Early in my marriage, I asked my wife not to touch my breasts and neck. When we were having sex (with ejaculatory/orgasmic intent), and she touched me there, it consistently felt uncomfortable. I did not have a word for the sensation that fit quite as well as your "fish food" analogy (which I discovered only recently). Out of respect for my request, she stopped touching my breasts and neck. I appreciated that. Years passed.
Once when I was having an EKG done (after experiencing chest pains that roused me from sleep), I noticed that when the technician touched my bare breasts to shave them, and put on and take off electrodes, her touch... it felt good. I was surprised: I thought it was me, my inherent make-up, not to like being touched there. I had an unresolved situation. I didn't tell anyone. Again, years passed.
Yesterday, I wrote about that unresolved situation when it came to awareness through reflecting on your teachings. And perhaps prematurely, I told my wife about what happened with the EKG. "There is a lot you don't tell me," she commented, "more than I don't tell you." It hung in the air uncomfortably. Then we moved on to other topics. No solution.
Having slept on it, I think I am in a place to express what is going on. The technician was in giving mode, she was there to serve, she was not turned on and grasping. If my wife were to access her "giving mode" of touch that you describe, I imagine I would love that of touch from her on my breasts and neck. I think she would be willing to try to give it. But how do we create the conditions for such and exchange?
(To put this in context with respect to your teachings: I like the your ideas, and having done lots of solitary yoga, I understand ecstatic conductivity. I would like to try ecstatic exchanges with her. She is not drawn to the idea of sex without conventional orgasm for herself and has not read your book even though it is out on the coffee table and I have recommended it. Once, when she saw me reading the chapter on heart orgasm, she said, "Sounds like a heart attack." "Sounds like the idea frightens you," I replied. She nodded. I have gone a month now without ejaculation, but I have had lots of valley orgasms in that month [non-masturbatory, usually solitary, once with her touching me, but if she has had an orgasm, she does not like feeling me have an energy orgasm if it involves any genital movement at all]. Several times, we had sex where she had an orgasm and I refrained. She has not ever experienced an energy orgasm. I'm feeling full of life energy. Both of us like to cuddle and gently kiss, so we have been doing a lot of that. She likes when I compose love poetry for her, so I surprised her with one of those the other day. Last night, I have her a foot and head massage, which she greatly enjoyed. I've been making her breakfast, which she enjoys. In short, I'm trying to shower her with love in the manner of the exchanges. She says she feels a deep soul connection with me. I feel the same with her, but I know it could go deeper and I long for that.)
You're comments are welcome.