What Do Women Want

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Submitted by Aphrodites Chela on
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From http://www.reuniting.info/tantric_sex_for_men_richardson#comment-29950
[quote=rayjay]if you just leave things open-ended, with no goal or agenda if you will, women don't cotton to that very well. ... the no agenda approach will likely be seen as wishy-washiness as they will expect the man to be in charge and do nearly everything.[/quote]This woman I'm with; her attitude is something like, "If I'm going to go to all the trouble of letting a man into my life, my personal space, my house, my bed, my body; I want to be fucked good and I want to cum. I love myself just fine. Don't bring your need to me."
Having said all that, I'm liking the no agenda approach. I must hold a strong attitude of non-attachment (good practice). If it goes nowhere, that's ok. Sometimes we get it. We connect and it works fine....so fine, I'm gonna see this through.

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i want, i want, i want, i,i,i.....

"If I'm going to go to all the trouble of letting a man into my life, my personal space, my house, my bed, my body; I want to be fucked good and I want to cum. I love myself just fine. Don't bring your need to me."

well ain't that just adorable. precious creature.

Comment Link

Hey
How do ya link to a specific comment? That's cool
Another piece is that she's been my mainline drug for over 30 years. I've helped create this situation and it's gonna take some more time to get this healed. I'm on the right track, not seeking orgasm, learning to feed myself, not coming to her for a thrill, speaking the truth, stop trying to control the situation, being loving when I can.

I copied you. I think there

I copied you. There are several ways.

1) Click quote to get the comments number which is in formal reply/node#/comment#
2a) http://www.reuniting.info/[node# or node name]#comment-[comment#] {shows comment in thread}
2b) http://www.reuniting.info/node/[node# or node name]/[comment#]#comment-[comment#] {shows initial post and isolated comment}
2c) http://www.reuniting.info/node/[node# or node name]/#comment-[comment#] {shows comment in thread}
You replace the portion in brackets with a number or text if the node has a name.

Janitor /Marnia or someone else who knows better, which should we use? Each is slightly different as some show the comment in the thread while others show just the comment.

LOL. Young women have cats

LOL. Young women have cats too. Maybe that is the bad sign I perceive it to be. My theory is that most pets (excluding service, guard, farm animals, etc.) are substitutes for children and love from a partner.

wow :)

So few things that come to mind:

(1) Women, like men, don't always really know what they want. Their desires are limited by their understand and experience. When I was 20, I thought I wanted tall blondes with amazing figures. Then I realized that a sense of humor was more important. So then I wanted women with good senses of humor. Then I realized the ability to emotionally connect was more important than that. And then I realized that I want all of those things, plus a woman who radiates the full spectrum of her emotions. What we want changes as we experience more possiblities.

6 months ago, I thought I wanted the opportunity to sleep with a different woman every month and have my first threesome. Ok...for the first time I life I had all of those things. And had you told me before then that I'd be seriously searching for ONE woman who was ok with me NOT ORGASMING I would've poured my drink on you.

So forget about what women want. Focus on what YOU want. And find women who are receptive to you leading them in that direction. You'll be happier. She'll be happier. The women who've experienced Karezza rave about it and wish they'd found it when they were younger. If you want Karezza, too, then lead the women in your life to it. And if they don't want to follow you, find a woman who will.

(2) Personally, I'm drawn to women with pets. It demonstrates to me that they have a nurturing quality that I find attractive. I never had pets my whole life, and 6 years ago I was living with a woman who begged me to adopt two twin brother kittens with her. We broke up years ago. I still have the boys and love them to death. No, at no time did either of us consider "bringing them into the bedroom". lol.

(3) @Rayjay... Marnia reminded me in one of her posts that some of my views about sex are influenced to some degree by the fact that my entire sexual history has been a reflection of my exposure and attraction to porn. It's probably a good reminder for me to keep in mind. In a similar way, I purport that much of your views about women -- which are, of course based in your "reality" -- are influenced by what seems to be a lifetime of frustration with the opposite sex. I would bet that after you have a few close, sexual relationships with women who make you happy, some of your worldview is likely to change.

I know that they're based on your experience, but I would suggest that you may have to "let go" of much if not all of your experience with women before you will see them want to get closer to you. If you bring to your interactions with women in real life the attitude and beliefs you bring here, you'll likely find women reacting out in the real world, the way they're reacting to you here....which is not exactly loving attraction and a desire to get close to you.

I could be putting words in the mouths of women here, my disclaimer is that I truly don't know how they're reacting. But I'd be curious to find out. There are tons of women, who've "lost their looks" and are still sexy as hell, not living with 9 cats and subscribing to NOW. You're in your early 30s...I find it highly unlikely that you're surrounded by angry, jaded women in every direction you look. You deserve one who will give you the love you want.

(4) Lastly, we ALL -- men and women BOTH -- want to be loved for who we really are. Let's not forget that in all of this...

JM

where to begin

"@Rayjay... In a similar way, I purport that much of your views about women -- which are, of course based in your "reality" -- are influenced by what seems to be a lifetime of frustration with the opposite sex. I would bet that after you have a few close, sexual relationships with women who make you happy, some of your worldview is likely to change."

