Is a Fleshlight Right For a Sexual Celibate & My Sexual Lifestyle? (Oxymoron)

Submitted by mcmsinger on
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I know this question is an oxymoron but bear with me.

I have given up completely from masturbation, ejaculation & porn for good. I do not ever want to release my semen unless I am having kids. I will have sex with any future partner but not ejaculate at all unless we are having kids.

I kindly, respectfully & politely ask that forum members do not give their criticisms on my decision. The sexual energy & semen that builds up simply gets circulated to the brain & physical body. Prostate congestion will not occur because the liquids sublimate to the spine. Prostate cancer should not occur as long the person is not ingesting toxins into their body.

If prostate congestion were to occur, I simply use a Aneros prostate massager which will stop the congestion, flush it & keep it healthy. Ejaculations do not keep the prostate healthy, in fact excessive ejaculations can harm the prostate. Balance is key.

Whether you agree with my medical philosophy is not my agenda - I am simply kindly, respectfully & politely asking forum members not to direct or guide this thread into debate about whether ejaculation is harmful or beneficial.

This thread is about forum members offering their friendly guidance, opinions & well-thought out analysis on whether a fleshlight is right for me according to the sexual lifestyle I have decided to choose.

Do not hijack the thread into a debate about which sex lifestyle is better than they other.

[B]Guide the thread into a debate about whether a Fleshlight (if any model) is something which should be used by someone with my particular sexual lifestyle.[/B]

Why am I considering a fleshlight?

Because I was very much into masturbation for 10 years (I'm 21 years old now) & ejaculations were at the very least a common daily occurrence - I want to cure the negative effects these have had over a 10 year period.

Specifically, Death Grip Syndrome & premature ejaculations is what I am specifically looking to cure.

The fleshlight model I believe would be best for me according the research I did would be The Stamina Training Unit.

But here is my dilemma: There is a big risk in me ejaculating & I am also wondering if they are alternative cures for these two problems instead of risking an ejaculation.

I plan to use the STU until these two problems are cured. After that I do am not going to probably use the STU EVER again, maybe in a rare case if I have a partner & have sexual issues with them. Maybe a total of 30 sessions & there will not be a single ejaculation at all in those sessions.

I will still keep the STU handy if a rare occurrence rises in the future with issues with those two problems or with performance issues with my future partner. But mostly likely it will never be used after these two problems are fixed.

I am also doing Kegel exercises to cure premature ejaculation. I am also taking Horny Goat Weed, Maca Root & Mucana Puriens to fix these two problems.

Soon I will be taking 50mg Clomid daily for 2 months which will cause my testicles to start producing more testosterone permanently as prescribed by doctor. My testicles will become bigger due to this medication. (Doctor told me to expect it.) Steroid abusers often take this drug after getting off their cocktail steroids because steroids makes the body stop producing testosterone. My doctor said I need this medication due to some minor issues with my endocrine system which will be fixed after this treatment.

I am also doing testicle massage. I also work out. I also meditate with brainwave entrainment technology.

So coming back to the main point - Is a fleshlight right for me to help me for sex therapy?

I am not going to be using it for masturbation to gain pleasure but I will be [I]stimulating[/I] my penis with a STU in order to retrain my nervous system after which my Fleshlight will mostly likely never be used again after 30 sessions attempting to retrain my nervous.

The risk that I do not like is ejaculation. I simply want to edge on the fleshlight while it retrains my central nervous system to a natural setting.

Maybe their is a price to pay for everything in life? Maybe temporarily I will have to accept the risk of having a few ejaculations. Once the problems are cured I will mostly likely never use it again... So I guess it isn't too bad?

I intend to train myself with the fleshlight STU to point where I can almost control my ejaculation 100%, premature ejaculation cured, & death grip syndrome cured. After which, I will stop using it forever. (Unless, I need it for sexual therapy in the future.)

What do you guys think? Do I really need a fleshlight? Which one? Can my problems be better handled in other ways? How am I better off if I want to follow my lifestyle?

Maybe I should be willing to accept the risk of a few ejaculations for my own sake of curing my problems? After which I will be free for the rest of my life with taking such a risk?

