Submitted by Dark Brown on
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I'm 22 year old guy and I've had a stuter for the last 10 years. It came out of nowhere. When I was 12 I was a very confident and popular kid. I was a A+ student etc etc. Then I started masturbating that same year and I have been doing it 2-3 times a day ever since. I find it funny that I started stuttering the same year that I started masturbating. I know it may seem like the two have no link, but I have read other cases on the internet of people having similar stories and after giving up masturbation for about a month, their stutter faded away.

I think my stutter has a lot to do with my social anxiety and lack of confidence. It also has to do with creating a different personalities, one when I am at home or around good friends (where I don't stutter) and one in social situations (where I do stutter a lot). Apart from the stuttering itself, this sounds similar to a lot people that I have read about in this forum in that compulsive masturbation sort of isolates them from the outside world.

Anyway, I don't expect my stutter to vanish after two months of stopping masturbating, but it wouldn't hurt to try. Right now I'm on day 5 which is the longest I have ever gone without masturbating since I started when I was 12. So far I'm not seeing any positives at all. If anything, my stutter has gotten worse and have been in a very bad mood this week. I started meditating daily a few months ago, but even this has become much harder since I stopped masturbating. I was also going fine until today, where an image of a woman that I have masturbated to many times before popped up in my head. I was able to fight the urge off but I swear I was 2 seconds away from losing it ahhaha. If my bad mood continues over the next few days I don't know if I'll be able to hold on.

Also I'd like to point out that I don't masturbate to hardcore porn. That sort of stuff grosses me out. I masturbate to my imagination or at most to softcore porn where there is nothing even close to violence or force. But I am definitely addicted to masturbation.

Anyway I don't really have any questions, I just wanted to share my story.

Wrong section

Did I post this in the wrong section? Maybe I should have created this thread in the 'ectetra' forum. I don't know how to change it now. Sorry about that.

You've got to ride out the

You've got to ride out the good and bad days. Mood change is normal, but we become numb to it by using self medication. We can feel worse for a while when we begin to break the cycle. Watch for even the smallest improvement in your stuttering as that can be motivating.

Thanks for the reply

Thanks for the reply Freedom.

I also want to mention that for some reason I'm having very vivid dreams every night since I stopped masturbating. I've never been much of a 'dreamer' so I'm sure that this is not a coincidence. I don't even know if this means anything at all, I just thought it was weird.

Marnia would know best, but

Marnia would know best, but I haven't noticed any pattern of dreams. I think each person has their own dream and nocturnal emission patterns. I have noticed that early on my sleep was a little distressed at times as if my brain was wrestling with something. I think you are doing well to observe. It makes it fun. I've also noticed that I can't sleep as long as before...I wish I could at times.

Ok back to day 0.... First 4

Ok back to day 0....

First 4 days were easy. Its just when it gets to that point where you feel like you can't do anything without masturbating. I just had a really bad conversation (stuttering-wise) on the phone and I used that as an excuse. Aaaah well, 4 days was a record and now hopefully I'll be able to break that this time around.

By the way I feel very depressed after the act. Hopefully I remember this when 'the urge' strikes back in a few days.

Hi

That's a really interesting story.

You are welcome to post anywhere, but I've just enabled you to blog, so you may want to start your own thread there.

You aren't the first person to arrive who is exploring this possible stuttering-masturbation connection. It looks like stuttering *can* sometimes be related to dopamine changes in a certain part of the brain, but not directly in the reward circuitry (which governs sex). So I don't know what to think about a possible correlation.

I do know that withdrawal is very tough for many. I also know that each attempt makes the next one a bit easier, as a new pathway starts to form in the brain. So if you want to experiment, you'll have a challenge on your hands (on your brain, actually)! Smile

Here are two interesting links:

withdrawal symptoms: http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/0.WITHDRAWAL.pdf

Benefits from laying off porn for a while: http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/0.BENEFITS.pdf

OK I'm back on day 4 again.

OK I'm back on day 4 again. First 3 days were a cinch, but today has been tough. Really tough. Been thinking of a girl I've had a crush on for a long time. Anyway, the urge has been almost unbearable and I happen to be studying for exams right now so its not the best time to be going through this hahah.

Anyway, my main fear is that for all this effort from abstaining I won't benefit from it all.

Yes, that's

everyone's fear. That is the essence of being "hooked." A primitive part of your brain rationalizes that the "fix" is more valuable than recovery.

There's only one way to find out if it's right or not. Wink

Good luck on that exam.

Thanks Marnia. Day 5. I'm

Thanks Marnia.

Day 5. I'm feeling good. Still no bad withdrawal symptoms. I find throughout the day when I think of hot women I don't feel very attracted to them then later out of nowhere I have the sudden intense almost undeniable urge to masturbate. So far I have been able to shake it off.

Hopefully

you'll be through the worst of it soon. I think your experience sounds pretty normal. Ultimately, your brain is seeking the stimulation that releases dopamine. So if you're doing something you find minimally interesting or challenging (exercise, intense focus on something you're working on, eating, whatever), it can "meet your dopamine needs." (Of course, some stimulation acts as a cue for the old porn pathway to kick in...that's not so helpful. Wink )

But when you get bored, stressed, tired, lonely, hungry, pissed off...THAT's when you want your fix of dopamine however you have to get it. So the trick is to minimize those periods by staying busy, or, paradoxically, by training your mind to get the good feelings of total relaxation via meditation or some other practice.

Hey

How is it going for you Dark Brown? Would be interesting to hear about your progress.. and remember, if you slip back don't worry about it too much. Just get back on the horse again. Like Marnia said, it will be easier for every time and you will probably "break the record" for every time too.

I slipped again and again

I slipped again and again and in the weeks following my 10 days of abstinence I masturbated more than I ever have before. The most I would masturbate before was 3 times but I started doing it 4-5 times a day for a while there. But now I'm on my 4th day of abstinence and it'll be interesting to see how far I can get.

Don't worry

That's not that unusual. It takes time to stabilize the gains, and when they aren't stable, anything can happen. Did you get through your exams?

Oh, and congratulations on four days. Bravo! Smile

It pays

to learn your particular pattern, as it may be with you for a while. Most people seem to find certain days are generally tougher, at least for a while.

Good luck on that last exam!

*big hug*