I'm sorry if this has been talked about before. If so, please point me to the right thread. Also there's a lot of extraneous information, and my question isn't entirely in one topic, so tell me if this should be moved to a different section of the forum (or if I should separate my questions into different threads).
Some background first:
One morning, perhaps 2 and a half weeks ago, my boyfriend and I partook in one of our typical sexual encounters that ended with him orgasming. He noticed that it greatly affected him in a negative way (he mostly described it as feeling depressed). Both of us had noticed this change in him in the past. This time, he decided to look it up on the internet. We found a website that talked a lot about the dopamine highs and lows, the Coolidge effect, and such. Everything it said made a lot of sense to both of us and explained a lot (about how he feels after orgasms and, also, about a lot of the turbulence our relationship had suffered previously). The website also mentioned karezza, tantra, sacred sex, and things about sexual energy. We decided to try out the some of the ideas the website presented. We both decided to try to stop having orgasms. We already included a fair amount of bonding behaviors in our daily lives (mostly because I naturally express affection mostly through physical gestures like hugs, random affectionate smiles, massages, laying together, etc.), but we decided to try to enhance that aspect of our relationship too (one example of this is: the site said things about skin contact and such, so we started sleeping with less clothes on and closer together). We've had trouble sticking to the "slow and without intent to arouse" part of karezza. It's only been a couple weeks, so maybe it's to be expected that we're just getting used to abstaining from orgasming and aren't quite ready to quit edging or the more frenzy-ish heated type of encounters. I worry about doing these types of things, as I've read that edging can produce the same chemical effects as orgasming. Also, that your partner's orgasm (or the thrill of causing them to edge) can become kind of a hook in a similar way to what orgasming used to be. I'd really love to eventually get to the point where it's all about giving, and comforting, and loving, and just being with each other. Some other background information (in case it's helpful): He's 22, I'm 17. He's had a porn addiction since puberty. He didn't use any once we got together, except for a few times when he got very depressed and thought things were going bad with us. Though, he seemed not to have much trouble stopping when I asked him to do so (he even wanted to stop). The only time he's missed it since is once when he went through a very depressed period. Following that depressed time, we had a couple weeks where our relationship went very well and things were amazing between us. Then we discovered karezza, and things have improved even more. I bet, once we get to doing more true karezza, and not just orgasm abstaining, things may get even better.
To the main point: I don't know much about what karezza is supposed to be exactly. But, as far as I can tell, it often, if not mostly, includes sexual intercourse. We're both virgins (and I probably want to stay one until I am married). So, I'm wondering what kinds of things can replace that intercourse exchange (I'm also quite interested in the energy related aspects of that, if anyone knows much about that). I've never really learned if things like oral sex or touching the genitals in an arousing way is karezza or not. I would think not, because, as far as my understanding goes, karezza is supposed to be done without the intent to arouse. But, does this mean that a virginal couple attempting to do karezza must completely avoid genital-related things, except in a slow/unmoving and comforting way? If so, it seems my boyfriend does not find that satisfying enough. He has blatantly told me that he doesn't want to stop those sorts of things. He has said that maybe we could stop the stimulation earlier and earlier (meaning further and further away from when we think we'll orgasm) until we're no longer edging. Thus, in that way, get used to it. But, I'm unsure if any stimulation that's not intercourse or slow and with the intention to comfort is acceptable with karezza. I'm not worried about "sticking strictly to a method", but I am worried about what will cause orgasm-like effects and what will make it more difficult for us to get to that completely giving, slow, and loving point. Has anyone had (or heard of anyone else's) experiences with virginal karezza? Is there anything that can replace the energy exchange that supposedly happens with intercourse? What are your thoughts on the idea of slowly moving away from edging and such things? Any other advice or thoughts are completely welcome!
I also have another question about time apart and how that affects relationships from a bonding/karezza point of view. In a week and a half I will be taking a trip and will be away from my boyfriend for 2 weeks. We will see each other briefly for a couple days, and then will be apart for another week. After that, we'll be together for a week, but *might* be separated again for another week after that. We haven't been away from each other for more than 2 weeks since meeting, and haven't been away from each other for *any* extended time for at least half a year (as far as I can remember). What sorts of things have people noticed when those daily bonding behaviors aren't there anymore due to separation? What might be a good way to still stay connected? I read that people often find it's good to have a couple days of cuddling, upon reuniting, before getting into more sexual things. Does that seem true? It makes sense to both me and my boyfriend.
Thanks for any help!