Submitted by doomdead90 on
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Hi first i would like to say that i'm grateful for such a supportive and informative site that is helping me understand myself.

I've been abstaining from p,o,m for almost 8 weeks but unfortunately gave in to m and o, though it wasnt due to porn. After that i did it again the next day. Both times, i felt frustrated with not being able to meet my goal. My goal was simply(or not?) to have a wet dream, something i've never experienced before. After some time, i begin to wonder why is my body reacting in such a way.

I could control my abstinence to porn during the 8 weeks. However, my urge to masturbate started happening in the mid 3rd week and never stop. Sometimes i will stroke it but stop after a few seconds after reminding myself of my goal. But this constant urge was wearing me down and i gave in towards the end of the 8th week.

Some background info.. I'm 20yrs old, never been in a relationship and i started viewing porn and subsequently masturbating and orgasm at the age of 11. I never had a wet dream before, probably because i started masturbating before my puberty and hence my body didnt see the need for that. (Please correct me if i'm having a wrong idea here) My p,m,o peaked at 6-8 times a day at around the age of 15 or 16yrs old. Before i found this site, i would view porn and m/o averaging once a day.

I would like to clarify some issues after reflecting on my past effort on abstinence of p,m,o.
- Is my goal of having a wet dream realistic, as i think it would be a motivation as i've never had it before?
- I feel like my addiction is more towards masturbation/orgasm than porn as i feel the constant urge to masturbate and orgasm, although this may be caused indirectly from my past addiction to porn??
- What methods/solutions can i adopt if i was to change my goal to... 'curbing my urge to m/o'? I would still like to experience wet dream though

I thank you for spending time off your busy schedule to help me clarify this issues that's bugging me currently.

Thanks for writing

If you've managed to unhook from porn, you're already at the head of the class. Wink Give yourself a pat on the back and don't worry about the occasional masturbation. The "wet dream" test is a concept that works for some people, but if it's not working for you, then don't tie yourself in a knot trying to make it work.

The challenge is to avoid escalation. One of my ex-sweethearts said he used to masturbate on a schedule (can't remember if it was once a week) when he was a teen, because he sensed orgasm was kinda too much of a good thing. Neurochemically, he was probably right. Find what works for you, and realize that the sexual urge is there to connect you with others. Friendly contact is soothing, so reach out.

The only way I know of to ease intense sexual urges is *indirectly.* That is, through socializing, vigorous exercise, time in nature, doing something creative (pouring your energy into a project), meditation, etc. Check the ♦Tools at the bottom of this page:

Some guys also like the "natural grounding" concept of looking at non-erotic pictures of women. Along these lines, there's some new research I'm about to post that says "imagining satisfaction" can actually soothe the brain. Try imagining affectionate contact with a sweetheart and see if it helps. (Some men here have reported it does.) Just know that climaxing to those fantasies, or choosing hot visuals, can trigger a bit of a dopamine cycle. So try to focus on images of soothing contact. Maybe picture her touching you with your favorite non-erotic touch. Smile

Keep us posted, and start a blog if you like.

Remember, you can coax your sexual desire in the direction you want it to go...but you can't bash it into submission. Respect it, and keep experimenting with ways to work with it. It's there for some good reasons. Wink It's today's environment that is making it such a severe nuisance for so many.

Thanks Marnia

Thanks for the reply! What I've felt for the past weeks is that as long as my urge for masturbation can be curbed, the need for porn is redundant.

Is there a way for healthy masturbation? How frequent (maybe once a week?) And I've also read somewhere from a natural grounding forum that its healthier to think of natural women when masturbating. Any ideas on that?

Thanks for the advice on natural grounding. Did it on/off for almost a month now.. But I haven't been able to feel the effect described by others (such as emotionally breaking down).

I guess its about slowly curbing my urges bit by bit. I'll try and figure something thats works for me. Thanks again for your help!

We encourage

guys to find what works for them, but to keep in mind that, ultimately, more contact with potential mates can provide the most comfort. The biological/genetic reason for sexual desire is to connect you with others, and your brain registers satisfaction from contact, even when you don't fertilize anyone. Smile

Meditation, too, seems to ease urges. I noticed that when I started meditating, masturbation just decreased naturally. I didn't even think about it at the time, because I wasn't trying to stop masturbating. (This was before I noticed that it caused mood swings in me. Wink ) Someone also mentioned that yoga first *increased* urges, and then eased them with time. A lot of the tools here, probably have similar effects:

So you could play around with those indirect options, rather than just trying to figure out masturbation frequency as a separate challenge.

