♥Kind of neat (erection talk)~

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Submitted by Rachel on
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The other night I was lying next to my lover with my head on his chest and I was just lightly caressing his penis with my fingertips as I love to do. It was not done with the intent to arouse, but just to feel nice and he loves it (okay, who wouldn't, lol?).

In almost no time, he went from a soft penis to a full-on erection. And then he commented on how interesting it was to him that he could be lying there fully relaxed, breathing normally, and have such an erection.

I quizzed him, not knowing how the whole erection thing typically works for men, and he said normally, a man is breathing hard, moving around a lot, thinking sexual thoughts, doing anything to keep the blood pumping and the penis hard.

But now...just the touch of my hand (and no other *effort* on his part) can cause him to become fully erect (and it stays that way...a long, long time, lol).

I do believe it is because not only is he fully conscious of my touch and fully in the moment, but so am I. When I am touching his penis, I think of how much I love it, how beautiful it is and how good it is to me, etc. All my thoughts go toward it. And his penis can feel the focus, I do believe, so it responds in kind.

And this is why lovemaking feels so much better when both partners put all their focus on what is happening to their bodies right then in the moment instead of thinking ahead to a future orgasm, what's gonna be for dinner, etc. When you can relax and put your mind on your bodies, lovemaking can last a very, very long time. When your thoughts turn away from the moment at hand, it's as though the genitals suddenly feel neglected and so they respond that way (the penis might get soft and the vagina might close off or become dry). They do seem to have little brains of their own~ Smile



Karezza is the most effective cure for us recovering addicts. I used to think "Nah, I'm just trying to recover in order to get back in the game", but I'm starting to think that perhaps it would be a smart idea to embrace it if I ever get "cured" because otherwise I might fall back into the trap I recently fell into... Over and over. I am happy for you guys and I hope your relationship will prosper for eternity! Wink It also gives me a hint of hope when I read about your successes! :)

Thank you!

Thank you for your good wishes and I'm glad my post gives you a little hope!

Whether you are a previous porn user or not, I think karezza is the way to go if you want to make love the way it was meant to happen. Even in regular sex, just as in porn masturbation, your genitals become numb and insensitive. To be able to feel every little nerve and every little throb of energy is so delicious! I am late to the game, but I am making up for a LOT of lost time, lol!!

Keep up your success!



From the male side of this, I can completely relate to what you are saying. Its reached the point where I'll get hard just looking at my wife across the room, fully clothed. Sometimes when we touch during the day it happens. I'll put my arms around her, stroke or gently massage her back, nothing that you would call sexual, yet the arch of attraction is there in the moment, and presto! I'm hard.

At first I was a little embarrassed about it, but then my wife said "I love it when I make you hard". Then I just let it happen whenever it did. Without words, its like I'm saying, "I cant get enough of you, I find you so attractive, I'm magnetized to you". My body is telling her how I feel about her and she likes the message I'm sending her. Not to mention women love attention and to be attractive. What's sweet about it is it doesnt mean anything else has to happen, just drink in the moment of the masculine/feminine attraction. We don't have to go somewhere with it. Breathe it in, bask in it, and then let the day continue. With karezza I feel that the making love never actually ends, it just rises and falls like ocean waves.

Listen up all you single guys with flagging erections from porn usage. Look what you have to look forward to as you kick the habit. Finding a real life partner and discovering what genuine intimacy with karezza can be like. I hope posts like Rediscovered's here give you all inspiration for your future and your path to porn recovery.

I noticed this in myself

I noticed this in myself actually. That's one of the reasons I think for morning wood. You are completely relaxed when you wake up in the morning, more relaxed than at any point during the day. The hardest, most intense erections I have ever had have come first thing in the morning. Sex for me goes much better when it is slow and steady as apposed to hard and fast, that's when things stop feeling good for me and things go south. I end up having to slow right down and start over building up again.

Being that Karezza is slow paced, I can totally see how the intensity of the moment which is drawn out longer than normal hot sex can become overwhelming in a way. I'll find out for myself I am sure, I'm more than willing to try.


"Imagination is more important than knowledge"

"We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are."
Max Depree

Be the kind of person that when you wake up in the morning the devils says, "Oh Crap, It's up!"


Darryl, I love hearing about the relationship you have with your wife and it inspires me! I do think there truly is a magnetism that happens through this type of lovemaking (which goes beyond mere sexual attraction) whereby your genitals respond to each other and have their own communication. It comes from a different place for me. I love it.

Workingonit, I will be so happy when I get to hear a true karezza experience from one of our former porn users here~~it will be so nice when one of you guys can explain it from your perspective.

