First off, thanks for the site and the materials here. I've been exploring here for the past couple weeks, and it seems that a genuinely helpful community has been built here. Words of wisdom and new perspectives will be gratefully absorbed. I'm here because my concern for my well-being grows as I steadily feel worse both physically and emotionally.
I am desperate, so I'm going to commit to halt my porn use and masturbation.
I've been given more than enough for a wonderful, productive life. But for years now, I've been prone to depressive states and constantly without energy.
This year I started troubleshooting. I gave up weed without effort, and cigarettes with considerably more effort. I didn't plan or notice it, but I've stopped caffeine as well. I did not feel any acute immediate effects of cessation, but there were slower changes. I lost a degree of mental sharpness, feel even more fatigued, and have lost any drive to do anything. I haven't hung out with my friends in weeks, and find it hard to answer the phone. I have been a lifelong musician, but I haven't touched my instruments. I've had zero cerebral pleasure lately.
I've given these changes months, and I'm sure it's not withdrawal. I've returned to baseline without my medication. The habits I gave up were compensating for the high tax of another. I had an idea of what was draining me, and tried hard not to acknowledge it.
I had known about prolactin and oxytocin spikes after orgasm. I was reluctant to, but I looked for more information about prolonged effects of orgasm on hormones and neurotransmitters. That's what led me here. It seems I have been on a very long dopamine binge. I felt deflated the more I identified with the information here, but also relieved when I finally confronted it.
Anyways, I've gone a few days without masturbation now. I observed one thing today that really unnerved me. I opened some porn and despite my brain's response, there was no response from the rest of my body. No change in respiration, heart rate, no bloodflow to the penis. I kept paying attention to my body, and I realized that nothing would happen if I didn't start manually stimulating. It has been like this for a while. My body has been begging for a break.
I'm sorry for my pity party, internet strangers. I hope I can add another success story to the collection here.