♥oh those lovers nuts

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so my fiance and i have been abstaining from sexual intercourse (sleeping in underwear, kissing without tongue, cradling genitals without caressing them) for a two week endeavor focusing on re-wiring my new found sensitivity from quitting porn/masturbation. i have noticed that simply placing a loving hand on each others genitals as we sleep has me waking up full of energy. i love it. but it has made my balls ache. like when i was a kid at the school dance. the feeling of just plain arousal and not taking it anywhere, let alone at top speed like i used to, has me giddy and pleased. i am madly in love with my fiance and the past five days of non-sex/non-orgasm oriented affection have been amazing.
on day five however we kind of slipped up. we were trying to cool ourselves down by holding each other in our hands, when we couldnt stop. we started moving slowly on each other until we just needed to connect. we couldnt help ourselves but it was amazing. i was still and calm inside of her and i did not feel like i had to fight orgasm. only a couple times did i recognize the falls and breathed out slowly, counting and holding and breathing. but when we decided we really should cool down before one of us lost control, i felt the pain in my balls. it got worse and it was hard to walk around comfortably. i now understand why cold showers exist. the pain went away after i stretched and did some quick isometrics to get my blood flowing. it seems like the energy i retained by not cumming needed to be circulated.

i have been thinking that they may also be aching because of the transition from porn/masturbation/instant gratification(1-3 times almost every day for fifteen years) addiction to being healthily naturally aroused and making non-orgasmic love.

i would greatly appreciate any feedback or advice in quelling the blue balls or lovers nuts.
thank you much

~i have a <3 on~


Not a guy, but...

The only time my lover has had "blue balls" was the very first time we were together (just kissing and fondling) as a couple--that was one year ago.

Since then, we have had many, many, many non-orgasmic but highly sexual times together (for hours on end) and he has never since had any uncomfortable nor painful experiences.

I'm thinking this will pass for you, too~~

Good luck to you and your fiancee!


My partner

reports the same thing. No pain. He was not a P or M user before we started on this path. He is nearly 40, so maybe that has some bearing on it.


most likely. i think this

most likely. i think this may be the feeling of so much sensitivity and energy flowing around a body that hasnt experienced it like this for over a decade. i am so glad to be away from that horrible addiction and into the ecstatic love of my partner. life feels amazing. and the ball pain is temporary and in a way a beautiful sign that my body is re-aligning to a state of healthy 'normalcy'.


first, I'm sorry you're suffering.

The Richardsons (Tantric Sex for Men) mention the phenomenon, too. They say that if nothing too intense is going on, it's just old patterns clearing out. They recommend not ejaculating to "fix" it.

The remedy for that condition is apparently cold water running over the genitals whenever there's discomfort. Stanley Bass explains the technique in his book Better Than Orgasm:

The Comfort Technique (for use after sex without ejaculation)

After sex, go to a bathroom and lean over a sink and pour cold water of the penis and testicles for a minute or two.

“This removed any sensitivity, frustration and congestion in the sexual region, helping the retained semen to be [p. 54] reabsorbed by the body and lymph. This made a man feel perfectly normal and great afterward, just as if he had no sex at all, but with all the benefits retained. … I have used it many times myself and found it to be the quickest and most infallible way to feel good and free from all tension after sex. … If you don’t cool down you can become obsessive about sex, at least for a limited time afterwards. … But once I used the cold water it calmed me down after hot sex.

Often when I went too close to orgasm and stopped without ejaculation, and if the sex ended there, I would occasionally experience sensitivity in my sexual region and testicles, commonly called “lover’s nuts” or “blueballs”. If I did nothing it would always gradually diminish and disappear within 3 hours. If I used the cold water treatment, it would disappear immediately and completely.

Unfortunately, Gary didn't know the cold-water technique when I inadvertently gave him a nasty set of blue balls when we were first together. Showed off a few too many snappy foreplay skills. Wink And learned my lesson. He was hurting for a couple of days. Sad That's why the Exchanges take a gradual approach.

But, so what? Live and learn.

i couldnt agree more marnia.

i couldnt agree more marnia. live and learn. and taking things slowly is something ive definitely had to learn.
the pain has subsided and we are winding down our physical affection again to try to finish the two weeks. exercise and cold showers helped immensely. my testicles hurt a little bit last evening and we didnt lose control of ourselves. i went skateboarding today and there was no pain whatsoever. huzzah!

so our endeavor has hit a

so our endeavor has hit a snag. i came at some point while we were napping on wednesday. is it possible that i had a wet dream and didnt even notice? when i had them before i would always wake up with cum in my pants. my fiance had told me at one point when one goes from cumming a lot to not cumming, the actual amount of ejaculate is lessened if orgasm is reached. any thoughts?

Not sure

I have read that the number of viable sperm decreases in whatever's "stored in the launch tubes," if you don't ejaculate for a while. But as soon as you dump those, accidentally or on purpose, "motile" (fresh and frisky) ones line up at the gate. Smile

But my question is, "So what?" Are you noticing a drop off in energy or extra horniness?

well yeah, i did. i couldnt

well yeah, i did. i couldnt figure out why and it was very confusing to go from feeling amazing on tuesday, to an unnoticed wet dream on wednesday and having low energy and ambition on thursday and friday. the horniness came on day 3 and 4 in waves.


Its happened to us all, well men that is. The energy gets built up in the testicles and has no where to go since there isn't an ejaculation. Those little spermies get all excited and then they don't get to party! Anyone seen the movie "Everything you've always wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask" by Woody Allen? In one scene he's a parachuting sperm waiting to be launched. An old, but great movie.

The key is to move the energy without the physical ejaculation. Deep breathing during intercourse really helps move things. On the in breath draw the energy up out of the testicles. I'm not one for visualizations but this one is pretty easy. Along with the cold water technique you can do the deep breathing after sex as well. Sit on the edge of the bed or a chair with a straight back and take deep breaths to draw the energy up. 10 to 15 minutes usually does it. As a added benifit, deep breathing is a great meditation all by itself anyway.

Another thing you can do during sex is to "send" the energy into your partner when you are pushing inward. Its like, instead of sending the actual sperm itself, send the energy that's behind the sperm. If you do it at every inward stroke there's usually never a build up. This I do all the time, not because I'm trying to avoid "blue balls" but because it creates a very sweet and pleasurable flow between the man and woman. It might take a little bit of visualization in the beginning but in short order it will be very natural.

Also, at the bottom of the inward stroke make sure your PC muscle (the one you would use to cut off pee in mid stream) is relaxed as this is when the "sending" happens. Its common to natually squeeze this muscle to some extent during the outward stroke as well as the inward one. Its important to have this relaxed phase in between the two. Kind of like the pause between an inward and outward breath. Over time you'll find you can have your pelvic floor relaxed all the time which actually sustains erection much better than squeezing. Of course I am talking about apply this with gentle intercourse not pile driving stud action.