Because you mention "speed" (slow versus fast) and while, yes, karezza is slower than normal "hot" sex, that isn't the only thing that makes it more delicious. It's the energy, the consciousness, the yin, the yang, all that crazy stuff you can't put into good words and until you've tried it, it sounds kind of "out there"!

So when one of you guys gets into a loving, karezza relationship, I'm hoping you'll be able to explain the difference better than I can!


We were

We were attending an outdoor party and my wife was across the way getting caught up with old friends that she had not seen in some time while I was helping a couple of old buddies try to get some reluctant charcoal lit up – with all the resultant banter and teasing from the group that three accomplished and supposedly intelligent men couldn’t even light charcoal. Very predictably our ego’s got the best of us and we doused the charcoal with about ten times the required lighter fluid and proceeded to invoke the most ungodly inferno, almost torching the three of us and everything around us in the process. Everyone got a good laugh out of it – good times. Making eye contact with my wife, I could see by her expression she was getting a kick out of our antics. When she was certain she had my attention she suddenly ran her tongue around her lips. It was such a simple thing, when I did not have a sexual thought in my head, but I was instantly, impossibly engorged – and I had to run for cover so I did not make a scene. Ridiculous, but delightful in a way I cannot put into words. Our connection such that the most flirtatious and nourishing energy flows between us all the time and she delights in my hunger and responsiveness. Later that night we had the most delicious lovemaking session, she was hot and wet before I even touched her and both of us benefited from all the energy we had built up during the day. Pretty amazing for me as a man to be this responsive at age 49 and as our friend Darryl has so eloquently stated the most profound and positive effects on our women take place when our desire and hunger for them are so “on display”.

It is such an inspiration to

It is such an inspiration to hear fellow karezzaer's (just made up this word) delighting in the sweet delicious attraction for each other. Look at us, behaving like newlyweds at our ages!! Who would have guessed. I love this sharing and the way it inspires us.

Pretty darn good

For us old folks, lol~~

This is reminding me of how much our sexual relationship has changed from the very beginning to now. When we first met (he was 51 and I was 49), it had been about 11 months since he had been with someone sexually. As he told me, he had gotten to know himself really well over those months, lol.

Our first experiences together were a little unnerving for him, I'm sure, because his erection was not always to be counted upon. He even went so far as to have his testosterone levels checked, just to be sure. When all that checked out just fine, he would just say, "Remember, I'm old" ha! And I assumed this was what sex in your later years was like and I would just have to deal with it, not take it personally, etc.

But we very quickly started learning about karezza and tantra and now the man is like a teenager (but much better, because he has staying power--I'm sitting here typing this after having spent 5 out of the last 20 hours engaged in karezza lovemaking--who knew it could ever be this good??). It's hard to imagine back to those early days because they seem so foreign to me now.

There is something so very, very sexy about the erection of the man you madly desire. I don't give a hoot about seeing anyone else's erection, but I adore looking at and touching my man's beautiful penis, whether soft *or* hard~~


Spontaneous erection

So last night, as I'm reading yet *another* Diana Richardson book ("Slow Sex"), on page 51 she describes what we are talking about here! (another of her books that has much of the same material repeated from her other books, but enough new pearls of wisdom to make it well worth the rather small purchase price)

She says:

"The possibility of spontaneous erection through magnetic intelligence is built into the genitals."

"A spontaneous erection is a by-product of the magnetic attraction and requires no effort--it happens. You can't *expect* a spontaneous erection, because it's spontaneous. It transpires when there is a constellation of invisible factors, such as when a man and woman are innocently in their bodies and merged with the inner cellular experience. Spontaneous erection is more likely when love is in the air, or where there is an element of polarization in the field, such as when man anchors his awareness in the root of the penis, the perineum, and woman connects internally with her vagina, widening and receiving."

"Man will easily be able to feel the difference between spontaneous erection and intentional erection. One will feel inwardly potent and does not need movement or stimulation to maintain, while the other will feel more hollow and disconnected from the inside and is easily lost."


Go back to when you caressed

Go back to when you caressed your lover's penis and it became erect very fast. How many days had it been since his last ejaculation? It takes a lot of pent up energy to be so easily aroused when arousal is not the goal.

Question for you~

Moronluona, have you ever tried karezza? You might find that what you *think* to be the truth is quite different (I'm referring to when you say it takes a lot of pent-up energy to be so easily aroused when arousal is not the goal).

Karezza is a huge game-changer for men and the way their penises react to the women they love, I have found.