--i don't have views about them. observations, experiences of others, knowledge about the social engineering, knowledge of the dominant popculture paradigm produces this analysis. the facts are not based on frustration or lack thereof, they simply are. are you tellin' me that if a guy never experiences frustration that the current social conditioning won't be real?

"I know that they're based on your experience, but I would suggest that you may have to "let go" of much if not all of your experience with women before you will see them want to get closer to you. If you bring to your interactions with women in real life the attitude and beliefs you bring here, you'll likely find women reacting out in the real world, the way they're reacting to you here....which is not exactly loving attraction and a desire to get close to you."

--i've already "let go" dude. i've let go of more or less everything. that is why the final step was desirelessness. check here: http://www.reuniting.info/node/5026.

as for the second part i ask you; my attitude is not a "belief." these are things known, not "believed." would i be able to not know them? are you suggesting that i am outwardly manifesting something negative?
perhaps manifesting the reality they wish to avoid?

"I could be putting words in the mouths of women here, my disclaimer is that I truly don't know how they're reacting. But I'd be curious to find out. There are tons of women, who've "lost their looks" and are still sexy as hell, not living with 9 cats and subscribing to NOW. You're in your early 30s...I find it highly unlikely that you're surrounded by angry, jaded women in every direction you look. You deserve one who will give you the love you want."

--this is exactly the point. i know there are. w/o making generalizations you can never say anything. this is exactly what i mentioned; the disclaimers. OK. yes, i know that "There are tons of women, who've "lost their looks" and are still sexy as hell, not living with 9 cats and subscribing to NOW. i apologize a million times, this a girl-centric culture we live in and we must never even half-jokingly mention a truth about anything any of them do lest we be "jaded" or "angry" or any other buzzword. do you KNOW that i am not happy because of mentioning this???

as far as "I find it highly unlikely that you're surrounded by angry, jaded women in every direction you look." goes, big sigh, i am not "surrounded" by anybody. they are not abusing me in any way nor i them. probably some are angry and jaded, sure. if i was surrounded by nice unjaded ones, would that make any truth less true????????

what is a fact?

[quote=rayjay]
--i don't have views about them. observations, experiences of others, knowledge about the social engineering, knowledge of the dominant popculture paradigm produces this analysis. the facts are not based on frustration or lack thereof, they simply are. are you tellin' me that if a guy never experiences frustration that the current social conditioning won't be real?
[/quote]

yes. I'm saying your observation and analysis are impacted by your frustration. Very much so. They're probably not facts. But you think that they are. Don't take my word for it, though. Get some second opinions. Maybe I'm off base. your facts never "simply are" when they have an emotional impact on you. You no longer have the objectivity to make that claim.

[quote]
would i be able to not know them? are you suggesting that i am outwardly manifesting something negative? perhaps manifesting the reality they wish to avoid?
[/quote]

yes.

not the case

"yes. I'm saying your observation and analysis are impacted by your frustration. Very much so. They're probably not facts. But you think that they are. Don't take my word for it, though. Get some second opinions. Maybe I'm off base. your facts never "simply are" when they have an emotional impact on you. You no longer have the objectivity to make that claim."

you are dead wrong about this. they are facts. i've had all the second and third and 20th opinions i need. that plus experience plus others' experiences plus social engineering plus the culture plus studying plus life is what this analysis is the product of. "emotional impact" is irrelevant. whenever the truth about anything is said, immediately it is assumed that (take your pick) "you don't know enough" or "that's just your experience" or "you've never asked anyone" or whatever. any number of lines. the airy fairy view on the other hand just is. it needs no info, it just is because it is more pleasant.

i've noticed

that pets are often substitute partners/children. there has even been some disturbing talk of women actually doing you-know-what with their dogs.

it isn't

but it's impossible to mention it without someone bringing up men too. if men are doing something crazy it is rare that somebody will mention that women do it, or something similar too. but if women do something immediately someone will bring up that men do it too. usually throw out several disclaimers to go with it. when someone hears of crazy stuff with animals, immediately the mind pictures a man. a woman won't come to mind. there will be no disclaimers neither.

AC

I just happened to be digging through"A General Theory of Love" (by Lewis, et al) today, and the fact is, your wife is just mistaken. Attachment is enormously health-giving...for both partners. This "We're all supposed to be self-sufficient, except (maybe occasionally) for orgasm, so don't bug me with your neediness" line is crap. Unfortunately, it has been very popular among therapists, as it makes their job much easier. "Just masturbate your way to joy, kiddies!"

Hasn't worked. Won't work. You're a brilliant man. Hopefully you can find a way to educate her. Yes, your past grabbiness wasn't the best strategy. But neither is her current mindset. Separation deadens; safe, selfless union heals.

Grrrr.....

Marnia's AC post

is great!

"This "We're all supposed to be self-sufficient, except (maybe occasionally) for orgasm, so don't bug me with your neediness" line is crap. Unfortunately, it has been very popular among therapists, as it makes their job much easier. "Just masturbate your way to joy, kiddies!"

excellent rebuttal to this post-modern BS. needless to say, if you had any hipsters on this forum they would have abandoned it by now.