First of all, thank you Marnia for referencing Diana Richardson's book, "The Heart of Tantric Sex: A Unique Guide to Love and Sexual Fulfillment" in another thread! It has truly changed my life. There is also a companion book written by her husband, Michael Richardson, called "Tantric Sex for Men: Making Love a Meditation" which is as good, if not better (I gave it to my lover *after* I read it). I think I enjoyed the men's book so much because I felt like I was being sneaky and peeking in on some of the secrets of male sexuality~~and also~~the book made me quite horny while reading it, lol.
There is a concept in the book that in all my life I have never known about nor ever tried. It involves relaxing your entire pelvic floor...especially while making love. As women, we are used to tensing up the vaginal walls during intercourse because we think it makes it more exciting for the man to have more friction (and because it helps us orgasm). And if we relax, we think we will feel too "loose" to the man. I wasn't sure I could do it.
But I tried it. And Lord have mercy. It is the most heavenly thing I have ever experienced. It sounds simple, but it isn't. It is something I have to consciously stay focused on so I don't revert to my old habits. I was going to try to describe the difference it makes for me while making love (and what my lover tells me happens to him), but I cannot put it into words. It is something you have to experience for yourself. But what happens is the vagina becomes so open and receptive and welcoming when you relax the pelvic floor that it gives the man a wonderful feeling of being fully accepted. And when you do this while making love, the woman starts to draw the man up inside her like a magnet. And when the man relaxes his pelvic floor, he is able to feel the sensations throughout the entire length of his penis. The penis stays erect, but soft enough to snake around and conform to the vagina. It almost seems to grow in length.
And when you are still, you can truly, truly feel the electricity passing between you and your lover. It just pulsates. There is no need for movement at times. And you go into somewhat of a trancelike state where you just stay in the moment and feel. If you start to think of something other than the here and now, you direct yourself immediately back to the present.
And the juices just flow! In the past, if I would have tried to have intercourse for two hours straight, well, it just wouldn't have been able to happen--I would have been dry and raw and so over it. But I stayed extremely wet and welcoming and it had a profound effect on his penis. I'm pretty sure this is the first time my lover has ever stayed erect (in varying degrees) for that long of a time and without getting tired nor feeling pressured.
There are so many aspects of this--the healing aspect, the energy aspect, and it's all so dang relaxing and magical and mystical and yet thrilling at the same time. Yep, lots of mumbo jumbo, but it is there and you can't deny it.
And one of the other great things (I believe it is from the men's book) I took away from all this is what to do when you have emotions well up inside you that normally would/could turn into something not so pretty. When this happens, you just say "I am emotional" and put it right out there, right then. Not later. When you do that, you are accepting all of the feelings as your own and not blaming your partner for the way you feel. This really, really helped me last week. We were beginning to make love, but I couldn't stop feeling guilty for the sacrifices he makes to see me every week. And instead of just holding it all in and letting it make me feel sad and perhaps projecting it onto him, I just said it out loud and it felt so good. I was able to cry, get it out of my system, while he was able to tell me why I should *not* feel guilty, and then we moved past it and made wonderful love.
Two wonderful books and much gratitude in my heart for Marnia and this forum because otherwise, I would never have had this life-changing experience. Blessings to all!