New blog, new idea

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Yesterday, I found out that Alternet, a popular online magazine, had lifted and renamed two of my blog posts from my "The Good Men Project" blog. I found out by accident. The comments of readers got very colorful. Smile Finally, today I posted a few replies.

If you want to throw in your two cents' worth, go here:
"How Porn Can Hijack Your Brain"

or here: "How to Trick Your Brain into Liking Sex With Only One Person"

In the process of registering to comment, I also set up a blog on Alternet. I'm thinking it would be a good place for me to share some of the insights that you guys are coming up with. So much wisdom flows through the Reuniting forum, and a lot of it is polished enough to deserve more readers. I fully understand your desire to remain anonymous, and probably wouldn't even include your Reuniting usernames, unless you would like me to.

Anyway, just to test the new blog, I threw one of my recent articles up there: Feel free to leave a comment.

My thought is to do posts that are basically your comments, too. This can work two ways. First, I can suggest that someone's post(s) on Reuniting might make a good post via PM to see if you agree. Second, if you want something you've written to be considered, just PM me with a link. As many of the topics are timeless, feel free to pull up something from the past, too.

I'll try to add a picture, and I'll tweet it. But it will be challenging to publicize it, so if you then have a place to share a link to the blog, you may want to do so.

I'm convinced we're all learning something important together. It's really inspiring to see you guys returning to balance, gaining confidence, charming new partners, restoring your erectile health, etc. This is a way we can share this with the world in an informal way.

I read a few of the comments

I read a few of the comments and then started wondering what Alternet is? Is it a website for "alternative lifestyles" or open relationships?

Anyway, it didn't feel very warm and cozy over there, so I'm afraid I didn't stay long, lol~


You, madam, are a Feminazi...

Hi Marnia--I've been away from reuniting for some time, but I read this alternet post, and I wanted to see whether you had mentioned it here. Persons who comment on alternet, especially the sex/sexuality articles, seem to be polarized in their responses--either righteously porn-positive or fully Andrea Dworkin-style patriarchy-porn negative. One of the former felt sufficiently threatened to call you a 'feminazi,' which I thought was rather comical...apparently the journey to tranquility / awareness of the consequences of behavior can begin in very murky psychological territory indeed.

To extend (torture?) this metaphor: I have recently ascended to new heights in the mist, from whence I could dimly discern a stronger, perhaps even singular, source of light...but there were other, larger, forms lurking above me, and I could hear them announcing their identities in threatening monotones: "I am self-congratulation..." "I am False Dawn..." "I am arrogance..." "I am wishes..."

One of the more significant challenges that I have been confronted with recently has been distinguishing between aspects of my life that are real and those that are strictly ideation. These disjoint sets encompass far more than sexuality, but I'll stay on-topic with an example: I assumed that I wanted physical intimacy with multiple women, but it occurred to me that there is no defensible basis for this desire. By extension from experience with my wife, I can be certain that sex with other women would be pleasurable, but the simulation ends there. Have you watched the old (1999?) science fiction movie 'The 13th Floor'? If not, it explores virtual realities in which the simulation is spatially limited, such that traveling to the edge of the region brings one to an area where the simulated resolution cannot be maintained--the wire-frame substructure is revealed. My desire for multiple partners is much the same, with high-resolution mental simulation from meeting through brief seduction and detailed copulations, but severely constrained thereafter. Thus, I have apparently been desiring something that cannot exist outside of films or fevered imagination: a partial reality.

Returning to the subject of this thread: I am quite certain that the adamant defense-of-choice exhibited by porn users commenting on the alternet article derives from unacknowledged fear of personal limitations. Our brains are not particularly adept at maintaining coherent, high-resolution simulated realities in the long term. Porn presents a solution to this problem yet masks its existence. Proposing that users might benefit by abstaining reminds them, if only subconsciously, of their (our) overwhelmingly limited experiential capabilities. This is a m/saddening message in a culture whose central tenet is limitless expansion.


Yep, my thought is that those guys don't even read the whole article. They just see "porn" and something less than unqualified praise for it, and start spouting their (largely unrelated) favorite counter-arguments, which may include off-the-wall ad hominem attacks. It's kind of silly actually.

As you know, I see the information in that article as far more neutral than they do. Once we know how extreme stimulation potentially rewires the brain and imbalances dopamine response, we can do anything we want to with the information. Until then, we're operating blindly, and our misperceptions can actually cause us to overlook symptoms that are related to natural brain function, thereby hampering our lives.

Whatever. I'm sure some of the readers thought about the concepts. I'm always writing for those few who do, not for the ones who just want an excuse to trumpet their own pet slogans.

Sounds like you've been gaining some new usual. Tell us more. We missed you. Is the Mrs. showing any signs of wanting a more wholesome lifestyle?