porn and my erectile dysfunction - 50 days and i need help!

Submitted by grey12 on
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hi all - i've posted this on another site as well, so apologies if it's a repeat for some, like me, who read everything they can on this!

I'm 34 and have been mb to porn for a long time – prob regularly since I was in my early 20's. But with or without porn, I was really a chronic masturbator from an early age . During my 20's I had a great sex life, and pretty much only got ED if I was way drunk or the occasional nervous bout but those generally passed. And the excessive mb never got in the way of my sex life.

For almost the past 3 years, my porn use has picked up and my relationships have just gone downhill. I've never had any problems with confidence in the bedroom, and was totally comfortable with my body/size/all of that. Although I suppose if I think about it and am really honest with myself, the ED problems have been going on for much longer than that, and there is now no doubt in my mind that it was porn/mb induced. I guess the problems never really got to me b/c I was young and fit, and always able to recover shortly – or I could just make an excuse b/c it really didn't happen too often. Anyways, back to the relationship thing. My long time gf and I ended about 3 years ago, and I began getting really into porn and mb right after that (I watched a fair amount of porn during my relationship, but it never got in the way. It really was great, and made me very horny – although sadly I now realize that it also caused so many awful side effects...poor moods, always tired, never focused, etc.- for years! - but that's another story/post).

After a few months of a ton of porn, mb, and heavy drinking/just not taking care of myself and being a mess, I amazingly got into a relationship with a really hot girl who I was after for about 10 years! How that happened I don't know, but I felt pretty lucky to say the least. Now fast forward to the bedroom – on goes the condom and down goes the erection. Actually it began to go down as I was trying to put it on, and I barely got it on and it slipped off shortly after anyway while we were in missionary position. That was the first time having sex with her so I thought maybe some of it was nervousness (although I think deep down I knew it wasn't, and it just kept getting worse). The sex only lasted less than a few minutes before that happened.

However, without a condom and when she was on top I seemed to be fine. But nothing else worked – at all! Any little shift or distraction and it was all over down there. And there was a definite pattern of her and I fooling around, me getting completely hard, but as soon as she paid any attention down there or a little time passed, I would start to go limp. As you can imagine, this was doing wonders for my self-esteem. So her and I split after not too long, and a few months later I began another relationship. But now the porn and mb had been going on for even longer. And of course I found no harm at all in this, b/c I was either in denial or too stupid to make the connection.

With this next one, I could at first stay a bit hard when she was on top or giving me a **, but that quickly started to fade. I felt that if I just relaxed and let things take their course, all would be ok – but not so. I began to feel like I had an erection but when I looked down it was half at best. Missionary position was out of the question...I could still orgasm from a **, but it was starting to take a ton of work and my girl was getting really unhappy and feeling inadequate, and I cannot blame her one bit. Heck, I'm grateful and surprised that she stayed with me as long as she did. So, of course, that relationship ended and I've now been single for about a year.

During this year is when I started to make this porn and mb and ED connection and sought help for it – well, for the ED at least until I began to find posts on it's relation to porn. I went to a urologist and he just told me that there was nothing wrong with me or taking Viagra and sent me be on my way...I knew there was way way way more to it than that but just kind of skulked out of there not knowing what to say. He wasn't budging on his diagnosis – or lack thereof. But I do know that it is not a physical problem b/c I am still able to get erect in other ways.

So as of today I'm p and mb free since Jan 10 (50ish days or so). As I mentioned above, the mb and porn definitely screwed me up in terms of concentration, fatigue, etc. Those things are seriously improving. However, I've noticed a ton of ups and downs – almost manic highs and depressing lows, but the general trend is up and I'm extremely thankful for this. But I've noticed very little down there. A week or so ago, I began to get morning erections a few times, but only once was it really full and not for very long at all. My physical health is very good. I eat well, exercise regularly, and haven't drank or smoked in over a year. I've been with only 1 girl in the past year and things were of course less than remarkable. We had sex I was able to get erect enough to penetrate missionary and finish. But if there was any movement or if I had to pull out I know it would have stopped working – and that's not a confidence thing, it was barely half way to begin with! I will say that this girl was just a test for me though. It's sad to say, but I was not attracted to her at all, not a single bit. In fact, I found her rather disagreeable for my tastes, and definitely a 1 on my own personal 1-10 scale, so that prob had a little to do with it. Desperate times call for desperate measures!

