Submitted by Blossom on
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Since a teenager I've looked at porn and masturbated almost every day. Now, a few years later I've learned that there can be some damaging effects from porn and possibly even masturbation alone. Even as a teenager, I used to be completely obsessed with finding a girlfriend and had almost convinced myself I never would, thinking there was something about me that wouldn't allow it. I've now realized that a girlfriend is not going to make me happy and solve my problems. My entire mindset has changed the past few years and I have successfully conquered depression and anxiety, but I still have my bad days.

I feel this whole no porn/masturbation thing is very beneficial but also very confusing. Usually I'll feel terrible after masturbating. I'm not as confident, attractive, and sharp around women and people in general. I almost think this is strictly a guilty feeling. If I go a day without I start feeling pretty good, 2 days even better, 3 days I'm unstoppable. Somewhere around day 5 or 6 I start getting a bit anxious, very horny, and the urge to explode (if you know what I mean). I have tried going up to 2 weeks and I seem to balance out a bit but I always wonder how far do I take this. Do I never masturbate again? I've found once a week to be a pretty good medium but I still go down after masturbating. These ups and downs feel way to heavy. I can be the life of the party one day and anxiously withdrawn the next, all seemingly attributed to masturbation (or the lack of).

I think this comes down to feeling guilty abut something. Even when no porn is used, I feel the same after. Maybe I feel ashamed of myself for masturbating. I find it hard to believe this is purely just a chemical response from ejaculating. There has to be some other underlying issues and maybe it is the several years of porn obsession.

Hmmm....

Why are you so sure it's guilt? Some people are simply very sensitive to the neurochemical drop after orgasm, and more so after porn - not because of its content, but because it exacerbates the stimulation...and therefore the neurochemical drop off afterward.

The same neurochemical cycle is at work, albeit in a milder form, after porn-free orgasm, too. Some people don't experience much of a change. Others do. Sexual repression in childhood has the *potential* to make it worse, by making orgasm seem more "risky," but guilt doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. It's just a convenient excuse. Wink

This divinity school grad worked it out 150 years ago:

The exhaustion which follows naturally breeds self-reproach and shame, and this leads to dislike and concealment of the sexual organs, which contract disagreeable associations from the fact that they are the instruments of pernicious excess. This undoubtedly is the philosophy of the origin of shame after the fall. Adam and Eve first sunk the spiritual in the sensual….by pushing prematurely beyond the amative to the propagative, and so became ashamed, and began to look with an evil eye on the instruments of their folly.

... Exhaustion and self-reproach make the eye evil not only toward the instruments of excess, but toward the person who tempts to it.

[Not immediately relevant, but I'll leave it in: Smile ]In contrast with all this, lovers who use their sexual organs simply as the servants of their spiritual natures, abstaining from the propagative act except when procreation is intended, may enjoy the highest bliss of sexual fellowship for any length of time, without satiety or exhaustion; and thus marriage life may become permanently sweeter than courtship or even the honey-moon. http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/male_continence_noyes_oneida

For more on the neurochemical cycle: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200908/the-pas...

Thanks for the great info

Thanks for the great info Marnia, it's very helpful.

I am abstaining from masturbation and porn once again. I am now on day 7 and I'm getting those anxious feelings I described in my first post. Day 3-6 I was feeling GREAT. This is usually around the time where I "give in" and release. I'm going to be strong and not do that this time. Day 6 I had a dream about having sex with a girl which gave me a full erection and I woke up to myself humping my bed. Day 7 I had a dream about a girl I was very close with but the whole time she was blowing me off--no sex or anything.

This is where I'm confused though. Am I just re-balancing from the excessive masturbation/porn use or is my body just telling me it's time to release and I should listen to it. Is this part of moving past the orgasm hangover? What if I released during my wet dream, would it affect my rehabilitation?

I have not looked at any pornographic images or touched myself in any way, aside for my wet dream. However, I live where there's lots of beautiful women in sexy outfits. I also go to the gym 4 times a week so you can just imagine. A lot of these women check me out too and to be honest all I want to do is pounce on them. For the most part, I am very productive throughout the day but when I see these women, especially after not releasing for long periods, I do get these thoughts. Is this counter-productive to my rehabilitation? I'm not afraid it will make me watch porn again or masturbate excessively, but worried maybe the thoughts alone are doing more harm than good.

It's important to note: While I do get anxious feelings in social situations and especially while talking to females, I still feel better than I would if I were to of released. I'm hoping these feelings of anxiousness will subside after I pass a certain time period of abstaining from PMO.