As far as your first question, I'm not sure when his last ejaculation was (we're not always *perfect* karezza lovers), but in this particular instance, it had been a couple of hours since we had made love karezza-style for about two hours ~~and since this time, there has not been a time where my light touch hasn't caused an erection, no matter how tired we are, how long it had been since we had made love, etc.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, lol~~his penis loves me. Smile


answer to your question

i have never engaged in any motionless sex. after a little bit of laying still on the bed inside another person, i need stimulation. i find it very difficult to stay still, as in karezza, and stay horny the whole time. if i am going to make love for extended periods of time, i want to feel pleasure the whole time. that way i know i'm building up throughout the process

Motionless sex?

That isn't karezza~~

As I said before, once you learn to make love this way, you won't need the stimulation you speak of~~

And I don't think you've ever really experienced pleasure until you've experienced it (you may think you have, but you haven't). Just my opinion!

Your experience sounds like most people's experience when they engage in conventional sex. You are not relaxing and enjoying. You are thinking of a goal and you are not in the moment.

Hopefully, one day you'll give it a try. You might be surprised at how much pleasure you receive.


Further clarification

I just happened to read this segment of the book "Slow Sex" (Diana Richardson) last night and thought I'd share (and I consider karezza to be slow sex, not motionless sex):

"Fast, hot sex desensitizes the body, and especially the penis and vagina, because it is mechanical and extroverted, dependent on sensation. The more sensation is increased, the more innate sensitivity is lost. This probably accounts for the widespread problem of impotence. Impotence represents a loss of sensitivity and awareness. A man through overstimulation slowly becomes dead to himself, and then to others, eventually unable to respond to the sensation of a strong stimulus."

"Very often the fear of not feeling (in man or woman) can be the impetus for seeking sensation. At least you know for sure you can feel *something* in that particular situation. With relaxation, everything is wide open, and the fear of not feeling or the fear of the unknown will keep many of us in sensation-seeking patterns...the more aware, relaxed, and present you become (where true relaxation equals aliveness), the more sensitive you will become. Sensitivity crease presence, so they go hand in hand."

P.S. to Freedom: We started with Dr. Bass' type of lovemaking, but soon found it overstimulating~~we have both become extremely sensitive and now don't need *much* movement to feel absolutely blissful. Wonderful how it works that way! The more you practice, the better you get!


My impression of Bass'

My impression of Bass' approach is that he wanted more stimulation and that he was often with women who were not on board. He adopted a hybrid system to get what he wanted while controlling them. I'm not sure I agree with his placement of energy-karezza between tantra and karezza. It seems energy-karezza might be closer to orgasmic sex than tantra, but perhaps I don't know enough about tantra.


Bass doesn't talk about inner focus and being present, etc. He is basically just telling men that if they don't orgasm and can last a long time while edging, that women will fall all over them.

And by the way, in the early days, my lover and I tried the "don't eat before sex because it will make you better at it" thing (per Bass)--and my lover *literally* fainted in my shower one morning!!!! That was the end of THAT, lol!!


I'll find out. For me I feel

I'll find out. For me I feel not eating would help focus and presence. My best dates involve little to no food. Bass says to not eat for about 4 hours before. How did that lead to fainting? Did you wear him out? Some are not used to being empty and that can be shocking at first.

Bass might buy into the taking of sexual energy thinking in the sense that he doesn't orgasm and extracts energy from the women. I've only read Better than Orgasm, not the longer Energy-Karezza book.

I didn't like his domination of the female approach. There didn't seem to be much mutuality in his sexuality. He might have meant to say men can guide women, but it doesn't read that way. He needs to pay an editor or find another one.

Whatever your impressions

or his shortcomings, Bass is a kind-hearted, very well-intentioned man.

You're right about the editor. I think others threw the book together from talks he had given. He predates word processing skills as far as I know. Was a helluva sax player, though. Wink


You'll find out for yourself about eating or not~~it might be helpful to someone trying to transition from conventional sex to karezza (as far as helping them maintain an erection), but I don't know.

These days we eat whenever we feel like it and it has *no* effect on his ability to get nor maintain an erection (because the sexual energy is not related to food).

As far as why he fainted...too many hours without food and low blood sugar? Anyway, hasn't happened since we stopped the fasting thing before sex (plus, we might make love at any time during the day and who wants to worry about whether they've eaten or not?).


The wonderful thing about

The wonderful thing about karezza style lovemaking is you dont get pent up energy, and if you do, its probably from other things in life. If anything karezza soothes pent up energy from daily life and disperses it.

I concur with the spontaneous erection thing, its like being ever ready but never chomping at the bit.