♥More fun lovemaking (warning: somewhat explicit)

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Submitted by Rachel on
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First of all, thank you Marnia for referencing Diana Richardson's book, "The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment" in another thread! It has truly changed my life. There is also a companion book written by her husband, Michael Richardson, called "Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation" which is as good, if not better (I gave it to my lover *after* I read it). I think I enjoyed the men's book so much because I felt like I was being sneaky and peeking in on some of the secrets of male sexuality~~and also~~the book made me quite horny while reading it, lol.

There is a concept in the book that in all my life I have never known about nor ever tried. It involves relaxing your entire pelvic floor...especially while making love. As women, we are used to tensing up the vaginal walls during intercourse because we think it makes it more exciting for the man to have more friction (and because it helps us orgasm). And if we relax, we think we will feel too "loose" to the man. I wasn't sure I could do it.

But I tried it. And Lord have mercy. It is the most heavenly thing I have ever experienced. It sounds simple, but it isn't. It is something I have to consciously stay focused on so I don't revert to my old habits. I was going to try to describe the difference it makes for me while making love (and what my lover tells me happens to him), but I cannot put it into words. It is something you have to experience for yourself. But what happens is the vagina becomes so open and receptive and welcoming when you relax the pelvic floor that it gives the man a wonderful feeling of being fully accepted. And when you do this while making love, the woman starts to draw the man up inside her like a magnet. And when the man relaxes his pelvic floor, he is able to feel the sensations throughout the entire length of his penis. The penis stays erect, but soft enough to snake around and conform to the vagina. It almost seems to grow in length.

And when you are still, you can truly, truly feel the electricity passing between you and your lover. It just pulsates. There is no need for movement at times. And you go into somewhat of a trancelike state where you just stay in the moment and feel. If you start to think of something other than the here and now, you direct yourself immediately back to the present.

And the juices just flow! In the past, if I would have tried to have intercourse for two hours straight, well, it just wouldn't have been able to happen--I would have been dry and raw and so over it. But I stayed extremely wet and welcoming and it had a profound effect on his penis. I'm pretty sure this is the first time my lover has ever stayed erect (in varying degrees) for that long of a time and without getting tired nor feeling pressured.

There are so many aspects of this--the healing aspect, the energy aspect, and it's all so dang relaxing and magical and mystical and yet thrilling at the same time. Yep, lots of mumbo jumbo, but it is there and you can't deny it.

And one of the other great things (I believe it is from the men's book) I took away from all this is what to do when you have emotions well up inside you that normally would/could turn into something not so pretty. When this happens, you just say "I am emotional" and put it right out there, right then. Not later. When you do that, you are accepting all of the feelings as your own and not blaming your partner for the way you feel. This really, really helped me last week. We were beginning to make love, but I couldn't stop feeling guilty for the sacrifices he makes to see me every week. And instead of just holding it all in and letting it make me feel sad and perhaps projecting it onto him, I just said it out loud and it felt so good. I was able to cry, get it out of my system, while he was able to tell me why I should *not* feel guilty, and then we moved past it and made wonderful love.

So...

Two wonderful books and much gratitude in my heart for Marnia and this forum because otherwise, I would never have had this life-changing experience. Blessings to all!

Comments

Thanks so much

for sharing your experiences. I'll definitely add this to the karezza thread. Diana is a lovely woman. We haven't met, but we instinctively promote each other's work. I'll send her an email with a link to your experience.

not TMI

rediscovered. I read all your posts. Thanks for being "somewhat explicit" and it wasn't TMI for me. Although our experiences are somewhat different it helps me understand what is happening with us when I read such posts; and you do a wonderful job of putting together the words. And I echo your last thought "much gratitude in my heart for Marnia and this forum because otherwise, I would never have had this life-changing experience. Blessings to all!"

Thanks for this post. I

Thanks for this post. I agree, relaxing the muscles leads to the most heavenly feeling, for both people. I believe this is because it is accompanied by surrender, which is really a turn on. When we soften and melt, it takes lovemaking to a whole new level that is even more pleasurable. Yay for relaxed vaginas!