I mean I'm only going to be doing this stimulation for a very temporary period of time to specifically cure some problems with a risk of ejaculation although I will attempt to prevent that from happening... so it isn't such a big deal? Because once this is over - I will no longer be doing this stimulation which will risk ejaculation & I will walk away with some of my sexual problems cured....

Please give me feedback, answers, opinions, & your advice

Thank You


Just so you know, we are not "sex therapists." We strongly believe people should make their own experiments. We happen to also believe that a lot can be learned by cutting way back on intense stimulation and giving the brain time to return to normal sensitivity.

I don't know much about "Fleshlights." Frankly, I'm less concerned about an occasional ejaculation than I am about your intention to use extreme force on your body on every level: drugs, rigid control, unrealistic ideals of never ejaculating again until you make a child, etc.

If you have been a frequent ejaculator until quite recently, your body—and more importantly your brain—will need time to return to balance. With balance will come greater control...but it takes time. I understand your impatience. We're all impatient once we make up our minds to move in a new direction.

But please don't be so hard on yourself, and maybe don't be so quick to take drugs/hormones least until you see what your body and brain can do by themselves if you give them a chance to return to homeostasis.

Do you come from a religious background? If so, your "black and white" thinking is not unusual. It's also not unusual in addicts. But part of returning to balance is learning resilience and how to get in touch with your own body and its subtle signals.

I don't want to discourage you from making changes. I'm trying to encourage you to ease up a bit on your rigid thinking. I know that's tough when you've felt "out of control." Of course you now want control. But you can't force that from the top down without risking other kinds of distress...particularly the risk of beating up on yourself (which tends to drive people back into addictions). Your body will need time to come into accord with your new direction.

Have you watched the videos here?

Have you read this section?

Be gentle with yourself, even though you are rebooting. In the long run being respectful of the huge changes you are making will be more helpful than Fleshlight rules.

As for Fleshlights, you're the best judge of whether you will benefit or not. Test, and trust your intuition. We had a guy who got so tired of masturbating inadvertently in his sleep that he used a chastity device (designed for fetish folks) for a while when not sleeping with his sweetheart, and he found it was very helpful in reprogramming his behavior. I would never have recommended that...but it worked for him.

So trust your intuition. If something doesn't work, change course. Above all, work with your body, not against it. Blog your experiences if you like.

Hello, I also have a


I also have a celibate (and chaste) life as one of my life goals, and I will say that if you are truly serious about cultivating your life force in a positive manner, you will just stop masturbating altogether and find other activities that are far more deserving of your time and energy. Taking drugs or strengthening your pelvic muscles won't fix your underlying psychological issues that lead to semen loss in the first place. Just stop and focus on something else that you find fun or fulfilling, and do your best to avoid sexual imagery, perverted jokes, and other negative impressions.

So do you think if I stop

So do you think if I stop masturbating completely - that eventually my death grip symptom & premature ejaculation will cure itself eventually through time - since the body will return to homeostasis?

Making the Flesh light unnecessary.

Marnia- Thank you a lot for you answers. It gave me some different perspective & it also helped me to consider taking a different approach but to also consider my mentality in regards to myself. I do push myself very hard sometimes... Not quite a bad thing but it can turn into a unproductive way of dealing with self-improving oneself.

Based on the many

improvements guys here have reported over the years, I think you should be very optimistic that you will return to normal (whatever that looks like for you). Have you read this FAQ about the benefits people see?

You'll be fine. It's good to be determined...but not to lose your sense of humor. It's easier to coax the old part of your brain in the direction you want to go than to hammer it too hard. Wink

Marnia - As they say...

Marnia - As they say... "What you resist, eventually persists"

I haven't ejaculated in close to 2 months now. I haven't watch any porn nor have stimulated my penis in anyway. And I don't feel suppressed... I feel liberated. I feel like I have had the chains broken off my arms.

I feel better... But I personally know my body & I'm pretty sure that it's going to recover more... It's recovering but I just know it has more to go...

I think it is just taking it's time to reboot & clear itself in order rebalance all it's chemistry from this nasty chaos it's been through for so long.

I have already noticed a big difference physically - more youthful skin, glowing skin, much less acne, more sharp brain, more motivated to get things done & more ambitious.

I have also noticed that I am more prudent, logical & thrifty with my money than before. I think this has to do with dopamine. My reptilian brain less in charge & therefore I am less impulsive. I try to think & reflect what I am doing to make sure the outcome will be good.

