This is quite a step for me. A few years ago while exchanging Reiki sessions that increasingly generated Second Chakra energy my partner and I kept reminding ourselves that it wasn't about sex.
I began to feel intense feelings of transference/countertransference for her. Despite what we said in waking life, my dreams and fantasies burned red hot! John Ryan Haule's The Love Cure: Therapy Erotic & Sexual at least cataloged it for a clothed setting for me.
But I really didn't want physical sex and much as something else ... I still haven't a term for it.
But to describe it: I am nude under the massage sheet, my partner lays her hands on me, perhaps massaging, perhaps not, just 'bonding' or sharing energy like Reiki or Mari-El.
I get hard, and at some stage allow the drapery to fall revealing it to her.
We continue as before, all the while I'm talking about whatever. The orgonic energy builds and I sense myself dissolving barriers to my fuller enjoyment of life in general, the particular sphere under discussion in particular. I leave these sessions ecstatic for weeks. I never jerk off or get a hand job.
Is there a term for this? How do I find women open to it? I tried ads on craigslist, and frankly, it would have been easier to get laid or a hand job than explain, persuade responders about what I really needed.
Could I pay a professional sacred prostitute? Of course I could. I even approached a western shaman, paid her her fee for a full first visit so she would hear me out, and she ran so fast behind 'professional ethics' that I hardly had time to say I understood.
I would rather not pay. Not sure why, but when I check in, that's my deepest answer I get.
There is an online porn category called CFNM=clothed female, naked male. But it's all focused on titillation and role play.
I'll stop here and provide more if anyone responds.