Even though I've read all about resetting the brain and it does make perfect sense to me, at this point, I just feel very strange and pretty down – I just feel like I'm screwed – maybe I am, who knows. I'm incredibly attracted (in my mind) to every hot girl I see. Hell, I can't even watch the news without having to constantly change the channels b/c the hot newswomen give me wicked sexual thoughts almost instantly. But, I have no physical reaction down there, just a strong tingling feeling (which is great when it's accompanied by an erection!). I cannot remember the last time I had a daytime spontaneous erection – or any erection for that matter which didn't require a lot of help to get up and stay that way. Everything just seems pretty dead. I've read just about every post on this out there that I was able to come across. There's been some mention of a “grey area,” where supposedly feeling this way is normal for a period of time when you're resetting your brain. I'm just fairly worried b/c of how long it's been. I mean 50 days and so little to report – that's pretty depressing. Most of what I read from people's accounts is that they are all good to go after a month or so. Or at least they have a ton more progress to report than my current sad state of affairs. Is anyone familiar with this “no mans land” in-between type feeling, and how long it's supposed to last – or is it just me experiencing this for so long?

Sorry for the long post. I never post anything anywhere, so I figured that I should be as complete as I could to make it count and hopefully find some people in the same boat to talk with. I have noticed that a lot of people don't fully relate their recovery stories, and that there are requests for someone to provide a full, complete account of their recovery from A-Z. Unless I missed it, I haven't really seen too much in the way of “this is exactly what happened, and this is exactly how I fixed it.” I promise that if I ever rid myself of this awful thing, I will post the most detailed account I can to hopefully help others overcome the same thing. I'm not worried about going back to porn or mb in the slightest. Yes, I get a ton of crazy strong urges almost 24/7 – but I know how to fight the fight and if it is physically/psychologically possible for me to beat this, I most certainly will. Too much on the line to fail with this one guys! In the meantime, I would appreciate any feedback. Again, I'm sorry for the long post – and grateful for this forum/thread!

if anyone likes, please email me at veaselle@gmail.com

sorry everyone - like

sorry everyone - like another poster, i unintentionally made this a forum topic and not a blog entry. i am brand new to this forum and not familiar with posting.

will i still receive replies here - or should i repost another way? thanks!

Hi Grey

Thanks for posting, I can relate to what you have to say in many ways. I haven't gone as long as you abstaining yet, but i've been on porn for just over 20years and i havent had a 'successful' sexual history as you did in your twenties, as such, and going by other accounts i've read on other threads i expect my grey spell on to go on longer, 3 months is not uncommon and some people i have heard it has taken up to 6 months. I'm not suggesting 6 months is the usual amount of time, but i guess it depends on a lot of factors not least how responsive our own individual minds are contrasted against the level of super-stimuli we've had.

Given my history with this all i would not be concerned if after 3 months there is no response, as long as i am patient and commited to this i am sure (given i have no physical issues as per Urologist's feedback) that everything will get back to normal. I certainly hope it doesnt take as long as 6 months, but then we reap the harvest we have sown and in my case i wouldn't be surprised if i'm at the extreme end of the time line, though i definitely hope that is not the case Smile

One things for sure, there is no point giving up on the abstaining front (porn anyway) as it makes sense for folks like you and i to just stay of it permanently, i now know why people would say an infactuation with such a thing is unhealthy, i'm not entirely sure they knew the consequences, but the words ring true.

All the best and keep up the good work, i wouldnt want you to give up now, when you may only be a few weeks of 'clicking' back into place Wink

Vis

Hi Grey

Posting here is fine, but I'll enable you to blog so you can easily follow up.

If you read "How I Recovered from Porn-Related ED" http://yourbrainonporn.com/how-i-recovered-from-porn-related-erectile-dy... you actually read that it took him 8 weeks, and very little happened before that. That guy was 28 and quite fit, so I don't think you should panic yet. Just give your brain a bit more time. It's strange how this recovery works. It's simply not linear and it goes on for a long time.

