♥TED talk on vulnerability, shame, numbing

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Submitted by Marnia on

This is great. Thanks. I'm

This is great. Thanks. I'm doing some of this, but I hadn't thought of it in these exact terms. It's tough to break down peoples' shells, but I'm not letting that stop me from being me. I throw myself out there and for the most part people react well. Still this is a slow process because we've learned to live wrong.

Have you read any of Brené Brown's books or other research? The books based on the reviews sound too story based for me.

broken record

It is this topic of vulnerability that drives the entire 3-day course called the Authentic Man Program. I know I bring it up again and again, but it's because the entire 3-day intensive revolves its teachings on vulnerability. First vulnerability to yourself (which is, in itself, a whole challenge), then eventually vulnerability to others.

The thing about it is that vulnerability can be studied objectively, with data points and analysis, just as the speaker has done. In fact, I'm so grateful that she has done so because it's such a powerful thing to have proven quantitatively what I've only known through testimonial and experience. That said, in order to really *know* vulnerability and its power, it must be *experienced* from the 1st person perspective and not just from afar.

Again, thank God that the analysis has been done, because convincing someone -- especially someone who is already in pain -- that vulnerability is a gateway out is near impossible :) But once you come to accept "that" it is a gateway, you still need to know "how" to use the gateway. That's where the AMP Intensive is so useful. They've created a very specific and safe way to force you into vulnerability so you can actually experience it for yourself.

Teaching us to be vulnerable is something our parents, family, community would do in a healthy environment. But our societal conditioning has all sorts of kinks about shame. And, well, we are where we are...masses and masses living in secret.

In any case, enough of my soapbox. AMP or no AMP, it doesn't really matter to me. I'm curious to find out how others have learned to be vulnerable and how they've seen the benefits (and pains) of connection.

Best,
J

This is so true. I've held

This is so true. I've held a lot of shame in the past. As an AMP grad I would say that allowing myself to be vulnerable and really feeling it in my body is something I'm learning to do. All the shame and anger inside of me I am allowing to feel in my body and accepting it for what it is. The good thing is I feel a subtle shift in myself. It's painful at times to have to go back in the past but because I never allowed myself to feel those feelings, they are now starting to come up. Either way, I'm learning a lot about myself and the shame I've held inside.

Women and Shame

In a day long class I took with Brene Brown in about 2005 she presented on her shame research. As with the research she describes in this video clip, she did qualitative research on shame, using grounded theory methodology, developed by Glazer and Strauss. She developed a definition of shame, based upon the definitions of all of the participants in her study, demonstrated how shame works and why it is so difficult to discuss, understand, and overcome, and also noted that women in her study had strategies to deal with shame. She developed a "Shame Resilience Model," intended to help women and girls move from shame, disconnection and isolation to empahty, connection and power.

I can highly recommend her book Women & Shame: Reaching Out, Speaking Truths and Building Connection.

The work on vulnerability seems to have arisen from her work on shame. Acknowledging Personal Vulnerability is the first element of the Shame Resilience Model.

I am wondering, Marnia, if you have considered a talk on TED? Your work also seems suited to that format and is certainly "an idea worth spreading."

"Adopt the pace of nature; her secret is patience."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thanks for the details on Brown's work

and for the vote of confidence about TED. Funny you should mention that. As it turns out, Darryl of the forum here has (provisionally) been asked by some TED organizers (there are organizers all over the globe) to give a talk on karezza.

It would be thrilling if it comes to pass. Quite honestly, I think it'll be more powerful if it's given by a man, because the idea really goes nowhere without strong pilots (males who are on board with the concept). We've agreed to help him in any way we can, but we may be calling on you folks, too.

*fingers crossed* as it's not definite yet.

Wow, I was almost in tears

Wow, I was almost in tears at the end. I've realized that all my life I've been numbing myself by avoiding the very emotions that actually help us grow, learn, and develop courage within ourselves. Thanks for this clip, I was moved by it.