I'm not sure there's an easy answer

It kind of depends how how much your brain changed during your porn days. Generally speaking, the people here have overdone the Internet porn (like most of the planet???), and so they benefit from going on through that choppy water of withdrawal...the anxiety, the insomnia, the irritability or whatever...so their brain goes back to whatever is normal for them. Read others' withdrawal symptoms here: http://yourbrainonporn.com/what-does-withdrawal-from-porn-look-like

This means you have to steadfastly ignore those loud messages that tell you your sanity and wellbeing are at risk if you don't masturbate. Smile On the other side of that temporary misery generally lies a lighthearted confidence and a sunnier outlook.

What do you think is going on for you? When you masturbate can you avoid binging? That's a healthy sign.

And why not pounce? Or at least let them know how beautiful you think they are with a big smile and even a word or two. Believe me...a lot of them are tired of sitting around waiting for you guys to turn off your computer monitors. Wink

*big hug*

Yes for the most part I can

Yes for the most part I can avoid binging! I used to basically live on my computer in complete social isolation which affected me greatly through high school but now I've completely turned my life around. It's much easier for me to talk to random people, I've gained 30 pounds of muscle from the gym, I've gained high ranks at my job, and I just feel better overall.

I used to think getting a girlfriend was impossible, even though I hear women say I'm attractive. I at one point decided to live with the fact I won't ever have a girlfriend. I would take one imperfection about me and dwell on it every waking moment. I was in a horrible place mentally.

I'm now at the point where I can have a conversation with a girl without any problems. I've even learned techniques to create a seductive vibe and attract the girl to me even more. I often am so happy to converse with people that I will put on one of those contagious smiles where the person can't help but just to smile back because it's so genuine. Despite my desire to have a girlfriend, and several opportunities to get phone numbers/go on dates, I still have not took action. I think I still have some self exploring to do before I reach that point, but right now I'm trying to go out more often and interact with girls just to feel more comfortable around them.

One problem is I am still a bit lonely. I have great friends at work who treat me like family but they are very involved in their lives. I've always felt more mature than my age group and I often don't want to deal with it so many of my friends I've stopped hanging out with. I work my ass off all week but have the weekends off and this is where loneliness can get me in trouble. If I do relapse on masturbation/porn it is almost always on a friday where loneliness kicks in. I'm still 20 years old, so not quite old enough to get in bars or most clubs or I would consider going out alone.

Lately instead of staying home alone, I hang out with friends my age who I find immature at times but still good friends. It seems to be my only escape for some social interaction even though it is risky because they drink a lot, fight, and party the majority of the time. I do like to party on occasion but they take it to another level and it seems almost all kids my age are like this. I haven't had much luck with meetup. Maybe I need to find a nice girl and spend most of my time with her.

That's a lot of progress

in a relatively short time. Very impressive. Bravo!

Why not friends AND some dates?? It really sounds like porn isn't as much of a problem as taking those final steps toward connecting with women. Let me know if you want me to push you into the pool. I have been known to deliver cyber butt kicks when called upon. Wink

here is my version According

here is my version
According to Castaneda most of us are bored fucks - no energy at the moment of conception.
Just biological meat - so we fucked up.
Need to save all we have.

What you feeling is the energy coming back.

However for me takes longer -1 or 2 weeks and afterwards it looks like nothing has changed but there is something.

You got to go the whole mile. Read Castaneda if you want. You will know what to do then.
I have gone up to 2 months without any sexual loss- - no orgasms no jerking off. You can go forever like this but this is not the point.

You have to change all - before you die. Again you will need Castaneda on this.

Porn does not matter - you can watch all the porn in the world when your energy is high or not watch porn at all. Does not matter.

All comes to your own decision - you taking the decision to jerk off you are the one to take the decision not to. The decision does not come from the mid however. Not jerking off thinking you are great aint gonna help you.

We got to do the work - this is the hard part - words are no substitute for it. And this is taking it to the limit.

You got to ask yourself why am I doing it - you got to know why.

For me I know- I am just wasting my time anf there is no real need for it.

Been doing it since 13 now am 32 and got to tell you it is high time I make some changes before I die.

I've read

a couple of his books, and even a book or two of his disciples. I think there are actually two paths: one for soloists, and one for duets. Castaneda's path seems to be for soloists, who may have rare, almost ritualistic sex. May not be the path for everyone.

Please tell us your actual experience with employing his ideas.

Others interested in the shaman path from this region may find this article of interest: "Rainbow Serpent of the Toltecs" http://www.reuniting.info/wisdom/rainbow_serpent_of_the_toltecs I don't personally have any experience with it, but the parallels with what we've been learning are intriguing.