'm a little mystified!

Hi AC and MR,

I get who DD is but don't have a clue who CF is!

It seems like there is something of a community around Karezza here, but I'm kind of confused how to participate and still stay on track with meeting my own needs. I kind of bounce in and bounce out once in a blue moon. When I'm away, I'm doing what I can to 1. get healthy and/or stay healthy. 2. find a partner who will hang in there for a 3 week stint of the non-sexual Exchanges (it's much more difficult than I thought so I pursue a variety of avenues locally and elsewhere). 3. Keep work afloat. 4. Create a sense of community around me that shares my values (Love, Consciousness, Healing...)

These days my anger is flaring again. It's important to deal with it as I suspect it affects my health quite strongly and my health hasn't been good recently. I found a woman who said that she'd be into 3 weeks of the non-sexual Exchanges, but her life doesn't seem to lend itself well to a project of this magnitude. Sooner or later, I'm going to have to see if she was just attempting to save the day and didn't quite get what it entailed or if she's still considering her offer and needs to prepare some more. With any luck, I'll see her tomorrow.

What's up with blogging? Do community members comment on each other's blogs? Are blogs open only to people with accounts here or the whole internet world? Do you have to be exploring the Exchanges rather than exploring the difficulties in finding a partner in order to blog? Do you have to be into sex or can healing be the most important theme?

Cheers,

A. Smile

PS: Thanks for the link to the song, AC

Welcome back

You've been enabled to blog for ages (just like Dorothy and the Ruby Slippers Wink ). Go to "Members' blogs" on the left, and click. You should see My Blog.

Everyone comments on everyone else's blogs...unless the blogger prefers not. In that case, he should put that at the top. I can also close comments if someone posts a comment by mistake.

*fingers crossed* for the new lady!

The Subdudes

are fun. Any drumming you hear on their tracks is an amplified tambourine!
CF is Curious Fellow
I am more 'out' than 'in' around here myself. The intensity of my need for sex has dropped way off and so have all of the related issues. Of late, thinking about creating posts takes me away from the precious present moment. Then when I do show up, I don't take the tiime to write.
I thank Marnia and Gary for holding this healing space and to all of the people who have read and contributed.
Peace

Thanks Marnia

Networking is important to me as finding people who share my interest in healing at the depth that the Exchanges seems to touch is challenging. I've run into so many closed doors its ridiculous.

OK, I'll give this blogging thing a whirl. It should help diffuse some of my frustration. I'll warn you, I'm going start out somewhere around day 1572. That's about how long I've been exploring your ideas and looking for ways to experiment with the Exchanges. Sigh.

Cheers,

Arnold

Yeah,

takes two to tango. Sad

But look at the bright side. At least you don't have a porn addiction like most of the visitors here.

Porn addiction

Yes, that is a good thing. I get how it could easily be addictive. In my case, the fear overrides the attraction so it takes a fairly strong motivation to go after porn at all. This momma's boy stuff is really powerful. I think my history as a military brat adds to it too. Anything that is even mildly illegal (such as driving more than 5 km over the speed limit) is too much for me. Porn gets a bit too close for comfort for me to the line of what's legal and what's not.