Hello, im not one to make posts on forums, more of a reader, but i just realised that im just over 2 months away from not self inducing orgasm/ejaculation (i.e not masturbating or having intercourse) in 2010.
Hopefully, this can help someone who was like me. I was always searching for something to read that would help me get out of the whirlwind that i was in, because from the inside i know the future looks bleak. But now that im out, i can tell you that its not.
I decided to start in mid December last year just before i went on my xmas holiday, and was determined to make my new years resolution to not masturbate, watch porn, or ejaculate/orgasm for a whole year, to see what effect it has on me.
For years i had been stuck in a cycle of masturbating over porn and then deciding to quit. But looking back i must of had hundreds if not thousands of wanks where i said to myself 'this is the last one'. And sometimes i'd struggle and reach a week if i was lucky, counting the days as i went along, but being a kid who had his own computer with internet access in his bedroom, this was very difficult, especially with porn being one click away. I think the longest time i ever went without was about 6 weeks one summer, and when i broke it, it felt HORRIBLE.
But anyway, as i said, 2010 was going to be the one. Once i made it all the way through January i was determined not to drop the ball because i knew how horrible it would feel. But then one night during February, i had a wet dream. I had mixed feelings because i planned on going the whole year without orgasm/ejaculation, but then decided that there wasnt much i could do about it, and i logged the date of when it occured. And as silly as it sounds, ever since then ive been logging the dates of every wet dream ive had, and its averaged out to 3 to 4 a month, except June where i only had one. Weirdly enough, that is around the time where i was taking uni exams, so im thinking this could be related to stress?
The most interesting thing ive noticed during this time is the difference in how it felt when masturbating to porn compared to orgasming during my wet dreams. When i orgasm in a wet dream it feels amazing. When the sensation builds up it seems to resonate and glow around my whole body. I never once felt so good when getting off to porn. With porn id just feel groggy and unsatisfied, and most of all left wondering why it didnt feel anywhere near as good as to how sure i thought it was going to feel whilst browsing for the best clips.
The urge to look at porn has completely evaporated. Before, when i was on the computer doing coursework or just browsing the net, if the thought of sex even crossed my mind in the slightest, it was more than likely id be pulling up all my 'favourite sites' and wanking away in no time. It was irresistible. Now, i just dont feel like it anymore. I dont want that anymore. It doesnt mean i dont have sexual urges, because it do, its just that i know that that is a dead end street for fools. I know what it feels like and i dont want that ever again. When i go on some torrent sites and all those porn adverts along the left and right hand side are forced on me, it feels so intense. At least compared to how porn used to feel. Even just a naked woman showing her breasts feels really stimulating. This makes me wonder exactly how desensitised i had become over the last 10 years of watching porn, and what id be like if i had never seen it.
This brings me to the final difference that ive noticed, and the reason why i decided to start writing this. Basically, before when id see a girl who was really sexy, my eyes would scan her body, and my mind would zone out and id fantasise about all the things i wanted to do to her, which looking back are mostly definitely things ive picked up from porn. But now, as cheesy as it may sound, ive started to crave companionship, someone to be with. Maybe crave is the wrong word, but i do really want a girlfriend, someone to spend my time with and to be intimate. It would be amazing to share this new found orgasm with her, or maybe even try kareeza.When i think back to my last relationship, although we had our good times, maybe she wouldnt be an ex if i wasnt the way i was (actually, she probably would, but thats a different story lol). We'd have definetly spent time together differently.
So yeh, im in a place right now where i want a relationship, but dont want to end this spell that ive got going on. Hopefully if i did get into a relationship and i told her what im doing, she wouldnt be too weirded out by it, as its not a very usual thing to do.
I dont plan on continuing after the new year, but i know i will never start watching/masterbating over porn again, its not an option. I'd wasted enough time on that and would rather conserve that energy for real experiences with real people.
I wouldnt say ive become as sociable as others say they have, and i definitely didnt change over night, but i have grown in confidence. Looking back i'd say a good first goal is building up so much time that you wouldnt even contemplate braking your spell. When i smashed my 6 week record i knew there was no going back, because i knew how bad it would feel.
Im also living much more healthily, meaning NO junk food or alcohol. I've been doing occasional yoga and cycle to work, but havent done more exercise than this because of a combination of bad knees and laziness. Ive mentioned this because i think its all part of the same parcel, and masturbation probably isnt the only change needed to be made.
Another tip, do not count the days, that is torture. Just live your life.
Im pretty sure that if you start now, and make it to 2011, you'd be well on your way. Oh, and never have 'just one more' or 'this is the last one' wank, because you know it isnt.