Here's what he said:

I think it's safe to say my libido is back, but it was eight weeks of no porn, masturbation or erotica, and minimal fantasy.

If you have questions, you can contact him here at: http://www.reuniting.info/user/4668

Some people recover faster. Everyone is different. But most who recover in a matter of a few weeks haven't been using Internet porn heavily for long.

thank you marnia

thanks so much marnia - i'm going to see this thing through to the end for sure - whatever the result...until then, i'm so happy that this site is here - thanks all!

Hi, Grey, last night I read

Hi, Grey, last night I read your post on medhelp and I wanted to guide you to this community. But I am not registered there and I am happy you made it here by yourself.
You and I have very, very similar stories. I am 4 years younger than you - which is not much - the rest is pretty identical. The successful relationships in the 20s, the timing of the last long-term relationship, the condom problems, the recent encounter with a girl, I've also been free for a similar amount of time (45 days today), and I, too, am totally committed to never going back to nonsense. You can read my story of ups and downs (I wrote quite a lot the other day, like you did) - it's like yours! I am very glad to find out not only that there is a community of people like that but that there are very similar cases as well.
I am going to follow carefully how you do and will let you know about myself. It will be interesting to find out whether we manage to recover within a similar timeframe given our similar history...

story

Hi guys ive been posting on another forum but its pretty much dead over there some im hoping to get a little more support here
This is my story I met my current girlfriend for the first time and it was my first opportunity having sex. im 19..
everything went well until penatration i penetrated but then lost it. the thought of this plagued me and I began to suspect porn and over masturbation as the culprits. when inside i soon lost stimulation i think this was due to the over masturbation. also my girlfriend could kiss me and hold me and i still would not get all that aroused this i think is from the porn. later after about a month of no porn or masturbation my erections would return from just a simple kiss but when it came time to penetrate I often found myself thinking about if i would be able to keep erect. thus the perfromance anxiety I do remember though that after a month of not trying intercourse when we would just make out my erections came back and one night i did stick it in and thrust but soon became fearful id lose it and made an excuse to stop.I havent seen my girlfriend for the past 2 months during these two months ive masturbated 4 times once at the beggining and 3 times today and once with porn today regrettably. I still have 9 weeks before i see my girlfriend so my question is that if ive masturbated today with porn quickly tho i only watched for about 30 seconds is all my progress squandered or will my dopamine recover quicker!?!?!!? I hope that by abstaining from porn i will become very aroused when im finally with my gf thus my erections will be stronger and through this i will over come my performance anxiety I still have 9 weeks before seeing her by not m or p during this time will I be ready!! or do I have to start from ZERO again!? Il be posting weekly possibly daily i would love support and to hear success stories thank you so much!

Everyone's different

but most people find that they don't "start from zero" after a relapse. Did you see the tips on avoiding relapse here? http://yourbrainonporn.com/i-relapsed-what-now What triggered it? Can you do something to protect your computer? http://yourbrainonporn.com/tools-for-change#computer

Good for you figuring all this out at such a young age! Bravo!

If you masturbate, try doing it without porn or porn fantasy. Focus just on the sensual feelings, and try not to use lots of pressure. That should be a lot better "training" for real sex. Smile

I'll enable you to start your own blog in case you want to.

thanks!

Ya I had been doing so well and then after a while I had 2 to3 days of extreme horniness which now looking back prolly meant if I had some how been able to hold on that probably would have been a major boost in my recovery the thing is I feel that porn masturbation and perfromance anxiety all go hand and hand and I figure if I can conquer two of them than that will give me my best chance in overcoming perfromance anxiety. I will beat this but having a support system would really help I have about 9 or 10 weeks before seeing my girlfriend Ive already told her everything and I WILL NOT MASTURBATE NOR LOOK AT ANY TYPE OF PORN before the next time I see her
thank you so much for the support!

hey

thanks man just made it! and ya I know but Ive heard that foregoing masturbation speeds the recovery process up once i achieve balance then the only way il have an orgasm is by sex hopefully or by very rarely m without porn