Since a teenager I've looked at porn and masturbated almost every day. Now, a few years later I've learned that there can be some damaging effects from porn and possibly even masturbation alone. Even as a teenager, I used to be completely obsessed with finding a girlfriend and had almost convinced myself I never would, thinking there was something about me that wouldn't allow it. I've now realized that a girlfriend is not going to make me happy and solve my problems. My entire mindset has changed the past few years and I have successfully conquered depression and anxiety, but I still have my bad days.
I feel this whole no porn/masturbation thing is very beneficial but also very confusing. Usually I'll feel terrible after masturbating. I'm not as confident, attractive, and sharp around women and people in general. I almost think this is strictly a guilty feeling. If I go a day without I start feeling pretty good, 2 days even better, 3 days I'm unstoppable. Somewhere around day 5 or 6 I start getting a bit anxious, very horny, and the urge to explode (if you know what I mean). I have tried going up to 2 weeks and I seem to balance out a bit but I always wonder how far do I take this. Do I never masturbate again? I've found once a week to be a pretty good medium but I still go down after masturbating. These ups and downs feel way to heavy. I can be the life of the party one day and anxiously withdrawn the next, all seemingly attributed to masturbation (or the lack of).
I think this comes down to feeling guilty abut something. Even when no porn is used, I feel the same after. Maybe I feel ashamed of myself for masturbating. I find it hard to believe this is purely just a chemical response from ejaculating. There has to be some other underlying issues and maybe it is the several years of porn obsession.