Day 83: Porn is history

Submitted by Satz on
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This diary starts at Day 41:

NO P, M,O.
No fantasies.
No intercourse ( only once on the day 30th with wife)
No wet dreams.

And no loss of semen at all !

But wondering whether I should discuss the method I used. I have this apprehension because I feel my method does not constitute any bonding. However a deep sense of compassion is cultivated for my wife.

Here I go anyways:

Methods used to channel my mind off sex and porn:
Taking an Oath that I wont watch porn or masturbate for twelve years from now. ( With the intention to cleanse myself and practice brahmacharya to the fullest, this period is mentioned in indian sacred texts as special and creates a special channel for prana called the medha nadi)

What did i do when I saw women ?
1. Contemplating on the impermanence of the body. (Asubha bhavana from Budda's method)
2. Considering all women as either mothers or sisters except my wife.
3. Thinking about a genderless soul residing both in me and her alike.( "Om eka sat chit anannda atmaha" from swami shivanada)

In the absence of the above three method, in earlier attempts I found (though I could mange abstinence for about 15 days ), eventually semen discharged inadvertently.

With the above three practices I could develop compassion towards woman and this created an atmosphere of warmth, in the place of fear of regress.

These methods are believed to render the semen thicker and thereby stop it from descending downwards.

Practice in this direction is belived to make the seminal energy move upwards making a new nadi called medha nadi in the body which bestows unsurpassed concentration and memory power.

I am willing to elaborate on these method if any one wishes to know more.

I will also let you know what happened in the past 41 days in the follwoing threads.

You could also read my earlier threads to know about my background.

Todays update

After several days of mild symptoms today my body is paining at every joint. Old neural pathways are screaming for sex.

BUT I have no difficulty in handling this at all. It only exists at the level of the body, my mind is so firm and wisdom so high, all the ways to downfall are sealed forever.

But it amazes me to know how much my past deeds are able to trouble me in the form of withdrawal effects ! It is mind boggling.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Yes,

it IS amazing. Low dopamine/sensitivity is agonizing. Gary was just reading that such symptoms are also common in Parkinson's patients who taper off the dopamine meds. No wonder you guys are hurting for a while.

41 days! Sounds like Hindu wisdom is alive and well. Compassion is another oxytocin-producing state, so it's not so different from bonding behaviors. Glad you've found what works for you. I look forward to hearing more.

Probably not of interest, but have you visited our new sister site? Gary has some great presentations there: http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series

Day 44 ---trespassing in dreams- on almost all 44 days

Withdrawl symptoms playing havoc with moods and body in the past three days. Mild pain in the joints, shifting moods, vivid sexual dreams.

Vivid Sexual dreams were present almost from day 1. Which was a rarity when absitnance was not practiced. And surpsingly in my dreams I seem to have no contorl on my indulgance but a corner of my mind is saying don't do this even within the dream.

But to my uttter suprise no wet dreams at all in the whole 44 days.

Attirbuting this to my consious denial in engaing in fantasizing and indulging in anything in my waking hours.

NO P,M,O and no fanatasizing for all these 44 days. Total contol, full of wisdom.

Memory razor sharp and beaming with lustre. ( NOT LUST ) :)

Determination is unshaken.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

The reason

The reason for posting this on "outreach" is, I am 100 % sure I will cross the 100 days mark and will go well beyond.

For, my method is full proof and I am willing to help others who are interested in treading this path.

This could be unique in my situation, but definetly possible for all those who are willing to go all the way to discover themselves.

Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Thanks Jake

Day 45: Unwaivering determination.

Well I am extremely pleased to know I could be of inspiration to someone. Moreover if I can do it, why not you ?

It was a long journey and not a easy one, sometimes I really wonder whether anyone else can really be so determined.

But I will tell you the secret of my path. It is frighteningly simple.

IF you are not able to stop something it means at the depth of your heart you have an inclination towards it. You want it. You feel sex is good. Then your mind says porn is sex, and there you go !
The only person who is stopping you is you !

Though I made several hundreds of attempts in the past to quit porn I never succeeded in it because somewhere in the depths of my mind I always felt sex is pleasurable and I need it.