And to be honest with you... I personally am also thinking that the Fleshlight might be a complete waste of money. I can afford it... I have money to buy it. But again - it may solve two of my problems but then give me two more in the process - addiction due to the over-stimulation (dopamine high) & then finally major loss of energy through ejaculation.

And I think you made me realize something very profound... That my body is recovering but I am getting in the way by becoming too picky over the most minor & menial thing... Sensitivity of the penis & duration of sexual experience... lol

I should be focusing more on balancing my dopamine & other chemicals. I should be focusing more on improving my exercise workouts, increasing my testosterone, diet, sleep, improving my meditation & learning to get to know my higher-self better than my lower-self which is only concerned of sex for it's own sake.

I think it's possible that the nerves are just going to recover on their own if I just stop stimulating them completely. And the premature ejaculation could possibly be gone due to the previous neural pathways weakening but also because of hormonal rebalancing & dopamine rebalancing along with healing of the body in all ways.

You really made me realize something profound right now... The important parts of my body are recovering yet I am nagging about completely trivial things. Amazing how irrational we humans can be?

I did read that entire website on dopamine like 2-3 weeks back along with all the youtube videos. I also read quite some information on I understand a lot about the sexual functioning of humans than most average commoners however I always ask questions & become the student whenever I am unsure or not exactly 100% certain if something is good for me.

PS. No fleshlight for me!

OK, I can see that you're doing fine

It's good for all of us to remain students. Me too. Smile

Just add to your list of goals "get connected with others," as that can actually be more comforting than a Fleshlight. Wink

Also, I think you guys have a kinda distorted view of "normal" when it comes to sexual endurance, etc. "Back in the day," it was considered normal for a young man to ejaculate rather quickly early in a relationship. It was No Big Deal. After all, however good one's control, a novel partner kicks in the biology's biggest extra dose of exciting neurochemicals. (That's why today's Internet porn is such a "drug trip"...dopamine released with each new video.)

Porn style sex just doesn't mesh well with lengthy sex with a new partner - unless one's brain is kinda numb and one is operating on viagra or chemicals injected into the penis. Get it? Don't hold yourself up to unrealistic "ideals."

Normal sex produces sensations that will surprise most of you. Smile But it will also mean you can't last as long, unless you slow things *way* down. Slower sex also has more bonding potential, so there's likely an evolutionary reason for this phenomenon. (See this guys post, if you haven't already:

In short, it's a whole new world, so stay tuned and don't get your education from porn videos. Once you have a better sense of things, you can pilot your partner into a slower, more sensual approach to sex. That will keep her more sexually responsive, too, so you won't have to work as hard in bed. It's win-win. Smile

I recommend the fleshlight.

I recommend the fleshlight. In fact, karezza can be simulated if you keep the fleshlight on your penis while you make out with a stuffed animal. The only thing I will warn you about is that when the lube dries out, contact with the fleshlight is not that pleasant.

How has it helped you?

How long have you been using it? Is your penis more sensitive? How often do you orgasm? Anything else you want to share about it? (I'm thinking maybe there should be an FAQ about Fleshlights on YBOP. Any thoughts?) Do you find you're doing a better job of connecting/flirting with real mates?

actually, this was a while

actually, this was a while ago. I threw it out after using it 6 months because its annoying how the lube wears off fast and the rubber feels uncomfortable after a while. I didnt feel like buying any lube that lasts in there longer. as to how often i orgasm, it all depends. it can range from twice a day, to once every 14 days. i usually give myself a lot of foreplay within those days though. im stil working on increasing the time. in the beginning days after orgasming, i usually stimulate myself for longer periods in order to build up. then, once i have done that, i tone it doen a bit. Also, after looking at YBOP, i would think that the idea of a fleshlight would contradict YBOP

I would think

I would think that the joke that goes, "He's looking for a girlfriend with a vagina shaped just like his hand" would apply to the Fleshlight as well, meaning--might make it difficult to find a *real* vagina that will feel right after using it.

And I'm somewhat happy to hear there is a downside to the Fleshlight (as a woman, it's sad to think something made of rubber could replace us!)--but the good thing about real vaginas (especially with karezza) is the lube usually doesn't run out. Smile