And remember, there's no "wrong" answer. There are just answers that help you avoid escalation better than others.

It sounds like you're making

It sounds like you're making your own discoveries as you go along. I think you will find your positions shift around a bit before they begin to solidify. I thought a masturbation schedule made sense, but now I don't think so because it is too goal oriented and places masturbation on a false pedestal. I think we are completely misprogramed. Ask yourself why you are masturbating and what purpose it serves in your life. There is no need to make sure your penis works, You will discover as several of us here are at the moment that you will get an erection of some form around waking time. Urologists feel that there is no need to clean out the pipes. My own experience is that the body adapts by producing varying amounts of pre-cum and regulating the force of urine flow.

I played with natural grounding. I think it is a good stepping stone, but not a long-term solution. I like to go natural and use my own mind. Same for masturbating to real females. It is a stop gap. It seems to hurt interaction with real females. If you try to abstain totally, then you get the interesting experiences of how your mind and body will deal with the needs, emotions, and energy levels on its own. That in itself is interesting enough to push onward. If you got to almost 8 weeks, start again. You're way ahead of many of us.

As for wet dreams, I've never had one either. I've pondered that maybe I masturbated from too young an age. I experienced puberty some ways I feel like I'm still experiencing it...maybe all that orgasm delayed some stuff. Either way, masturbation and less stimulating porn were in the picture way before puberty. I also used to masturbate more in bed when the computer wasn't as much a part of my paradigm. I don't see how one could wet dream after masturbating. I'd like to experience one too, but it is ok if I don't. I'm enjoying the other experiences I'm having along the journey into the open world. I've had a few lucid dream karezza like experiences. It was more whole body and so not a wet dream. Maybe my wet dream is still coming.

@Marnia Yes i do feel much

Yes i do feel much more satisfaction interacting with others. I'm trying to get past my introvert stage which is currently leaving me with alot of alone time so i will check out some of the meditation as what you have suggested to get time to pass. Regarding the masturbation frequency, I guess its an alternative which I hope I'll never have to use cause I feel it screws up my ability to socialize with others.
I do hope i can last longer this time or even be able to rewire my brain to its natural state. Thank you for your support and i will report on my status once i have any significant improvements.

Yes i feel that the masturbation schedule is like a lesser alternative, one with many disadvantages too.
It seems like natural grounding has quite alot of benefits but the ones that i've felt is mostly on giving myself more confidence in facing women, due to my introvert self plus how porn screwed my mind up. I'm actually curious if just watching natural women can curb/delay my urges so i'm gonna try it out.
For wet dreams, it kind of made sense early masturbation will make your body skip the natural way of releasing excess cum. But i guess i'm feeling this regret of not having the natural way(wet dream) what many have experienced. And this makes me want that. You are right about how wet dream isnt that important. If it happens, good for us. If not, there are other more important things to experience than trying to relive something that is of the past.
Thanks for your encouragement!

I don't think there is any

I don't think there is any evidence that we have extra cum as it gets reabsorbed. There is some fullness feeling. Perhaps that is in the mind or perhaps fullness is normal while our prior emptier state is typical.

Perhaps wet dreams are an alternate form of potty training. Younger guys can't hold it in and it just comes out when they feel aroused. Or perhaps there is a unique dynamic that develops earlier in life. If either of those are the case, then it is unlikely we'll get a wet dream now...perhaps as unlikely as bed wetting. Some studies link testosterone levels to wet dreams. I suggest you try reading the exchanges in Cupid in bed before going to sleep and see what you experience. It takes time just like using them with a partner as intended. Be patient and keep going.

We like to hear from you

even when you don't have progress to report. Wink This is a tough challenge, and many recovering users start out feeling very introverted.

If you don't have a copy of Cuipid, you can see some Exchange-like activities here:

Speaking of natural grounding, did you check out the YOUTube slide shows at the bottom of this page?

You might find this interesting, too:


up until around four or five days ago I experienced my first wet dream and it came from an actual dream I had I awoke half way through and there was no way to turn off the pipes lol
it happened with about three weeks of abstinence and was very weird as I had previously never had one if I were you I wouldn't masturbate orgasm edge or view porn just to ensure the quickest and best results possible.