Probably the recovery from PMO is based on detaching porn from healthy sex for many. But for me it never worked.

It is only when I realised that sex is not really essential for my life and that it is only a lower form of happiness compared to compassion and unconditional love, I was able to make the crucial decision. Anything less than that, is a hidden trap.

But we are afraid, we feel we will loose out on something precious by thinking so. But when you really realize you don't need it and make a decision to abstain, you see that you have not lost anything, instead the whole world is at your disposal.

If you don't want to quit sex there is still a way: redefine what sex is.

What is sex ?

Instead of visualizing sex as your body rubbing against someone else, you are engaging in sex with the whole cosmos.

But the sense of such union can come from methods which are discussed in some of the ancient texts which in fact are not so difficult to understand.

I am so happy you can draw inspiration from me Jake, all the best. Keep in touch.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

However

It could be a scary thing for many: to drop sex altogether from your life.

Let me tell you a secret: even when you practice a full scale celibacy, when you are free from all distortion and healthy after a period of celibacy ( say six months) the option of romantic love between you and your partner is never lost and handed back to you as a beautiful gift of which intercourse is a very small but beautiful part.
( Your genitals wont stop functioning :) )

Caution: If you want such great sex to happen you should strictly keep it with and and your partner alone.

:)

Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Day 48

Symptoms are on a low.
Determination is high.
Sexual dreams have reduced in number and in intensity.

NO PMO, no loss of semen till date. However minute quantities of semen come out once in a week. Semen is thick.

Girls are not threat anymore ! They look like human beings who have similar problems like me.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

That's good progress

I'm glad things are settling down. Others have also noticed a second big turning point at about 6-8 weeks, which may have something to do with Delta FosB, a protein associated with brain plasticity...and which promotes relapse in addicts' brains.

Cool

Thanks Marnia. Interesting. :)

day 49:

Similar to day 48 except:

Happened to be in the proximity of a very attractive lady. It was strange that I had a sudden transient sensation at the base of the genitals. It was not in my control. It was sharp: half pain and half pleasure kind of a thing: a contraction which felt very unfamiliar, strange because of its intensity.

I guess it is because of the increased sensitivity. During periods of over stimulation I think I had developed numbness to such experiences in past.

My method failed for fews seconds. ( Considering all women as sisters).
But I was back to balance after a while :)

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Day 50

No withdrawal symptoms, peaceful and serene.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Nice

recovery. Good to know that we don't have to give up our appreciation of the opposite sex to retain our balance - once it's achieved.

True

Thanks Marnia. Yes, once we recover, instead of the gross we are capable of sensing the subtle vibrations and can love and live in a higher dimension. Yes again appreciating the other sex is possible and in fact possible only after recovery. It can be done at different levels of subtlety depending on factors other than recovery from PMO is what I feel.

Let me present my views on this:

It is possible that when you are meditating on compassion you may feel a sense of kindness for beings which are for example the same for a man or a street dog. However if your feeling of compassion differs for a man and a woman, then the differing part is caused by wrong view(refer Buddhist's texts) than by appreciation.

If the appreciation for the other sex comes in addition to the love that we feel for all, then it is welcome, otherwise it is a subtle form of clinging and therefore obstruction to pure love.

Sublimation not suppression is the key. So the above views are only for those who wish to sublimate the sexual energy to the fullest. One may decide to stop at 90 % or less, which is once personal decision.
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However I feel I need another 50 days for a complete first round of recovery. And a year for total recovery. What say Marnia ?

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

We're all learning together

I wouldn't think rigid time lines would be appropriate. That said, we do wonder if there are fairly predictable turning points at about two weeks and at about 6-8 weeks. But way more research is needed, even to say those things with certainty.

Day 53

Absolute calm and all withdrawals completely forgotten.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Thank you Jake

Thank you Jake...how are you doing with your journey?

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Thanks

for sharing your progress.

I know you tried for a while before you really made this most recent jump. How long did you struggle? Might be useful for some of the guys here to know.

Most welcome Marnia

I made several attempts. And the struggle was great. There were times I had nearly thought I would not make it in this life time.

I will surely write about it shortly.