Surrender

That is such a good word to describe the feeling. And allowing ourselves to be passive and just enjoy the ride is so freeing...not feeling you have to *do* something other than enjoy the experience is just wonderful.

rediscovered

Great post rediscovered

and great descriptions. I also agree - this laid back non - athletic style of lovemaking allows both partners to fully relax into and completely savor the full pallet of sensations available as well as all the delicious interplay of male/female bio-electric energy. Through the practice of relaxed lovemaking my wife and I have been able to take our sexuality to a new and higher level that is just so much more satisfying than mere "friction sex". We have found our activity time naturally increase as we prefer to revel in the maelstrom of pleasure for increasingly lengthy periods of time - the shared experience of so much splendid stimulation back and forth just delightful in a way I cannot properly put into words. We originally experimented with this as part of Tantric exploration and learning to control my energy as I found that my male orgasm would "short circuit" this process and end the fun for both of us. We found the lack of normal frictional thrusting allows better control of the male energy and the proper "coital alignment" permits maximum stimulation of both the clitoris, outer vaginal barrel, and "G" spot areas. My wife stays incredibly wet and juicy throughout and I only thrust enough to maintain the energy level and firmness of erection to sustain the process. I really like this as I get to experience very high level stimulation for much longer periods of time than normal friction sex permits and my wife finds the relaxed state combined with the high overall energy state almost irresistible - and this process has allowed her to be more orgasmic than ever.

Thank you, Virgil! And I

Thank you, Virgil! And I feel the longer you are connected together, the better, don't you? Compared to "friction sex" it is amazing to think about how much more time you spend with "penis in vagina" and how healing that time can be. I think it is Michael Richardson who says there would be no wars if all people could have this type of prolonged intercourse, lol~

My favorite part of lovemaking has always been the actual intercourse...and it was always over way too soon for me.

Now I get to languish and savor the feelings and I feel like I could go on forever. It is so unlike the sex of my past and I don't know that I could ever go back to that way...this doesn't even feel like sex, it feels like melting together.

rediscovered

Right on R. For me

The full wet connection of penis in vagina intercourse is where the real magic takes place. You can engage in lots of other activities but juicy PIV provides for maximum surface area of contact between the woman's and the man's most sensitive nerve ending laden tissues, and done correctly (in a very relaxed and deliberate manner with proper coital alignment), provides for the greatest mutual stimulation and maximum bio electric energy exchange between partners. Sharing such deep pleasure with your partner is so captivating, so alluring that you just naturally want more, and no matter how long it lasts it is always over too soon. Lovemaking in this way can heal and empower the individual, and provides a level of intimacy and connection that few couples enjoy. My wife and I have always had a solid relationship (sexual and otherwise) but since we began the practice of relaxed lovemaking without orgasm being the goal it is like a perpetual "honeymoon state" now exists. We cannot get enough (or keep our hands off each other) and a delicious undercurrent of sexual energy is always present. Better even than the newness of the "honeymoon state" because we are conscious now of how my "male" energies interact with her "female" energies and we choose to actively manage this for the betterment of our relationship. We learned that the man must be the primary driver here as his orgasm ends the fun for both. Over time I developed better control and my wife is careful to operate within my "human" limitations so I avoid the neurochemical fallout caused by orgasm and this has allowed us to experience long drawn out sessions of the most exquisite kind. I get prolonged stimulation that leads to the most delicious endorphin rise (and much more cumulative pleasure than I ever got from the few seconds of "burst pattern" orgasm) and my wife is the beneficiary of having a hungry, always ready for action husband available to play with. This has had a profound effect on my wife as she feeds off my hunger and energy and a delightful synergy has developed between us - and most of the time she needs/wants little to no foreplay. I have kidded her about how she seems to be able to go from "zero to sixty" almost instantly and she clearly is experiencing the same elevated "baseline arousal" that I do. We do not worry about whether or not she reaches orgasm but right now she finds the relaxed state, extended play time, and high overall energy level almost irresistible and is more orgasmic now than she has ever been in her life. And since her orgasm does not seem to bring about the ugly neurochemical cascade it does for me (I am still trying to understand the how and why we are so different on this) we are enjoying this to the fullest.

Once again great post and feedback.
Regards,
Virgil

Ah yes~~

Virgil, you and your wife sound like a beautiful couple and I know exactly what you mean when you say "delightful synergy."

Delightful, indeed!!

rediscovered

Rediscovered

Its interesting your comments about Dana Richardsons books as I also ordered them after Marnia's post on their work. I as well found the male tantric book the most informative. It really didn't seem to be focused that much on the male perspective for that matter. All the things you mentioned and others really drew together things I was intuiting and experiencing but not fully conscious of. Sometimes just having the words behind the experience can cement them into my consciousness. I feel like we are a small but growing community on a journey of exploration, and as others share their experiences my awareness and experience grows as well. This is wonderful, thanks everyone for being here!