♥Why do I have a hangover with a partner, but haven't ever experienced it when single & masterbating?

Submitted by Penny on
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I have spent the previous three years single, but sexual, using my massager maybe two or three times a week, sometimes going without for several weeks at a time. I've now had a partner for almost three months and have been so disturbed by how hungover I've felt after being with him that I googled "Sex Hangover" and found this site that way. I am both thrilled that the knowledge on this site is available, and sooooo sad that after years of being partnerless that now we have to reign in our sexuality (orgasm wise) or risk losing one another. But I can feel his distance developing, not to mention the relief I feel when I know we won't be seeing one another for a few days simply because I am so wiped out, so hungover, that I need to rest and gather up my strength (and attractiveness, frankly, as the hangover leaves me LOOKING wiped out as well). I love this man, and am frightened by the certainty I feel that he is ready to leave because he's shared with me that he's felt the hangover as well.

So, for starters, my question is this: Why do I feel hungover with HIM, but never have with my vibrator?

The neurochemistry

of orgasm with, and without, a partner are different. For example, this research showed that after intercourse, 400% more prolactin goes into the blood. "Mother Nature's Trump Card" http://www.reuniting.info/science/articles/prolactin_levels_higher_after... In other words, it may be that your nervous systems react to this extra prolactin like "knock out drops." Wink

There's a good chance that as pair bonders, humans benefit from daily affection...but not daily climax...which can lead to habituation rather quickly. If you haven't read these articles, have a look:

"The Lazy Way to Stay in Love"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200909/the-laz...

"Staying in Love Monkey-Style"
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201011/staying...

Feel free to start a blog if you like.

Wow. I have such a hangover

Wow. I have such a hangover from masturbation that I wonder how intense it would be with a partner. I thought it was the other way around, that orgasm from intercourse (not petting or the like) with a long-term partner was not as bad as from masturbation, but must have gotten it mixed up.

Better not have an orgasm with a future partner then. Wink Not that I want one anyway.

A word of solice to Penny: you may feel saddened by this information now, but go read Darryl's posts for instance... I think in the end, if you do get rolling with Karezza, that you'll be grateful for it all. I am just sitting here thinking how lucky you are to have found a partner that you love and that loves you. Now you have the information that is lost on most people and couples. Go have amazing times while some of us just dream of it :)

Well francis,

everyone is a bit different. In many of us, "honeymoon neurochemistry" hides the hangover with a partner for a while. Some people probably don't feel it much at all. And you're right that the emphasis on bonding behaviors with a mate can often ease the effects in some.

Hopefully, you'll be able to make your own experiments before long and let us know how it goes for you. Wink Meanwhile, start a blog if you like.

You can relax, completely

You can relax, completely about the reigning in orgasm worry. You will have to do that but the sex you will be having will actually be far more pleasureable than the orgasmic sex you did have. Especially over time once you sort of build up a charge and especially if you add in just a little bit of meditation practice outside of karezza 10-20 min a day focusing on hte breath or a mantra for example. If you read in the later parts of cupids posined arow you will find plety of quaotes that atest to this. also if you read some of the old karezza material ( 100+ years ago) you will find lots of descriptions of how kareza eventually becomes way more pleasurable than ordinary sex and in a sense like a continous loving orgasm. If you read a lot in this forum you will find plenty of similar testimonies from users here. And also the valey orgasm ocurs during many karezza sessions and is perfectly benign from a karezza perspective. So you don`t have to worry. But you DO have to be diciplined in staying away from conventional orgasms and staying well out of the "red zone" in terms of peak arousal to get there. Otherwise you will loose both the relationship benefits and the increased pleasure.

AFE zone? Fix

Hi I never experienced the hang over until recently, the past few years. The euphoria i experience is unlike anything I've ever felt. Now I can still orgasm and not let it go and not suffer the next day, of course it's like drinking near beer. Im sure what I feel is what heroine addicts feel or better.
I literally feel like I am junking on my own feel good chemicals. So why recently? I suspect some health problems involving my hormones and such may have a part. But I believe it is my husband, his size and where he hits during intercourse. Some called it the 2nd G spot. After one of these I can literally feel my lymphatic system tingling in and down the sides of my neck. Now I purchased a dildo I swear it's a replica of my husband and for the first time in my life had an orgasm alone that was just as good as with him. (I cried actually won't go into that)
So I stopped allowing myself to have these, it gave him too much ego and power and I was so miserable and horny for days after, he refuses. But after a period of having none I did recently Here's a link, very interesting and upon further reading I read that orgasm via this spot releases chemicals that lead to emotional and sexual addiction.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/AFE_zone

Keep cuming back

For some, pleasure is a fever they can't shake. For others, it's a disease they cannot seem to catch. ~Nathaniel LeTonnerre, translated