The fact that even in one of the most busiest times in my life ( now ) , I am visiting this site and updating my story tells how much this means to me.

But one thing which I want to emphasize in no unclear terms is that , a decision which comes from a 100 % commitment is the most important thing of all.

During all my earlier commitments the important reason for failure was a half hearted commitment to recovery.

Will write in detail about my struggle soon.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Day 71:

No PMO ......

But surprisingly I had a wet dream yesterday night. First discharge in the last 71 days.

I have been extremely busy in the past couple of weeks. So was a little too busy to stick to my rules that I should look at all girls as sisters. So occasional glimpses of women brought sexual thoughts which lasted for a few minutes and then I would get busy.

My explanation is that this resulted in the semen becoming watery and finally the tendency to move downwards increased and resulted in a discharge accompanied with a dream(in consistence with the explanation that I read in the books that follow the Indian school of thought of Brahmacharya)

Which however never happened in earlier days in which I consciously kept away from engaging in sexual thoughts even for few seconds. The automatic flashing of sexual images and fantasies used to stay only for couple of seconds after which my decision to consider women as sisters and mothers would take over. And though in those days I had vivid sexual dreams I never had any discharge.( Which I believe is because the semen never became watery owing to conscious abstinence from sexual thoughts).

What is surprising is that indulging in such thoughts even for one or two minutes can result in a wet dream in a span of 9 days.

I am not sure this is the only reason for wet dreams , but it seems to be so.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Greetings....

Sorry for the delay in replying....

[quote=jake83]Satz, I was wondering if this is the first wet dream you've ever had in your life, or you've had them before. From reading alot of posts on here lately, it seems like it's not a matter of whether or not a certain person has the capability of having wet dreams, rather a matter of needing a semen release. [/quote]

I had wet dreams many times but in days when I used to masturbate a lot I never used to have wet dreams. Yes you are right. But when you never have sexual thoughts semen never turns into liquid. Just like saliva does not come if your mouth does not water. Desire tigers the manifestation.

[quote=jake83]
Congrats by the way on day 71, and it seems like your journey may be the strictest out of what I've read on here so far. Keeping fantasy to about a few seconds for over the course of over 2 months seems impossible to me right now.
[/quote]

I understand it sounds quite tough, but it is not as tough as you imagine. It is the dawning of wisdom that sex is not central to your life that makes the
whole thing less troublesome.
[quote=jake83]
Well good job making it that far, and keep going man your a great inspiration to me, and I always enjoy reading your posts.
[/quote]
Thanks a lot.

[quote=jake83]
Can you elaborate more on the seeing girls as mothers or sisters idea? And, do you use any Mind flooding?[/quote]

It is very simple, whenever you see a girl imagine her to be your own sister( or mother, depending on age).

I do not know what is mind flooding.

If you want to read more, read section 5 on this link. It is more suited for Indian readers, if you have some difficulty let me know.

http://www.yoga-age.com/modern/brahma.html

All the best.

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Day 83

NO PMO so far.

But I fumbled in my idea of treating women as sisters and mothers on day 81. I was in close proximity of women in a public transport. If you want to know what I mean you should travel in India :)

And since I was busy for last two weeks I had no time to think about girls and my old thought patters returned on this occasion resulting in my mind engaging in fantasies.

This resulted in a bit of a semen coming out after urination that evening after the journey when I was at home. ( about 20 % of what normally comes out during an ejaculation). The semen was quite thick though.

Oh my god the mind can turn solids into liquids !!

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Day 84 and 85: Solitude the killer !

NO PMO so far.

However:
There is a less strong but very clear urge to masturbate and watch porn. I was not sure why it was happening after such a long period of abstinence. But just a while ago I suddenly realized
the reason. I was alone at home form the past three days !

I have felt this many times in the past. Solitude is very bad. It forces me to watch porn. There seems to be strong relationship between solitude and porn addiction.

Otherwise after 82 days how can the urge return so strongly ?

But for my resolution, I would have fallen prey to my addiction in this period.

So my experience seem to be saying "Tell all recovering addicts, NEVER be alone ! "

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.

Day 97

No PMO so far !

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Realization for a wave in the ocean is when it comes to know it is water.