♥what's the point of physical attraction?

Submitted by done4now on
Printer-friendly version

I am now wondering what is the point of physical attraction? in other words, if we pick someone we are attracted to its usually because of the desire for sex or our biology talking. I guess there are social aspects of attraction as well but i'm really starting to wonder because my last partner was extremely attractive to me but her only goal with me was to get me to be the instrument of her pleasure. At some point she got bored with me or something and now to make a long story short, we are not together.

Moving forward, i've met someone i'm not as attracted to but had some fun with and wondering what's going on in my head. This pattern happened to me in the past as well. I went from a love starved addict who cheated on me to a "safe" woman that i did not feel those same feelings with. In the beginning it worked because we had alot in common, children etc but then when there was no more emotional bond i felt cheated that i settled for lack of attraction. So i got involved with my last partner, felt those same "old- and i do mean old" feelings and i felt more alive than i had in awhile. The downfall was she was so sexually motivated that i was paranoid of her cheating on me like the first girl and she didn't help because she needed the attention of going out to clubs with her gf's. I imagine she needed the stimulation of guys hitting on her even if she wasn't going to cheat. I felt used and insecure about that (she constantly needed "space") even though we had minimal time together.

Frankly, although the physical pleasures of sex were good for awhile, the bonding is what i missed. The kissing the erections of just being with her, hearing her talk sweet to me etc were more exciting than the orgasms later on. I could have lived on those facets but not her!

So, number one, i don't know in the USA if there are many open minded woman who would try this without feeling awkward

second what is the point of physical attraction then?. It seems like the more biologically we are attracted the more we want to orgasm.
Also, is there any connection between being in great physical shape and being more sexual/sensual in nature or does it just seem like the two go hand in hand?

Comments

It's ALL about spreading your genes...

Human attraction is more of a science than most people would ever realize. It's DEEPLY rooted in the things that made early survival of the human species possible, and is really too complex to fully examine in a single posting.

If you really want to understand the nature of physical attraction, read "Survival of the Prettiest: The Science of Beauty". It was written by a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, so it's well-researched, and it's a fairly easy read.

http://www.amazon.com/Survival-Prettiest-Science-Nancy-Etcoff/dp/0385479425

el

If I may ask, did you practice non-orgasmic love making with either on of these girls you have been involved with? I'm asking from your side, not whether your partners did.

no, i didn't know about this

no, i didn't know about this until after the break up. i don't think my last gf would have gone for it. I also think they had some other personality issues because my ex wife still behaves the same and there is no sex or post orgasm to justify the behavior. With the past gf, there was definately a correlation and she was "hungry" for orgasm but she also was very sensitive to criticism and judgement but didn't mind giving it out (people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones...). Anyway, as you can tell i'm still hurt by alll this and feeling inadequate now in relationship. I am taking a break but lonely for companionship.

Marnia said in one sentence

Marnia said in one sentence right where I was going. Karezza has many benefits that can lead to a balanced relationship, especially for women with hungry appetites. Even if it begins with only you, unplugging just one partner from the orgasm cycle will begin a shift in the relationship. Since it seems like you pick women with high libidos, moving beyond orgasm will serve you well. When you get yourself into the next relationship I would strongly recommend considering a karezza approach. Even if the woman isn't on board you can create a direction and set the tone which can make a real difference.

About attraction, there are so many reason why someone is or isn't attracted to another that I wouldn't begin to dissect it. In the end whether a person is strongly attracted to someone or not, does not, in my opinion, make or break a relationship. My experience is that relationships are built upon things like respect, communication, trust which takes time. I would go as far as to say karezza can liven a partnership that may lack some extra spark and calm a relationship with high degree of sizzle.

in the us there was a study

in the us there was a study that they showed women faces of men and the american women preferred more feminine faces as opposed to more masculine. The theory here is that in this country, women are more independant and so they don't need to search out the dominant jaw line so much at this time. Funny that i just read that a few weeks ago.

Jake?!?!?!?!?

[quote]So what happens to women who are past the baby-making age? Men are no longer attracted to them?[/quote]I've got 2 things to say about that:
1) Such luscious, wise women are adored and alluring. They teach karezza to the lucky chosen.
2) Those man genes can be slow on the uptake and still go for the no longer fertile female

{smile}

I think my older man is appreciative of karezza in that it allows him the ability to keep up with *this* older woman, lol~

This will all make sense to Jake in about 30 years or so, ha! (teasing you, Jake!)

rediscovered

I was just reading something related to this. . .

The article below is long, but the bit that struck me as related was this one:

[quote] The first big, basic difference has to do with what I consider to be the most underappreciated fact about gender. Consider this question: What percent of our ancestors were women?

It’s not a trick question, and it’s not 50%. True, about half the people who ever lived were women, but that’s not the question. We’re asking about all the people who ever lived who have a descendant living today. Or, put another way, yes, every baby has both a mother and a father, but some of those parents had multiple children.

Recent research using DNA analysis answered this question about two years ago. Today’s human population is descended from twice as many women as men.

I think this difference is the single most underappreciated fact about gender. To get that kind of difference, you had to have something like, throughout the entire history of the human race, maybe 80% of women but only 40% of men reproduced. [/quote]

Source:

http://www.psy.fsu.edu/~baumeistertice/goodaboutmen.htm

I am not, nor have I ever have been considered 'attractive' (I like to say that I'm descended from Trolls.) - but it seemed I was always fending off unwanted attention.

Quizure

Goddesses like inspiring men to conquer dragons.
-Marnia

Interesting discussion

I got so tired of my genes jerking me around for their supposed benefit that I decided to rely on my inner guidance to select a mate. I highly recommend it...although it can lead to surprising results, such as ending up spending time learning all about the reward circuitry of the brain and sharing that knowledge with people you otherwise would never have met. Wink

my fears about this

Okay, here is why I am afraid of the situation that i'm in. After the first magnetic encounter in my college day i decided to go for this women who i married. She was still attractive to me BUT there was not that chemical or magnetic or hormonal thing going on. Things in the bedroom were good in the beginning because she and i drank all the time back then. i realized a while later that NO drinks, and a very different woman in the lovemaking dept. Now again, i/we didn't know all this stuff that many years ago but i felt like i went for personaliity over the magnetic attraction/feeling and then later in our marriage personality issues got triggered and it ended up in divorce.

i am feeling like i tried to avoid the biology game and go for personality and that backfired and i've had to deal with alot of pain since. When i met this other women she was so understanding and the chemistry and attraction was there. Our bodies fit together like we were made for each other and then some of the same behaviors started surfacing (devaluing behavior). Before this site most of my research was done in borderline personality disorder and narcasistic per. disorder. For some reason i went from one to the other- from the kettle to the fire.
i still don't know how to separate the two factors as with my last partner there was alot of stuff related to sex but i'm sure there were other issues too.

feeling underconfident moving forward or right now i guess.