man with sensitive breasts

Submitted by Bewell on
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Early in my marriage, I asked my wife not to touch my breasts and neck. When we were having sex (with ejaculatory/orgasmic intent), and she touched me there, it consistently felt uncomfortable. I did not have a word for the sensation that fit quite as well as your "fish food" analogy (which I discovered only recently). Out of respect for my request, she stopped touching my breasts and neck. I appreciated that. Years passed.

Once when I was having an EKG done (after experiencing chest pains that roused me from sleep), I noticed that when the technician touched my bare breasts to shave them, and put on and take off electrodes, her touch... it felt good. I was surprised: I thought it was me, my inherent make-up, not to like being touched there. I had an unresolved situation. I didn't tell anyone. Again, years passed.

Yesterday, I wrote about that unresolved situation when it came to awareness through reflecting on your teachings. And perhaps prematurely, I told my wife about what happened with the EKG. "There is a lot you don't tell me," she commented, "more than I don't tell you." It hung in the air uncomfortably. Then we moved on to other topics. No solution.

Having slept on it, I think I am in a place to express what is going on. The technician was in giving mode, she was there to serve, she was not turned on and grasping. If my wife were to access her "giving mode" of touch that you describe, I imagine I would love that of touch from her on my breasts and neck. I think she would be willing to try to give it. But how do we create the conditions for such and exchange?

(To put this in context with respect to your teachings: I like the your ideas, and having done lots of solitary yoga, I understand ecstatic conductivity. I would like to try ecstatic exchanges with her. She is not drawn to the idea of sex without conventional orgasm for herself and has not read your book even though it is out on the coffee table and I have recommended it. Once, when she saw me reading the chapter on heart orgasm, she said, "Sounds like a heart attack." "Sounds like the idea frightens you," I replied. She nodded. I have gone a month now without ejaculation, but I have had lots of valley orgasms in that month [non-masturbatory, usually solitary, once with her touching me, but if she has had an orgasm, she does not like feeling me have an energy orgasm if it involves any genital movement at all]. Several times, we had sex where she had an orgasm and I refrained. She has not ever experienced an energy orgasm. I'm feeling full of life energy. Both of us like to cuddle and gently kiss, so we have been doing a lot of that. She likes when I compose love poetry for her, so I surprised her with one of those the other day. Last night, I have her a foot and head massage, which she greatly enjoyed. I've been making her breakfast, which she enjoys. In short, I'm trying to shower her with love in the manner of the exchanges. She says she feels a deep soul connection with me. I feel the same with her, but I know it could go deeper and I long for that.)

You're comments are welcome.

sensitive nipples

i'm glad to find I'm not the only man with sensitive breasts, although I sould say nipples.

Since I work out, I have well developed "pecs" but the nipples themselves are sensitive as my wife has found out when we make love.

I've noticed the nipples get erect any time I'm sexually aroused.

Anyone else feel like this?

sensitive nipples

I've noticed the nipples get erect any time I'm sexually aroused.

Anyone else feel like this?

Hi Bigsteve,

I'm not sure what you mean my sensitive: sensitive in an uncomfortable way, or in a desirable way.

My problem interacting with my wife is that I'm sensitive in an uncomfortable way, and it was difficult to get up the courage to say that I prefer she not touch me there.

But, as per my post above, I'm realizing that it is not the location of the touch but the manner of the touch that is the problem. As I noted, I felt comfortable with another woman touching me there. So the even more difficult problem is to acknowledge that I desire touch there, but only if it is "giving" touch rather than "fish food" grabbing touch.

This still is not resolved in my relationship, so we still go with that area being a no touch zone.

As for the range of that area, nipples only vs pects, I think it is relevant that you have well-muscled pects. I do not. I felt particularly uncomfortable when my lover would squeeze that fatty tissue around my nipples. I have somewhat less fatty tissue there now due to watching my intake of fat and calories and maybe other factors having to do with chi or pranic energy flow improvements (not due to exercise), and that has made the broader area less sensitive.

Best Regards,


sensitive places

To me my nipples are sensitive in a good way. I just thought this was true of women not men. I like finding new sensitive places my wife can arouse me during intimacy.

I haven't bought in to some of the concepts regarding non=orgasm put forward on this site.

Valley orgasms

You say:

"I have gone a month now without ejaculation, but I have had lots of valley orgasms in that month [non-masturbatory, usually solitary, once with her touching me ..."

Can you explain what these "valley orgasms" are; and how you have them? I'm sorry if this is a dumb question, but I've often heard this term, but don't really know what it means.

"Valley orgasm"

is a term that the Chinese Taoists used to describe a lovemaking experience that a couple "falls into" rather than "strives for." They contrast it with the more familiar "peak orgasm."

The valley orgasm is an experience of total relaxation, of 'not doing,' in which couples enter a state of timelessness, or peace. It can offer a glimpse of eternity - that is, the spiritual reality beyond matter. It is also very nourishing and satisfying.

I think Sood (who blogs on this site) caught a whiff of it (although it is not clear what his wife was feeling)...before he cruised right past it into conventional sex:

"After half an hour or so of relative inactivity, I experienced an extraordinary merging moment, where I could no longer sense the boundary between my wife and myself. This followed a series of involuntary butterfly sensations of gurgling and contracting in and around our genitals. It felt supremely peaceful and I could have remained like that indefinitely."

I think the story of this couple also describes the bliss of the valley orgasm, although they were not even having intercourse. This suggests it's more of an energetic merging than a physical event.

Finally, here's a passage that is supposedly from the oral teachings of Taoist master Lao Tzu, which also gets at the contrast between ordinary and "angelic" intercourse:

"A person's approach to sexuality is a sign of his level of evolution. Unevolved persons practice ordinary sexual intercourse. Placing all emphasis upon the sexual organs, they neglect the body's other organs and systems. Whatever physical energy is accumulated is summarily discharged, and the subtle energies are similarly dissipated and disordered. It is a great backward leap. For those who aspire to the higher realms of living, there is angelic dual cultivation. Because every portion of the body, mind, and spirit yearns for the integration of yin and yang, angelic intercourse is led by the spirit rather than the sexual organs. Where ordinary intercourse is effortful, angelic cultivation is calm, relaxed, quiet, and natural. Where ordinary intercourse unites sex organs with sex organs, angelic cultivation unites spirit with spirit, mind with mind, and every cell of one body with every cell of the other body. Culminating not in dissolution but in integration, it is an opportunity for a man and woman to mutually transform and uplift each other into the realm of bliss and wholeness."